A
female
age
30-35,
*anni1994
writes:Hi i need your help , me and my boyfriend have been together for a long time now and for a couple of months wev been talking about having a kid, my Heart has been set on having a child for years now and im soo certain that im ready for the responsibilities and the time that is needed in looking after a child. However my boyfriend says hes not ready please help me im stuck... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 So, to show your father that you are in fact responsible, you would do something totally irresponsible like making a baby, at age 16, unemployed, when you haven't finished your education and not acquired marketable skills yet- and the baby's dad would be a semi-unemployed guy.
Faulty logic. You would prove your father absolutely right !
Who's gonna pay for raising this child ?Who is gonna help you putting a roof over his head... Maybe the same parant to whom you want to prove how responsible you are ?....
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I understand that the things our parents do to us can stick with us forever. That's why you should not have a kid out of spite, or to prove anything to some ass who would say that to his own child.
Worse yet, if you have a kid now, you'll be proving him right - it's an incredibly irresponsible thing to do, and will cost you your college career with its time demands.
Again, your boyfriend needs to be 100% behind this. Getting pregnant without his permission is a good way to turn a loving, caring boyfriend into the kind of guy who moves to the next county and sends a check every two weeks. Don't do it.
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (12 October 2010):
If you want to have a child because of what your father said then you want a child for the wrong reasons. Your having a child not out of love, but out of spite. You are not ready for this yet. You really do need to wait.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 October 2010):
Right, so your bf works 3 nights a week and you don't work at all.
How are you going to pay for the child? Because that sort of income is just pocket money where a child is concerned. However, you probably know that already. Who is going to pay? People like me who work, pay taxes and wait to have children because I don't think we can afford it yet. I assume that you still live at home and live off what your parents earn, same for your bf. So I imagine that you will just plan to live with your parents- unless you get given free accommodation- and expect the state to cough up for a baby which you are too selfish to wait for.
What on earth do you think you can offer a child at your age; you're not even old enough to have A-levels yet. Even though your bf is 19 he only works three nights a week. He seems to have his head screwed on about this if he says he's not ready. He can't give a child a good life doing a job like that; 3 nights of work doesn't bring in enough income to raise a child properly. I don't know if you listen to the news, but haven't you heard all these parents discussing how difficult it will be to raise children without child benefit even though they are a higher rate tax payer? They are earning substantial amounts of money, and it is still a struggle for them. How do you think you are going to manage, basically living off the state and whatever your bf earns.
I am sorry for what your father said. But I don't think it is fair to bring a baby into this world, knowing full well you can't afford to provide for it properly, just to prove him wrong. What's wrong with waiting?
In my opinion, if your father said you would never be responsible for anything, and you now go off and have a child which you can't afford when you haven't even got a full education, then you are proving him to be right! Having a baby in your situation is completely irresponsible. Get some A-levels, maybe go to uni, get a job. Build up a stable base on which to raise a child.
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female
reader, danni1994 +, writes (11 October 2010):
danni1994 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi my boyfriend is turning 20 in january and yes im 16 turning 17 in 4 months time, i think i want a baby so badly cos my father used to say to me im a waste of life and id never be able to be responsibale for anything, Im in college just started, I dont have a job but my boyfriend does he works 3 nights at TESCO Wednesday to Friday.
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male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (11 October 2010):
I think your boyfriend has the right idea on this one. You may think that you're ready, but at your age people are rarely ready to have kids. In a couple of years you will be in college and that is what you will need to focus on then. You really do need to wait until after you're done with college. On top of that have you considered how you would even pay the expenses of having a child right now or how your parents would react. Hunny, you really do need to wait.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Dear, looking at your age bracket, I can tell you already that you are not ready for a child. Are you financially stable (as in few or no student loans and not needing to rely on parents for everything)? Are you ready for the physical changes that occur with you? Do you have any younger siblings? Do you realize the amount of work that goes into caring for a baby? Are you in school yet? Babies wake up a lot during the night...can you handle lack of sleep + school? And you realize that your social life will greatly decline, right?
There are a lot more questions I could be asking, but that's all I'll say for now.
If your boyfriend is not ready, then now is not the time. You both have to know the responsibilities attached to bringing in a living, breathing baby - a new life that is yours to care for. If he's not ready, he may leave, and where would that leave you? It is twice as hard raising a child as a single parent than with a partner.
Too young!
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (11 October 2010):
You are only 16 to 17 years old?!?! Please wait. Continue to live your life and think about it again in 5 to 7 years. You have so much living to do!! Travel the world; explore new career opportunities, etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): You need to wait longer. Having a child is a 2 person job, not just one. Also, you both are most likely not mature enough yet to have a child. Just because you stay with someone for awhile doesn't make you ready to have children together. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and still aren't ready, and we are some of the most mature people I know.
Every single person I've ever known who thought the way you did (upwards of 12-15 people) now heavily HEAVILY regret it. They love their children to death, but having a child that young LITERALLY steals your life from you.
First, you need to grow and mature. Experience all those things you NEVER will be able to after you have a kid. Enjoy your young life while you can. You have around 20 years to be young and 70+ to be older/parent. Then, have a long committed relationship with someone who has similar life goals. You can't force someone to have a kid with you. Just that in itself shows you are too immature for a child. Then, start planning with this person. If it is in your personal beliefs, marry or at least move in together. PREPARE PREPARE PREPARE. Go to classes, read books, baby sit. Babies are only cute cuddly things 10% of the time. The rest they scream, cry, poop, eat, and throw up all over you.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 October 2010):
You're what, 16? 17? Don't have a baby yet at all! Wait until you're at least 20. Doing it now will make you both much more likely to end up raising it in poverty.
Also, if you really care about your boyfriend or your future child, don't have it until you're both 100% ready, without any pressure. The worst thing you could inflict on your family would be to start it when the father is not ready for it.
If the situation were reversed, would you want him pressuring you into getting pregnant when you weren't ready? Probably not, so don't do it to him.
You'll have to be patient, maybe for years, but it will be worth the wait when you can have a successful, happy child in the right circumstances.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Are you seriously 16-17? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own? Does your boyfriend have a job? Are you still in school? Is college an option? Do you have money saved up? Are you responsible with your bills?
I can't imagine that a 16-17 year old is at that point yet, and if your boyfriend is the same age, honey he's not ready. Can you blame a young guy for not being ready for that amount of responsibility yet?
What's your rush for a baby? Are there any other aspects of your life that you would prefer to work on before jumping into being a mother? Talk with him about it more, listen to him when he says he's not ready, ask him why he's not ready.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 You may need to wait longer, but make sure to ask him when he thinks he'll be ready and if he can see himself having children in the future
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