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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriends ex still contacts him saying she loves him and wants him back. it wouldn't bother me so much but she has a boyfriend, he was seeing me for a month then broke things off to make sure things were done with her.now we are back on and after quite the telling off from me. He doesn't want her back. but thing is it upsets me that she contacts him all the time. that when i visit his home town for whatever reason we seem to bump into her. sods law and all that. i don't want to rub her nose in it and he wants to remain friends but every time its me and him and she's there. she completely ignores i am there. she will talk to my boyfriend and i feel like i don't exist.My boyfriend is not the best at signals and i think he is trying to spare her feelings but i am getting tired of just taking it, and when we bump into her he doesn't hug me often or hold my hand. i just don't feel secure. I haven't had to deal with this before, i have said to my boyfriend i would be fine if she could be my friend and we go out as a group. But she wont even acknowledge me. later this night she was texting him saying come down to this bar. he told me saying he had said no, but wanted my opinion. i said no i would rather not go to a bar where your ex ignores me and i feel insecure. quite honestly how would you feel? if my exes were like this, the only reason i am friends with a few of mine is that we have both moved on and can be friends. his face changed a bit, think it sunk in. I know i don't have much reason to feel insecure as he is committed to me but it hurts, and on some level i still feel like a third wheel. How do i deal with this, any help appreciated. Thank you x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): You need to stand up for herself girl because she is trying to take your
man. And the fact that she ignores you shows that she doesn't have any intentions to be your friend and why would you want to anyway. What you need to do is take control and talk to your boyfriend about how you
feel and get him to stop contact completely by changing his phone
number and if he still needs a push then you could say that you have had enough and that if he wants to be with you then he needs to do it.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 YOU not feeling secure in your relationship is your issue.
If you have asked him not to be friends with her (and for the life of me I don't get why folks want to be friends with ex lovers) and he disrespects your needs and wants over hers... well he's made his choice... he choose her...
right?
now you can come back and tell me... NO he has not chosen her... but only if you really believe it... and if you really believe it then I see no problem...
Personally, I get why you feel the way you do... both my hubby and I believe an ex is just that an ex. WE are civil and friendly when we run into them, but we are NOT friends and we do not keep in contact.
IF you keep in contact with your ex partners how can you demand that your current partner do something different?
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A
male
reader, nowin3d +, writes (7 February 2013):
Just tell him to ignore her calls. You are his girlfriend at the moment. There is no reason for him to talk to her. It should be the same for you. Why even be friends with exes when there are lots of other people to be friends with?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Well you need to take a stand, either he tells her get lost and block her number or you walk away. This will only get worst and you will end up looking bad as you end up fighting with him and the ex looks so comforting.
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