A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I became friends with someone online last year. The first 5 months, there was nothing at all overtly romantic or even flirty in our email communications. We just got along with each other very well. He surprised me by asking me out two months ago. Unfortunately, that happened when I was in the middle of my internship in France which is where I am at the moment and I won't be back home until Christmas. So I told him that unless he came see me in France, he would have to wait a few more months. Of course, I joked.To my surprise, we decided that he would come and spend two weeks with me here. (I have good reasons to believe that my safety is not an issue, so let's not discuss that.) Part of me is excited to meet him finally, and sooner than I'd thought. Part of me is scared to death. At this time, our communication had started to get more and more personal. We started chatting on the phone more and more. We even said I like you to each other once. I am deeply attracted to his intelligence, wit, and personality. (He looks average in his Facebook pictures. Kind of plain looking.)We will meet for the 1st time in 2 weeks and will spend another 2 weeks together. Even though my face is quite pretty, I could stand to lose 30-40 lbs. I am on a diet and exercise regimen which has yielded slow and consistent results and I hope to be able to get back to my healthy weight soon. This is something I have worked on since before we decided he would come here. I'm losing weight so I can feel better and be healthier. This has nothing to do with him.But as of right now, by all standards, I still have an overweight body. I know he could turn out to be physically unattractive, but at this point, what he looks like doesn't matter to me. I really like him and will be very disappointed if he only wants to be friends. I kind of warned him that I was on a chubby side. But he kept saying that he didn't mind, that the attractive girl in the pictures couldn't possibly be that awful in person.But those pictures didn't show the whole person. And if he's anything like most guys who have treated me differently since I started gaining weight not so long ago, he probably won't find me physically attractive. And at this point it will break my heart if he wants to be just friends just because he likes my personality but can't get over the fact that I am overweight. That also means our time together in France will be awkward for him and painful for me.What are your thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Omg i was exactly the same i spoke to a guy online for 9 months before i met him, i am overweight my self. I was scared ridgid of meeting him because i knew he wasnt overwieght as i had seen pictures and anyway it didnt matter so much by the time i had met him because we had been speaking so long we just loved talking to eachother. When i met him, we where just so happy to meet after spending so many months talking on the phone and on the internet that it really didnt matter what we looked like. And you know that because you said your self that you wouldnt care what he looked like. Anyway he had seen pictures of me but like you i wouldnt take pictures of myself because of my weight, like that mattered because 2 years later and a long distance relationship out of the way we are happily living together and its been that way for a year and a half.
good luck!!!
x
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 I think that you are a little scared about what his reaction might be when he sees the real you, but I also think you are just plain scared about the whole thing. And yes, you should be.
I have never been a fan of these internet meeting ideas, simply because despite all the preamble, you never REALLY know anything about a person until you meet face to face.
You have been chatting online and by phone to this man for a year or so, but you've never met him, and now you plan to spend 2 weeks with him.
Are you sure? What are your expectations of this two week period? What do you think his expectations are?
Also, you are meeting him where you live, and on his terms. If it turns out that you don't hit it off, what will happen?
I am not talking about your safety, I am thinking of how this could affect you emotionally. Although you didnt say where HE is, I am assuming that he is in South Africa, and will fly to France. Now my own personal opinion is that I wouldn't fly that far to meet a woman for the first time on a whim. I don't think he is either. He has his own expectations of what he wants to happen.
I honestly think he is coming to France for a cheap two week holiday, and hopes to get his rocks off to boot.
I hope I am wrong, and that he turns out to be everything that you imagined and more. BUT ...... if I were him, I have waited up till now, and three more months wouldnt be a problem.
If you go through with it and meet him, you will know by his face what he thinks when he sees you fully. Meeting face to face, and chatting online are two completely different things, hence your question. I hope there is no disappoinment on either side, because two weeks is a long time in that situation.
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A
female
reader, mediocreland  +, writes (20 August 2009):
I think that if he says he wont mind then he means he wont mind. You yourself said that you wouldn't care if he wasn't attractive, how do you know he doesn't think the same?
If you really wanted to test his reaction, why not take a full body shot for him? Or get a webcam?
If you guys have been talking for 5+ months, romantically or not, I highly doubt he's just in it for your looks, so I don't think he'd be turned away that easily.
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