A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help me!My bf is in love with me. My friends said they can just tell by the way he is with me, that he does love me so much. And sometimes he sits and stares at me etc and when I ask what he says "I just...love you".Seems all very perfect. BUT. He's quite a flirt and popular with the girls. Which I find INCREDIBLY hard as I am quite insecure and were have a bit of a history where he lied about meeting his ex etc so trusting him with girls is hard. But I don't want to ruin an otherwise fantastic relationship. Do I chat with him..or..?! Help, please.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MG GAY GUY  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Ok, been through this myself too - firstly, although it takes a bit of work, if you can change your perspective on what seems like his flirting, and being popular with other girls to one of - well let them see what I have in him, and what they can only desire. If he is with you it is because he wants to be.
The lies, now that is a different matter - perhaps he lied because he knew you would be upset about something that may be and probably was, innocent.
Trust me- the fastest way to lose a relationship is to be too insecure in your partners eye.
Something you may like to examine is where this insecurity came from - was your parents relationship positive or negative - are you playing out old patterns that may not suit this situation?
If he says he loves you, and he would have no other reason to say it unless he meant it, then maybe it would be a good idea to - not confront him - but to just discuss how you feel sometimes - without being accusatory. If he is mature enough he will reassure you a bit - but even here - he doesn't really have to or need to if he is dedicated to you.
Men are visual creatures and it can be healthy for both of you to look but not touch members of the opposite sex.
It only means he may think they are attractive, but NOT that he wants to be with them.
If he isn't showing any signs of straying - please, cut him some slack and go easy on yourself too - you can't hate your insecurity away. You can work on feeling more deserving though. Maybe that is the answer. Best of luck, and I know how hard it can be. Just relax and flow with things a little bit more.
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