A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi looking for a bit of advice as to how to deal with a situation. I am going away shortly for 5 days to a festival with my friends. I made the decision to go which wasn’t easy cause I have trust issues with my Gf.Its not her fault cause as of yet she has done nothing to make me believe she will behave inappropriately.Its just a combination of the way we met and past relationships. We met one week after she split from her ex. We have now been together 9 months and get on like a house on fire. In her previous relationship she was unfaithful with her ex with me which I am not proud about. I was also unfaithful too but to cut a long story short we were both unhappy in our past relationships and were just drifting along until we met. Any way as I was explaining I am going away shortly but I just have these issues where I get anxious, paranoid and worried that when she is out she may do something like go home with another guy or fall for someone else. I think it stems from low self esteem but cant be sure. I hate being that way also but I just find it really hard to believe in people especially this day and age. She has worries about me going also and has expressed her worry and explained if she finds out anything goes on that she will end it. I have comforted her and explained that nothing will cause I Love her and see my future with her. She said the same about me but the doubts she has only unhinge me more. Like she might be thinking if I am away I am going to be all over a load of lass’s having a good time why shouldn’t she do the same back home? Truth is I wont. I am going for the Music and to get hammered. She will be around our local town with all our local flirts trying it on. I am going to be at a location with no mobile signal so won’t be able to contact her as much either. All I want to know is if she has got home safe and stuff. In her past relationship on this weekend she went back to another lads house with her cousin. They went to a party where there was 2 other lads and her and her cuz. She got freaked out when the other lad tried it on and called for her ex to come get her. All I want to do is go away and be able to enjoy myself without having to worry. I will miss her and call her when I can but does everyone have these kind of anxious and worrying feelings?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 What's the worst that could happen in 5 days?! You say you are worried she will meet someone and fall for them while you are away - that would take some doing to fall for someone in 5 days!
I always believe in trusting someone until they do something to break that trust. yes it might be a bit naive but at the end of the day you love her, she loves you and you have been very happy for the last 9 months. Why will this change over the space of 5 days? Just give her the benefit of the doubt - there is always a chance you can get hurt in any relationship but you cant go through life worrying about what might never happen!
It sounds like you are both as bad as each other - you are worried about what she might do while your away and she is equally worried about you! So instead of the pair of you stressing out about each other, why not stop wasting energy on this and focus on having a good time! Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say! Why not organise something special for the two of you when you get back, so you have something to look forwards to.
When you talk about what each of you will be up to you automatically assume she is the bad guy and you are just going for some fun. When in reality the chances of some girl trying it on with you are much higher than something happening with your girlfriend at home! Music festivals are notorious for people getting it on - all that alcohol + people enjoying themselves and being away from it all often means that they lose their inhibitions! Whereas I'm sure your girlfriend has been out around your local town before, and she will know which guys are the slimeballs to avoid! Often when girls go out they dont always get chatted up, so really you have nothing to worry about!
Everyone gets a little anxious when their partner goes away and it is perfectly natural. But when it starts to affect your life, and stops you from having a good time then thats when you know you are taking it too far. Personally I think it will do you good to have this time apart - it will show you that you can trust each other and it will make you miss each other loads so when you see each other again it will feel even better!
Every time you get worried or the paranoia really starts to affect you then just take a deep breath, remind yourself of all your happy memories together and just remember the last time she told you that she loves you. That should be enough to push any silly thoughts out of your mind.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (20 August 2009):
 i can understand well about your situation we all some point in our life have those feelings or that type of situation. you both started a relationship from a fire which has caused you both to be a little burnt. your both insecure of what you done before you started this relationship. but since you were both unhappy and it wasnt ment then you just have to start a fresh. you can either trust each other or not but if you cant then their is no point because trust is one of the foundations to a relationship. i used to think they either will or they wont cheat and time will tell. if you keep beating yourself up about this you could ruin a good thing that has come from bad circumstances. if you keep tabs on each other your making it worse for each other and that on its own can make people feel trapped. give each other this space and enjoy your time with yoru friends you used to so being in a relationship is no different you just need to change your thinking. you love her you want to be with her and she is the same for you. she wouldnt be with you if she wanted someone else and the same goes for you. so go away and try and relax try and think shes out having fun and so should i. hope that helps aphex xx
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