A
female
age
30-35,
*licia89
writes:So lately i have been feeling like a nobody. I dont have a job, i dropped out of school back in 2008, havent been able to get my g.e.d and have been a house wife ever since my son was born in 2009. Ive had two jobs between 2009 thru now but didnt stay that long. Im just getting tired of doing nothing with my self. I feel as if im a nodody. Theirs not a night that goes by that i dont think to myself " go find a job" and as soon as i wake up i just forget about it or ignore it. Im a smart girl i never got bad grades or failed a grade level... Just until senior year. After that my life got the wrong road. I love my husband and son dont get me wrong, i just need to do me. My parents offer me to take care of my son but i feel as if im not going to do my job as a mother im just soo use to being with him. My head is not straight. One day im all excited and pumped up saying to myself i can do this and as soon as i try to do something i go back. Im really disappinted in myself i never thought this is how i would be at 23 years old. I just dont have confidence in my self to go out in this world. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): being a full time mother can be great if that's your choice, instead of something you do because you feel you have no other choice, If I were you I'd take the time to take some classes, like something useful for a future job maybe, I don't know how things work in america, but trying to get an education now you're young and your parents are offering to look after your son may be a good idea, then you could try to find a job that suits your schedule, you could work part-time so you'd still have time for your kid,
if you really want to work perhaps you could try to do your resume and just sent it through email, if the employees are interested they'll call you to do an interview, as simple as that, the more interviews you do the easier it gets
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 February 2013):
Ok, tough love time.
Everything you have posted screams to me of outright laziness. "I had two jobs but didnt stay long." "I wake up and forget about looking for a job." You know, I get up at 530AM every day so Im in the office by 645AM, and I typically work until 6 or 7 at night. I sure wish I had the option of "forgetting about it" some days or "not staying long."
If you are not working, by mathematical necessity you are leaching off the work of others. Get off your ass and get out there and get to work. There are jobs out there for the very motivated. Winners will be winners and losers will be losers. Decide which you will be. Tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2013):
 First off, kudos to you for not pawning of your son on your parents. However, asking for help doesn't mean you are a bad mom.
If I were you, I would stop beating yourself up and make a list of things you want to achieve.
I would put GED on top of that list and find out what YOU need to do in order to pass it. Then I would talk to your parents/husband and figure out how to put your plan in action. The reason I say put GED on top of the list, is because WITH a GED the jobs you can get will help you achieve other goals. Once you have that down, maybe you will feel more inspired to either work on college or getting a job. There are SO many GRANTS out there for young mom that you can apply for.
You will be an EVEN BETTER mom, once you start feeling better about yourself and your future.
Also, DO take your parents up on it if they want to watch your son here and there so you can take a few hours for yourself. THAT doesn't make you bad mom either. Trust me, you NEED a little ME-time.
Last but not least, don't give up and STOP the pitty party. Set yourself some goals and then GO for them, don't sit at home and feel sorry for yourself - the only thing holding you back right now is YOU. :) Don't do that to yourself.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 February 2013):
I think this is a situation that many women (possibly even men) find themselves in. You're not alone, nothing is wrong with you.
Keep in mind that you and your life are in transition; right now your child needs you. In just a year or two they'll be in school and suddenly you'll find yourself with more time than you know what to do with. You'll be able to finish school, get a job and move on with your life.
Trust me, you're 23, you have a ton of time left to be where you envisioned you'd be.
Sometimes you have to remind yourself of these kinds of things in order to keep from going crazy.
Also I'd like to suggest that you enjoy some time to yourself. You may think that you don't need it but trust me you do. Even just going to a movie or doing something simple and not worrying about anyone is good for you.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Hi, Try going back to school and educating yourself. Dont think we I am old because you are not and others have done it. I have a sister in law at 30 who decided to finish school and become a teached which she achieved. So do something about it.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 February 2013):
Hi there. It sounds like you are in a bit of a rut.
Perhaps it's not so much that you feel you should be out working, but more that you don't give yourself enough time to simply enjoy life.
You have the support of your husband, and so I assume he is employed.
Only because you didn't mention it.
Is the reason you believe you ought to be out working, a financial one?
Or, is it that you just want to be doing more with your life - as well as being a mother?
Because, you are primarily a mother now, which poses some limitations on your time, no doubt.
And I have a feeling that motherhood on it's own, is just not enough for you anymore.
You want MORE.
And that's absolutely fair.
Just because you want more from life for yourself, it does NOT make you an uncaring or selfish mother.
Not at all.
In fact, it's quite understandable.
And I imagine that your average day is mostly spent at home with just you and your son.
Being that he was born in 2009, makes him almost 4 years old now.
Would it be a possibility for you, to put him into a child care education centre, say for just one day a week?
Would that be affordable for you and your husband?
I realize they can be fairly expensive, although as he will be starting kindergarten in the next year or two anyway, it could serve a dual purpose.
ONE - would be that he gets some early education, prior to starting kindergarten.
and TWO - it would give you that one day of each week for some time to yourself, to pursue a hobby, for instance.
Or, to go and have a coffee and cake with some friends, perhaps.
So it's possible, that it's not so much that you really NEED a job right now, but just that you need some adult company during your average day.
When you leave the workforce, it can be very isolating indeed.
Whereas when you go off to work each day and are with quite a few people every day - for 8 hours - you have some company all day long.
And so it's very likely, that what you are feeling could be a sense of loneliness and isolation, because you miss that environment.
And that's quite normal.
And if a child care education centre is not an option for you, maybe you could graciously accept the offer your parents gave you to mind your son sometimes.
They wouldn't offer if they didn't want to do it.
I'm sure they would absolutely love to spend some time with their grandson, one day a week.
It's not like you would be taking him over their every single day, now is it?
It does honestly, sound like you are badly in need of some much earned "Me Time."
And we all need that on a regular basis.
And then over time, when you get this balance back in your life once more, you can then give some thought to what else you would like to do with your life in the not too distant future.
It will kind of open the gates.
To bigger and better things.
And I have no doubt whatsoever, that it will make a tremendous difference, in a very positive way.
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A
male
reader, Captain Teddy Bear +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Dear disappointed, I'm going to give you two perspectives on this dilemma. The first perspective is home maker. Don't ever underestimate the power of being a wife and a mother. It's true when they say that behind every good man is a great woman. My wife has inspired (kicked me in the butt) to get a better job, get a degree, enhance my skills to get raises, etc. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a home maker if you're satisfied doing so. The value you bring by taking care of your son and husband, while not measurable, is immense. If you decide to keep to this path, you can take satisfaction in the fact that your son will have had all the guidance and preparation he could ask for to face the world, and your husband will have had all the love he needs as he works to provide for your family. The second perspective is bread winner. If you're truly unhappy just sitting at home and cannot see value in what you do there, getting a job, even part time, can be very fulfilling. The many positive aspects of socializing, being productive, and being challenged in the workplace are hard to find at home. A few questions arise though in this path. Childcare is the first, but if your parents are willing to watch your son, this may not be that big of an issue. I know my grandparents positively impacted my life, and your son's could do the same for him. The second question that arises is, when are you going to feel motivated enough to actually do something about it? If you truly want to work, even on a part time basis, you should set some small goals and work toward that. Some of those could be getting a GED, building a resume`, deciding what field you'd like to work in, getting your first interview, and there could be many others. Just like learning to become a good mother and a good wife, a successful career will take a great deal of work, but it will be extremely rewarding as well.
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