A
female
age
51-59,
*eorgiaPeach
writes:I have been in this realtionship for 10 years. We have had alot of problems. When I first met him we dated for like 2 years and seem to be the sweetwst guy on earth. When we got married it all seem to change slowly a little at a time. When he was bad he would apologize and say he is very sorry and then we would move on. In the mean time he took away my freedom, credit time with family and friends. I was dependant on him. He asked me to move away with him with a great promotion he got from work. I had no choice, he took everything away from me. he told me he would help me with my car payments and to leave it up to him. Six months later I found out I was 7 months behind. Anyway just a couple of weeks ago I drank some strawberry daquiries after getting off from work and when I was done I went to bed. The following morning I didn't know what was happining to me, I was still asleep, all I know was my breast was all marked up and my private felt like it had a cut. It must of happen that morning because I felt it when I went to the bathroom, it burned like hell. Can I still get him for rape. I'm scred of what might happen if I leave this guy because he has made umerous of threats.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Hello hun,
You are in a destructive cycle. I have seen people treat their pets better than this. When you say he acts bad...do you mean criticisms, constant barrage of hurtful words, disrespect, anger, rages? If he does this and then apologizes, I can bet he has promised he will stop but he never does, does he. How much more can the human spirit survive? I am so sorry for your pain, dear. I just want to reach through this computer and offer you comfort, strength and hug you, tightly. It sounds like you need guidance as he's broken you down. Tisha provided you with a domestic abuse hotline to call. Please call them and never feel shame or embarrassment. These people are experts at they want to reach out.
I have some comments I want to add to give you insight and strength to get out of this awful circumstance, because all to often, an abuser is an emotionally, deeply insecure, broken person who has fine tuned the art of how to manipulate, con and break down one's confidence and spirit. And these people always look for nurturing, innocent, unsuspicious partners. He doesn't know how to love you, in a caring, respectful way. His brand of love is wrong and unhealthy. If he did love you in a healthy way, he would be not be taking away your freedom and isolating you from family/friends. He'd be encouraging you to get out and do things (work, hobbies, friends, family) things that make you happy. He'd want your happiness, he'd do everything possible to ensure you feel safe --plain and simple. A healthy good relationship is when both people always build each other up and encourage independence, they always show respect, empathy and compassion to each other.
Compassion shows support, encourages a sense of safety and trust. So now, you almost know for certain your husband may have raped you. For him to have done this, he clearly has no respect, nor love for you, and his behavior is usually punishable with jail, as the consequence. I am deeply worried, it appears the abuse is now escalating into something dark and even more evil. I am deeply worried about your personal safety. I know it's a lot to ask for you to pick up and leave him, but is there someone you can go to who can help sort things out some options with you?
The national hotline number that Tisha has given you, is also sponsered by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. It is here you can also can locate and implement resources available in your area, such as domestic violence counseling, legal advice, financial planning and emergency shelters. Individual counseling would be very helpful for you and any other members of your family (if there are children) , whom could have been affected by your husband's abuse against you. The counselors are there to help and support you. They are advocates for people who are being abused. They will listen to your demise and will offer you a good, support plan to get out of this.
I mention children---Is there any underaged, minor children in the house? Teenagers included. If there is, this one time you need to act quickly and with personal courage. They may know what is going on and haven't said anything. If it's time to lead by example, it's right now. If your children see that you have the courage to leave him, not only will they understand that abuse is wrong and intolerable, but you will be even more of a hero to them than you already are.
When you do leave, at some point, he will make an appeal to you, by offering to work this problem out by going to marriage counseling with you. I strongly advise against that. No one in a domestic abuse situations should seek therapy with their abuser because therapy encourages participants to be honest, and honesty can often encourage more abuse. You can never, ever trust an abusive partner, to remain safe. And he will make you pay. His abuse is because he's trying to control, and keep you right where he wants you. If he's raped you, then he's escalating into some something extremely dangerous for you. This man needs professional help. Please, keep in mind that abusers never change on their own. All they do is worsen if intensive counseling is not sought. You are his emotional 'battering ram', you are the one person he can control and you give him what he needs...a sense of balance in his unbalanced world. But look at the price you are paying. And what does he give back? Certainly not dignity and respect. But hurt, emotional pain, isolation, no self-worth and he's breaking you down. That is a crime against another human. No one, absolutely no one deserves to be treated this way. And let us know how you do. There is hope and a new chance at living with dignity. You just have to make that big step forward and make the call. And please...keep us posted and let us know how you do. Take care and my heart is with you. xxoo
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Oh dear, what you are going is so traumatic; Vow, I wish I could give you a hug;
Please try and remain CALM;
it is very difficult I know, but you need to FOCUS and DO as Tisha suggested;
Contact that number and get HELP FAST;
Do not let him know what you are planning or what you are doing;
Be strong and think about yourself and your future;
You are in my thoughts, best wishes and lots of hugs and SMILES.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi, you sound like you're in a horrible situation. I'm sorry, I don't know the answer to your question about if you can get him for rape. The best people to ask would be the police.
But I know how scary that can be, so I have a hotline/website for you to visit, so that you can start making your plans to get out. I know that he's made threats, but from what I understand all abusive men do this to keep their victims in submission and scared to do anything.
Call this number and they'll be able to refer you to a local organization that can help you start to plan your exit. You do have options, he's tried to remove them all, but you've found this site, and with the help of the group I list below, you can get out and get safe.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Phone 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).
Website http://www.ndvh.org.
Listen to Pepper, she knows what she's talking about, she survived and now shines around DearCupid like a star.
The website has an 'escape' key that will hide what you're looking at if needed, and of course the 800 number will not show up on the phone bill. Just make sure that you erase it from the redial list, so that he doesn't catch on that you're planning to leave. Take it very carefully.
I wish you good luck and a successful new life!
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Im going to keep intouch love untill we sort this out Ive got to go to work now if you want to message me please do I'll help in anyway I can, Ive got intouch with others that can help XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (14 August 2008):
Sweetheart you have to get out, I cant say enough how dangerous this man is.....
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/ER_Links.html
I found this site Im hoping some of my american friends can help more...You have just explained my abusive marriage sweetheart. You canot live this way you have to leave sweetheart, He is evil phone this helpline and hopfully they can help you with all your questions, If you can find somewere to go even if you only take a handfull of things with you...Hve you a victims support there. Im going to get intouch with an aunt who will know more than me ok hunny PLEASE TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (14 August 2008):
 leave him. if you have good enough evidence you could get him for abuse, and if he scares you you can get a restraining order and protection.
your number one priority should be that you are healthy and happy, and right now this man is all bad for you.
good luck!
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