A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for almost 2 years. I felt I need to break up since i didnot want to be in a relationship right now. I have too many problems and want to work through them. I have been in a relationship since all of hight school and beyond. It is unfortunate that I had to break up with this great girl after I thought I needed to be alone. I am not looking for a relationship. After I thought I dropped the bonb she came back at me like I had never seem her before. She talked and asked serious questions.I thought I was leaving her but at the end I tried to hug her and she took a step back and said no. She said after all this time you lied and pretended you cared for me. I told her I do and she said no you dont or you would not leave me like this after everything was going so great. I told her if she ever needed anything to call me. She assured me she would not, she said we have nothing, and there is nothing more to say. I will not be calling you again. Then I told her I would then be calling and she said for what we have nothing anymore and are nothing. then she asked me to leave. I had never seen her so upset. I did not know her at the time but I know she was hurt with my decision. I did tell her before 2 times that I was not sure I wanted to be in a relationship but we always made it right and good. Now I feel really bad how it ended and as you can see I guess I thought about it when I told her I would be calling then. I don't know what to do since I think I am regretting what I did. I care for her a lot but at the time it was a good idea. Do you think I have a chance with her again. this would be the third time I have told her this but the only time I have broken up with her making it seem like it was for good. She is so sweet and we alway got along great, being able to talk about everything. Well what can I do now?? Feeling like the ass.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Leave her alone! NO! You do NOT deserve another chance! You only want her at your convenience and Baby Boy I'm sorry but that's NOT how it goes down.You ever heard of the saying 'what goes around comes around?' Well it would behoove you to recognize that if you continue to stride cock-eyed arrogant thinking you're entitled to yo-yo with that girl's love for you that one day Mammy Karma's going to sucker-punch, upper-cut, slammed donk you with a girl who's going to bring you to your knees by doing the same thing to you that you are doing to this girl.It is perfectly acceptable that you do not want to be in a relationship at this point, and it is also admirable that you were honest in sharing this with the girl. However, it is deplorable that you think you can string her along until YOU decide what's best for you, which entails the possibility that it would include her...and then what?! There you done went and wasted the girls heart after stringing her along using and abusing as your misconstrued entitlement her love for you.Nay..Nay...Nay Nay Nay...Baby Boyz, it don't go down lyke dat!Keep it up, and you're going to wake up one day and find that the girl's not even going to even want you in her life as a friend...and what?!..what?!..You'll be the one walking around all pitiful, obese of regret.Don't just consider the present consequences of your words and actions, do the shuffle stride kickback suave with the forward thinking!Aight? Check yo'self Baby Boyz.God Bless.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): If I were her, I sure wouldn't take you back!! especially since I know you are not sure what you want. its down right mean of you to string her along for the ride when you are not sure what you want. be man enough to admit to her you are not ready to love her and stick to your words. I applaud this girl for having the high self esteem to distance herself from you and stay NO CONTACT with you for treating her this way. she is an awesome girl and I admire her self love and pride and YOU LOST OUT. I wished more women behaved like this in their dead end relationships, Men would treat us better. Some women will even let men demote them from girlfriend to booty call and the thought of that makes me shudder. I say Way to go to your ex!
I am glad to know there are women like me and your ex who will not let men like you walk over us. I hope when next you meet a girl you cherish her and NOT take her for granted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): It sounds to me like you honestly thought the best choice to make was to break up with her. You don't feel ready to be in a relationship at the moment, and there are things you would like to work on. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it is good that you were prepared to be honest. Breaking up with someone is never easy, but it sounds like you gave it a lot of thought and concluded that being single would be the best thing for you right now.
And now you say you regret breaking up with her. Do you? Or are you just feeling bad about the way she handled it? It just seems like you were confident about your decision until she exploded at you and became upset. And now you are having second thoughts. I am just wondering whether you are thinking about getting back with her simply because you feel bad about how it happened, and not because you really DO feel ready to be in a relationship again.
It is sad that she took it so badly, and it is understandable that she would be upset. However, you should not let her reaction or feelings influence your decision. If you believe that being single is the best thing for you right now, I think you should stick with that decision, regardless of her reaction. I understand that you had thought you would have contact, but it seems like she does not want that, or at least not yet. You may have to try and accept that, or at least give her time to come to terms with the break-up.
But if you are really regretting breaking up with her, then I think you should first think about it, and ask yourself whether you really do want to be in a relationship with her right now or not. If you don't, then don't let feelings of guilt change your mind. If you would like to try again, then I guess it depends on whether she is also willing to try again too. I think you would need to be straight with her though, as it will be very confusing if you suddenly started telling her you want to be with her, right after breaking up with her.
So be clear about what you want, decide what is best for YOU right now, and make your decision. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): She doesn't trust you anymore. The security, safety and protection that she naturally had within is now fear. I'm where she is and you've done massive damage. Even I, as the one damaged, can suggest a cure for repair. If I am the girl you speak of, it can't be fixed. I hope your girl is not this damaged. It's excruciating to be heart-broken but it's death to not feel love for the person anymore. Not hate. Just fear and safety from the hope that they stay away. Sorry it is. Love turns to fear is harder to repair than love turns to hate.I feel for you even that you're the villain. I can't give you advice that I myself can't give as victim.
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A
female
reader, Sabrena  +, writes (15 February 2011):
Wow this sounds very weird u break up with a girl u been with for two years and u tell urself that u guys will be back together as this has happened before bt she makes her mind up after hearing ur answers and she accepts the break up, u flip u didnt really wanted to break up? then y did u break up? ur really confused i thnk u need to be honest with urself. Do u want her or not? If u really want her and i mean really want her not the idea of being with someone bt really want her than please respond bk after two weeks. I think u should give urself two weeks to see if u want her or nt. Do not contact her if she contacts u jst say to her tht u love hr and tht u want at least two weeks to think and tht u will contact her as soon as u are sure of everythng. Thn tel us wt u decision is .. if u want her bk i cn and many others will be able to giv u tips bt am sure u knw her and would knw wt would win her bt fr nw thnk abt it do u want her or not. give urself two weeks. goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): There comes a point when enough is enough. If she rejects you, suck it up and move on drama free.
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Are you really regretting breaking up with her for the reasons you stated above, or are you regretting breaking up with her because of how she took it? Either way, two ears is a long time to spend in a relationship, and to end it by saying that "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship" is a bad way to leave it. Take it from a girl, when we hear this after a committment of 2 years, it spells bull sh!t!!! How were you capable of spending 2 years in a relationship when you weren't ready for one to begin with? You see where I'm going with this? It just doesn't make any sense.
My advise to you is to reevaluate your reasons for breaking up with this sweet girl. Was she needy? Did your personalities not mesh? Did someone else catch your eye? Do you have a committment phobea? I say this because at your age, 26-29, you're supposed to be looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. This is a big decesion, and if you are afraid of the long term committment, then maybe you have another issue entirely, that you are dealing with.
As for you having another shot with her, well, I don't really know what to say. After 2 years together and a sudden break up, I would be hurt, but if she loves you and you love her, then it's worth a try. I really hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (15 February 2011):
She is angry with you and feeling rejected and won't get over it straight away. You need to try and talk to her and see how you can resolve things but at the same time ensure she knows you have problems you need to sort.
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