A
female
age
41-50,
*eebee305
writes:Where do I start? My husband and I have been married only a few short months. He is twelve years older than I am. I am a very successful in my line of business and lately I feel like the work mule. I feel instead of a hug when I walk through the door all I get is a hand out asking. I hate to criticize his line of work but he works on an appointment basis only and regardless of what his paycheck may bring in he works only 20 to 30 hours a week. That is a part time job! Whenever I bring up the idea of him either getting another type or supplementary job all I here is I know I have to boost my business blah blah blah the economy is bad there are no jobs blah blah! He gets defensive and thinks I am coming down on him like he isn't good enough or whatever. I feed his ego constantly telling him is capable of so much more and tell him he can achieve anything and I will be there supporting him every step of the way. He says if he gets a second job that we will never see each other. But he can devote hours and hours to world of warcraft each week and tries to justify it because he plays with my older brother. I mean at least humor and go on monster or something and see what is out there. Its not called bonding i think its waste of time. buy the groceries I give him money towards bills he is always complaining he has no money. I work over fifty hours a week in a high stress, high responsibility job with a huge workload and you think he would draw a bath or cook dinner no that all falls on to me... housework too. I am at my wits end I mean could he at least clean the house then? When I got married I wanted someone who would take care of me and I feel like everything falls onto me. The sex sucks and I am feeling really alone and uber stressed. go to bed alone alomost every night because he is on the computer and he actually had the nerve the other day while we were having sex to just get up and leave because his match was starting on the computer. albeit oneday he may do nice things but then it is back to the same routine. I am just so lost at this point and don't know what to do?
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female
reader, didda123  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 I think it is six of one and half a dozen of the other, you have to control your work load so it does not spill over into your free time and he has to make better use of his free time by helping out more around the home.
If you aren't spending any quality time together then it definately spells disaster i'm afraid!
I agree with pvtguy in some respects but i think he has an axe to grind at the moment lol but the grinning and bearing it bit yes if your husband was pulling his weight but i don't think he is sitting on his computer most of the time he is definately in a rut or milking it and he seems to have little time for affection which we all thrive on and it's what bonds us together without it we will be no more than friends and given time will obviously drift apart and more than likely to someone who can offer it.
A
female
reader, beebee305 +, writes (10 February 2009):
beebee305 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI definately see where many of you guys are coming from it is jsut so frustrating because I am not being selfish I give and give and give and al in return I ask is a little attention. I dont think that is sow rong. I worship the ground my husband walks on I am 23 and he is 35. We have a mortage payment car payments the same as everyone else when i got married I thought that there would be someone takinig care of me emotionally but whenever I try to voice my feelings I get yelled at because apparently he feels I am attacking him or stating the obvious. I have supportted his endevours but it is getting to the point where I feel more and more alone I feel as though i am seen as a paycheck and not as a wife. I am young and have the life of a much older person and this is the life I choose to lead I am perfectly happy with that but it seems as though the immaturity levels in him are killing me. i have things to do and instead of helping me finishing he sits back but sure as hell offers his two sense. My feelings arent validdated most nights I sit to unwind and there he is on his laptop with his headphones on and its just a game but come on seriously. Because of my workloaod I could not take any time off for my wedding or a honeymoon so we made a deal that we would do two weekend trips one for him one for me. He wanted to see the last Baltimore ravens game of the season so we spent the night in baltimore saw the game had dinner etc and then we were supposed to take me skiing well his trip materlized and has since passed and my trip apprently we cant afford magically. I just am at my wits end
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (10 February 2009):
I think if you are committed to the relationship you need to sit down together and have a long chat telling him exactly how you feel pointing out how you think things could be improved and the consequences if they do not and maybe you can find a compromise.
He is definately not pulling his weight but i am sure he knows that it is up to him whether he feels the need to do anything about the situation but i am sure if he doesn't tow the line things may go downhill rapidly from now and i just don't think he is taking things seriously enough. Your sex life is already suffering and it will just take someone to come along with kind words and you know what could happen!
I know you are probably shattered when you come home from work but maybe you could arrange for the two of you to have an evening out or weekend away which will help to improve your relationship and get you away from the routine of everything.
If he really wants your relationship to work he should listen to your worries and help you to make improvements.
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A
male
reader, aman +, writes (10 February 2009):
Almost every answer starts this way...Tell him how you feel.There is very little to nothing you can do to make things change by yourself. The only way you can get him to make big changes is by talking to him and getting him to agree. Maybe it won't work out... maybe he won't change... but that's the only way to try.Make sure you point out that you feel the game is causing problems. Say it's okay that he plays, but you need to come first. Leaving sex to play the game is a sign of trouble. Tell him how you feel really stressed and tired from work and you'd really like if he could cook dinner for you.Take it one step at a time with him. First take care of the game, then have him do things more around the house, then worry about him looking for another job (as long as you're okay with money right now).
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