A
male
age
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*yonsdown
writes:I'm on the dating scene.I'm quite well-off, but I hate women who are after a free ride.I know as the man I'm expected to pay,initially at least. But am I wrong to judge a woman because she doesn't have the manners to even offer to pay her way? It really annoys me, and makes me feel used. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (12 September 2007):
I thought my answer was totally from a time warp until I read TELLULAH's answer. There are still some girls out there for us sucessful men. We spent so much time making money that we failed to notice all the Rosie the Riveters who want to work and pay their own way, find a man who's looking for an equal partnership, and wants to negotiate all household issues. I personally think this has hurt our women, children and the institution of marriage. What does a new age man gain by a marriage? Now our children get raised by a liberated woman in fatherless homes.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Hi,
I think your question is really interesting, because you mention you are quite well off but you dont like it when a girl is asked out and doesnt cough up for half?. Do you mean on the first date?.
I had a guy that was really well off, I helped him build up his buisness. When we first dated he was ok and treated me pretty well, but always expected me to pay at least half of the going out bills. The thing he didnt take into concideration was that I was no where near as well off as him and a single parent that had to work very hard and still support two kids as well as helping him. I never took advantage of him, and if I couldnt afford to go out, I would cook for him at my home.
He ate at my house most of the week and never offered a penny towards the shopping. And yet he still made nasty comments about me paying for large rounds of drinks when out with his mates.
To my mind he was tight as a ducks ar**. He could easily afford to take me out, I dont even drink much.
I am not saying you are like this buy the way, but just a veiw from a different angle, and a girl that could not afford his lifestyle.
I am now with a man that wouldnt dream of asking me to pay for anything when we go out, he treats me like a princess. In return I look after him like he is gold-dust, he lives with me and doesnt have to lift a finger, around the house.
I know that I wont be popular for saying this, but the old fashioned way is kind of nice. I love looking after my man, he is really special and the kindest person I have ever met.
I hope you find the girl you are looking for.XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): The person that asks the other out should pay on a first date - but it should only be a problem if, repeatedly, the woman expects you to pay and makes no effort to offer then it is warning bells. It depends on her circumstances. If she cannot afford to pay to go out I would expect her to cook a lovely meal in her own home or yours, which would be more affordable and in some ways a bigger gesture because of the effort involved. I think there are gold diggers out there and it always amazes me how they manage to hunt down wealthy but clueless men - I'm glad to see you're not going to be taken for a ride! Lets put it this way - the woman who is just after your money will be smoked out pretty soon and won't be one for you. Perhaps you could think of a low key first daten or two that will see whether she is just after the money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I agree that the person who asks for the first date should pay. However, any further dates and the woman should at least offer to assist in paying. I have always, even on first dates, expected to have to pay my share. One, I think it's only fair now adays. Two, I was raised to never take a chance on assuming the other person has the money or intends to pay. It seems that a new generation of women are coming up expecting to have everything given to them. While I think everyone should expect some consideration and manners, I can't stand those who expect a free ride. I understand what your saying and think you have a valid point.
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 If im asked when somebody calls me for dinner i presume he is going to pay the bill, the first time!! And why not? When i ask somebody for dinner, than i expect and im prepared o pay the bill.Cannot see the reason why u re annoyed...Its generaly rule, that when u ask a woman first time to dine with you, you should pay the bill. And i agree with it. Of course, that does not mean she will not pay the drinks later , maybe or next dinner ... Its imply how it goes, guess...
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (11 September 2007):
 I can understand myself why you feel this way. When I was dating, I always offered to pay my share. Sometimes the guy accepted and sometimes he didn't, just depended actually on the guy. I never felt bad paying my share, I guess because I always looked at it as he has to work to. We all work hard, well, most of us, and we all have bills to pay. And even I have paid for my date, where he never paid a dime!!! So it works even both ways!!!
I will admit though, most women if asked out, do feel if they are being asked out..that means he is footing the bill. Period! Old school, that's how it used to be. There's no offering for their share or anything...those women, I personally would stay away from. I feel they have no consideration.
Good Luck and God Bless!!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Nobody should expect a free ride at any time. It's presumptuous and cheap. You should always offer to pay your share. There are times when you might not end up paying but that doesn't matter. The person who doesn't expect to pay is actually the cheap one. They assume someone else id going to pay for the food or drinks for the privilege of their company....
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi Lyonsdown
Well im with you on this and im a female! I dont even think they guy should fork out the first date. If we go for a drink, he will usually buy the first round but i go next etc etc Dinner i would go halves on too, unless they really insist! But it doesnt rest easy with me if they do!
I think its a cheek women that assume a bloke is paying it all. I would be well miffed if a bloke just sat there and didnt offer a penny.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 September 2007):
Hey Lad, the answer to your question depends on the kind of woman you want. If you want a "so called" modern woman, then keep on looking you haven't found her. Personally I prefer the type who loves, honors and obeys her man. She never expects to pay unless she invites me. Then I pay anyway.
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