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male
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*rigger
writes: I was seeing this girl Jane. She recently split with her Ex and we got together ( we originally met over net ) Anyway it was a somewhat rocky ride for 4 weeks because she was acting funny and stuff. I confronted her a number of times and basically all she said is she needs time. So 2 weeks ago i decided to try one final time and decided it was time to finish it. Now this was hard because i like her a lot and she said can we be friends and i said no because it wouldnt work and not to contact me untill she is ready for a relationship ( Because she admited she rushed into it ). Anyway she was messaging me online 2 days later and we got talking again ( Yes i know I'm too soft ) and things have taken a turn in some ways because we talk very openly now. So i said the other night, because i wanted to know, do you YES or NO want a relationship or do you think its possible when you're ready or whatever. The convo went on and she couldnt say yes or no. She was wavering more to yes but she confused me as normal. She's going on talking on the phone and we were getting on so well and she's told me shit that she hasn't told anyone else, so i asked again to clarify what she wanted and she said "I just need a friend for now, but there's defo something there" Now i dunno if anyone has ever been in this situation but i tell ya, your talking to the gurl you think the world of and she says "lets just be friends and see what happens" then its kinda hard to "Just be friends" So shes like, "Your a very special friend to me, and i am worried that if we get together and we was to split up then i would loose that special friendship we have" And she seems to think that my personality is gonna change or something if we got together and gave it a proper go, well all i can do is screw my face up and hit something ( Unfortunately that was mark last week, Sorry mate ) And i just have NO idea what to do here, all i can think is that i should of finished her A LONG time ago so i wasnt in this position lol, anyway, any advice would help for sure, Thank you in advance!
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (22 September 2005):
 My my, poor mark!! Mate, the way you;re gonig with this, you're gonna end up losing her completely!! Let her be, if she doesnt want to get into a relationship now, dont force her. The more you ask her, the more it makes you seem clingy and pressuring her, which trust me, is only going to drive her away. What you want to do is to make her realise that shes the one losing out on all this, not yourself. Talk to her and be friendly but also show like you;ve lost interest in her, if you know what I mean. That way, instead of pushing her to make her mind up with a yes or no question, you're doing it by subtly telling her that you aint gonna hang around forever!! Good luck mate!
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (20 September 2005):
Pushing her into making a decision of either a relationship or nothing is not going to help things. Give this girl some time. It sounds like she is really interested in you. It is just she has a problem from her last relationship. Have you ever heard the expression once burnt twice shy?
I'm guessing that in the last relationship that the guy changed and they couldn't get along anymore. If this be the case, then its very possible that she is afraid if she gets into another relationship, (no matter how wonderful the man seems) that he will change and it will end up like before.
Start slowly, don't rush her.
Remember:
Anything worth while is worth waiting for is she?
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