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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, Right what it is, ive been with my bf for 2years and i love him more than anything and yes we are only young but we plan to b forever, and we talk about having children. Bt about 3month ago, i cheated with my Ex, of 3 years, and until then, i still had abit of feeling for him. Now i regret it evryday, and dread him ever finding out, it will destroy him, and our future! What do i do??
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female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: I always try to live by this basic rule: Do not do to someone what you would not want done to you. It is a bit elementary, but you would keep everyone's well-being at heart. Because basically, you are protecting yourself from some form of heartache, and others should be treated with the same respect. Don't you think so? If you put this thought process into your problem, what would your answer be about telling your boyfriend of what you did? I know you will choose an answer that you can live with, as well as your boyfriend. Good luck to you.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 you have got to get this out in the open right away before it goes to far.
You plan to be with your current boyfriend for ever, and have children with him, how can you do this with these skeletons lurking in your closet. Tell him it was a stupid mistake that meant nothing.
If you do this you will feel like everything is out in the open, you are hiding nothing. You can look torwards the future with a clear conscience, and he may initially be upset which is natural, but he will admire your honesty, and hopefully both move on.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, DocSilverback +, writes (14 January 2007):
 Why, in the same breath, you state that you love him more than anything AND then I cheated? They do not fit together. The feeling you are experiencing is the outcome of being deceitful. Did you not think of your future before you cheated? Or for that matter, did you not think of destroying him? In my opinion, he deserves a lot better and he should be told the truth. I will not sit here and play 'pity party' for the cheater. I do not condone or will not justify your reasons for cheating. No matter what your boyfriend has done to you in the past, if it did not work out, you should have left him. So, please do not come back on here and try to justify your actions. Also, in my opinion, there is not a future. If you do the right thing, HE might be able to have a great future with someone he can trust...it's called love and marriage. Let him decide whether or not he wants to stay in this relationship with you. Who are you to call all of the shots? He is a human being and DESERVES to know the truth..since it is his future you are playing with.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (14 January 2007):
 You need to come clean now, before it goes on too far. It will only get harder as time goes on and things like this go away. They eat up inside you and it ruins the relationship anyway. Otherwise, you may keep quiet and someone else might tell him. This will break his heart even more so it needs to come from you.
If you know you're fully over this ex now, you can come clean and you can move forward, if he wants to of course. He will be mad and probably say lot's if things you don't want to hear. But he has to be told and it has to come from you. Can you really live like this, knowing what you've done?
I can't tell you what he will do, whether he'll stay or go but at least you can say you were honest. If he walks, then you lost him and, hopefully have learnt a hard lesson. But hopefully he believes how upset you are and how truly sorry and works things out. But the relationship will not succeed with this hanging over you, he has to know.
Good luck and keep me posted on what you do and what happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): well, well, well another person who cheats.
You have done 2 things that will hurt him 1) you've had an affair, and 2) you've lied to him. If you say you want to be with him forever, how can you do this.
He deserves better than you.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (14 January 2007):
 How likely is it that your current boyfriend will find out about what happened if you don't tell him? For one mistake it doesn't seem worth upsetting him by confessing but obviously if there's any chance of him finding out off someone else it's better that it comes from you. It's really up to you if you want to tell him but I would try and put it behind you. You made a mistake and you see it for what it was - an error. Therefore try not to beat yourself up for it anymore. Just don't do it again.
CD
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