A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im in a long distance relationship and see eachother once a month at the moment untill i get a job closer to him. He has been acting distant with me but says that it's ok for men to act distant cause that just men and that hell never stop loving me. I don't understand that, if you love someone u don't treat them like that. I asked if we should just be friends, he goes " I can't be friends with u, it's either gf or nothing".... So we're still together, but why does he take me for granted? What should I do to make him realise what he's doing is unfair (talking about it doesn't work cause he says it's me that's making up the distant feeling).. He doesn't act like he use to act with me, now I feel like a chore to him. He randomly cuts are text convos at night and says "night" .. When I know he's awake just playing comp games...he does this every night. if i dont text him, he rarely ever texts me...he wont break up with me but he doesnt treat me right. talking about it to him doesnt help cause he acts as though im the one whos got the problem.Should I ignore his texts when he does text? I'd appreciate any advice :-)He use to be so loving and nice, especially when I was there... Why have things changed?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 no not all men are distant.
in August 2010 I laid eyes on a guy I thought was cute. I made a pass at him... he was flattered but clueless. In November 2010 I hit the poor boy over the head with a stick and said "HEY I'm HERE"... he lived 2 hours away by car.
We saw each other once in December 2010, Once in January 2011 and by the end of february 2011 we were every other weekend... we had daily emails and by the end of March 2011 we had weekly visits and daily contact rarely texting. My husband is not a texter.
My going to him most of the time... it was easier that way but by June 2011 we knew it was serious. By December 2011 he had given up his apartment and moved down to my home to make it OUR home. We got married last month....
we were able to make the LDR part work for several reasons.
1. we had the time to be together... a two hour drive once a week was very doable for me...
2. we BOTH made the effort to row our relationship boat
3. we both knew that he would have to relocate and be with me if we wanted this to work permanently.
Here's my take on your issues:
STOP putting all the power in his court. YOU asked him if you should break up... ummm why is it his job... YOU are unhappy, he is disrespecting you and ignoring you and not meeting your needs... why do you need HIS PERMISSION to break up.
Tell him... "look I know not all men are like this.. IT's YOU and it's NOT acceptable to me so since you don't want to be friends and I need MORE from you than you are willing to give, it's time for us to part ways"
now two things could happen.
1. he's relieved you are ending it because he's too chicken to do it so he mistreated you until you did the dirty work for him
or
2. he realizes the error of his ways and he tries to make amends. Here is the tricky part... how much are you willing to let him try to fix it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Dear anonymous,
im currently in ALMOST the same position. Chances are he's acting that way towards you is because he misses you and he doesn't really know how to react about it. or he could be seeing someone while still being in love with you but having feelings towards someone else. he certainly is pushing you away though. Try speaking to him and asking whats wrong, does he want space etc. long distant relationships are REALLY hard to maintain . remind him on how much you love him and how much you appreciate him, remind him on all the fun things you guys did together. keep the fire going while you're away, if you love him do everything you can to keep him close to you while you're away
xoxo-Jillian
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I was the guy in such a relationship, and the reason I unplugged almost exactly like this was because I lost faith that she would ever really come. I would have moved if I could have. After a few years, I finally broke it off because I just couldn't live like that any more. Our time together was awesome, but it wasn't enough. After I broke it off, she was desperate and only then made the commitment to relocate.
It's just my guess, of course, but I think he's trying to tell you that you can't have this long-distance thing forever. If you can't give him what he needs, he's going to withhold what you need. That's what I did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): sounds like he's gotten lazy in the relationship. and it also sounds like you've done everything you can to communicate your feelings and needs to him, and he's still not listening. i hate advocating this, but sometimes, i suggest breaking up or at least taking a break. because i assure you, THAT will get his attention and make him realize you're serious. and since he loves you and doesn't want to lose you, i assure you, he will straighten up. and then you can make the decision of whether or not you want to go back to him.
good luck.
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