A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am 19 years old and i have just found the most perfect guy for me, i have never felt like this before and i know he is the one for me. i have completely forgotten that other attractive guys exist because i only have eyes for him. however, i get very paranoid when it comes to me. i feel that i am not good enough for him, that i dont have the perfect body or i look pretty enough. i also get very paranoid when he finds other girls attractive. when it comes to famous girls i will constantly google search them to try and find ways i can look and act more like them. and other girls in the street i get very defensive and end up getting very jealous. i am scared that it will one day ruin our relationship as it gets to me quite badly. i also suffer from depression so it gets to me a lot faster than it probably should. i have spoken to other people about it but i would like as much advice as i possibly can as i really need as much reassurance as i can get. i know he only wants to be with me because he tells me sometimes but i was just like some outsiders advice, maybe some tips on how to overcome it?Thank you to anyone who answers. xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): You have to remember:you can't compare yourself to other women because YOU are the only YOU out there.You should also try trusting your boyfriend a little more.Just because he finds a woman attractive doesn't mean he'll run off with her or anything.If he said he only wants to be with you,then take his word for it.To sum everything up:be more trusting,and give yourself more credit:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Yea...
Its important you trust him.. all this is stemming from not trusting him.
Think about it. If you trusted him, you would not worry about him running off with some hotter version of you, yes?
Next time you catch him oogling some famous woman...or he mentions a woman from work or something.
Say, "its ok baby, I trust you"..
That will make him feel freer to make the right choice concerning you. Whereas, if you try to bottle him up, it will make him want to stray all the more.
Same applies for females, really.
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A
female
reader, shez10 +, writes (17 February 2010):
Hey , i would just like to say i am 19 yeard old & i have been in that situation. I have been with my bf for nearly 4 yrs now and i think its just paranoia coz its always at the start of the relationship when ur sooo into eachother. I've been there when he has sneakly looked a pretty girl walk by or say a lil comment but it just goes over my shoulder coz he is with me and thats how you should look at it. If he really wanted to be with all the other girls he comments on and he is a lovable as u say he is then he wud be long gone by now but he has chosen not to do that, he has chosen to be with you. That should tell you something in itself. He must be really into you aswell. When u care so much about someone and a goregous girl walks by and they look its only natural ! its like if a total hunk walked past you, you prob dnt realise it but u might probs quickly look. Even though he is the only one for you like you have explained its the same with him it seems as he is still with you. You need to get more confident with youself because if you feel like your not going to be good enough and have a lot of insecurities then other people are going to think that too. You need to think your worth a hell of a lot more and not to let your insecurities get the best of you. Im sure your relationship is fine, everybody is beautiful in their own way and so u gota be worth something if your you still in a relationship with him, u got nothing to worry bout darl:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): "i feel that i am not good enough for him, that i dont have the perfect body or i look pretty enough"
Funny how what I worry about is "Am I good enough for him, am I kind enough to him, caring, do I show him this, does he know how much I love him, am I treating him with respect?"
You and me worry about way different things, and not to sound full of myself, but I think my worries are of greater concern than yours. As long as you treat him the way he deserves, show him love, respect him and make him happy.. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. Looks aren't everything, not even half. And if he's with you Im pretty sure he likes what he sees.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): you said when he finds other girls attractive you feel insecure. Explain when he finds other girls attractive?
Like you are walking down the street and he is checking out other girls in front of you? Or does he just say, "hey, you see that girl over there? She's looks good."
Or do you ask him if he finds a girl attractive? Like an actress or model?
If so, don't set yourself up for failure. I sometimes ask my girl dumb questions like this. And she is just honest, then I get all worked up about it.
Bottom line, you have to remember, he is with you. Not any other girl. And just work out whenever you can so you feel better about your body. And he will like that too. I'm not saying go crazy and hit the gym every day, but an occasional work out makes you feel better about yourself.
I can be insecure sometimes too, but because my ex girlfriend cheated on me. so I guess in the back of my mind I'm wondering, "maybe I didn't look good enough for her." I have come to realize however that most of the time it has nothing to do with the person that was cheated on. It has more to do with the person that cheated. They usually have issues or problems that cause them to cheat.
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A
female
reader, Ria1 +, writes (17 February 2010):
Ok I'm not going to put it as harshly as 'get a life' but seriously girl, you need to find other things to get your mind of this, also he is only part of your life, you should be more worrying bout other things in your life, this isnt important! It will ruin your relationship, if you don't snap out of it soon! So SNAP out of it heh. :)
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (17 February 2010):
 From someone who has ruined a relationship because of being insecure, try and find out why you feel the way you do, and talk about it. Dont bottle it up.
Tiger x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
You need to find out why you feel so insecure. Has someone hurt you, or deserted you? Once you know why you you feel so insecure about this, you'll be able to understand yourself more and you'll be able to fix the problem. Look very closely at yourself and how you've been treated in the past. You'll find your answer, and then you will be able to fix all this.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (17 February 2010):
 So you're insecure....
Stop Googling, dont watch Soa's, ignore the Mags and listen to him - he's with you!
You're being brainwashed by the media and you're getting worse! Society doesn't dictate what yu should look like or be like - he's with you for you, not because he wants someone else!!
Get a life and stop taking so much notice of what the Media say you should be like!
Steve
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