A
female
age
41-50,
*ineo
writes:Since i broke up from a 10 year relationship in 2005 it has been very hard for me to find a stable relationship. My relationships only last for about 3-4 months, if i don't dump the guy, he dumps me. Sometimes i think i'm too wild in bed, then change my behaviour and act quiet but still same thing happens. I am not seeing anyone for about 6 months now and it is frustating, all of my friends are dating and are in good relationships and my younger sister is married for 2 and half years now. Is there something wrong with me or what?? Please help i'm lonely and i think i'm gonna get crazy!!
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female
reader, didda123  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 Don't change the way you are to suit anyone being yourself is always the best and it worked for 10 years so you can't be all that bad.
I am in the same position as you i have been on my own now for a few months and yes it is lonely though i do still go out with my friends and i can imagine it must be horrendous if you have no social life.
Can you not encourage your friends or even your sister to have at least one night out a month i am sure they would look forward to this.
Why not enrol for some night class or join a local gym you will meet plenty of single people there and the more you go you get to know people eventually and it is much better than sitting at home looking at four walls all night and you are improving your fitness levels at the same time.
It is best to try to not think about going out specifically to find a new boyfriend because you will just be disappointed at the end of the night just relax and enjoy the night and i am sure someone will come along soon.
A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (10 February 2009):
 My ex sounds a bit like you, she was with a guy for 6 years who broke her heart. Two years later she is just going from bloke to bloke, nothing lasting more than a couple of months. She was about to move onto someone else before I finished it with her. She's scared that the guy she is with will do the same thing and lead her on and break her heart, so she finds ways to end things before she gets hurts.
Keep your self respect and don't rush into anything, making yourself "available" early on in a relationship can put a lot of guys off, they won't see you as relationship material. If the guy you was with for 10 years has ruined your self esteem, maybe you should have time out from dating and work out what type of guy would make you happy, and try and put the past behind you.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (10 February 2009):
 You should be very careful not to fall into the trap that most people do when they are in your situation, the trap of being desperate. The scent of desperation can be traced from a mile away from the opposite sex, and trust me, it is not a good thing. The way I see it, its bad in every single way. When someone knows you're eager for a relationship, it kills the thrill of chasing each other. Also, there's the dreaded possiblity that the other person would then use you just for sex as he knows the chances are high that he would get lucky if you're sending out desperate signals. Another bad thing is the fact that desperation sends off a vibe that suggests that there might be something wrong with you (emnotional baggage, etc), thats why you're still single, and that puts people off.
I suggest you take things easy. I know it can be hard, especially when your younger sister is already married, but the last thing you want is to be sending out wrong signals to the opposite sex. As absurd as it sounds, the best thing for you to do to be in a quality relationship is not actively look for one!! Get on with life, immerse yourself in more activities so you don't give yourself time to even think about it. The best way to increase your chances of meeting a quality partner is to get out of your comfort zone and get to know people outside your circle of friends. For example, try a running club, charity, etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Nothing wrong with you hun
im going through the exact same thing. I am always sitting in alone coz ALL of my friends have boyfriends. they always said they would never leave their mates for a guy..but guess what? they ALL put their boyfriend first.
there is nothing wrong with us we are stronger than the lot of them and sometimes its better to be on your own (do you think that all their relationships are perfect?)
by being on our own we can learn loads about ourselves..try boosting your self esteem in ways, just be happy and love will find you =) you can't look for it. Xx
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