A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel. Whenever I get unusually upset about something (and I try and hold it in), but he always seems to know that something's up and asks me about it. At first, I play it cool with a simple, "oh I'm fine" and a forced smile, but he always knows I'm lying. This is when he starts to get agitated, asking over and over again what my problem is and why I won't tell him what's wrong. His agitation makes me completely shut down, and no matter how much I want to tell him why I'm sad I just can't. He eventually gets so frustrated that he leaves me alone. I think I'm too aware of the fact that once we graduate university we'll have to go our separate ways and I'm putting a wall up so it's easier when he leaves, but is that smart of me? Should I let him in? How do I tell him how I feel?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (26 September 2016):
 You know your time together is limited, are you really invested in spending that dwindling time in a sad state that it's going away? Imagine yourself 5 years from now: are you going to look back at this time with regret or satisfaction that you closed yourself off because you were hurting? It's possible that your sadness could result in you losing a friend. You should just let him in and see where the cards fall. You'll feel better in the long term that you put yourself out there, that's the best way to live.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (25 September 2016):
Is it smart to put up a wall? Well it’s only you that loses out. So you will go your separate ways, but there’s phone calls, video calling, texting and good old-fashioned travelling to visit. You don’t need to be around some-one these days to be close, so maybe you just need to think a bit more creatively about this. I wonder whether you put this wall up because you will be separated, or whether it’s because you don’t want him to know what your feelings are. Do you have feelings for him? Or is it something else?
What I do know is that most people regret saying nothing more than taking a chance when it comes to feelings for a person. I also know that when things get tough, we can’t always cope on our own and need the support of friends and family. It isn’t wise to shut people out especially when, since you post this question, it’s fair to assume that you want to let him in.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 September 2016):
 Do you actually WANT to tell him what you are upset about? If not, then he is invading space you do not want him to invade. If you do, and it is just that you are unable to tell him (reasons for this may vary - fear he won't understand, fear he will laugh, a feeling of vulnerability if you let someone else in on what must seem intimate information), then you are not really as close to him as you think.
Either way, it is not right for him to get angry with you for being unwilling/unable to tell him what is wrong.
I do have a suspicion here though: do you do the "sad" thing because you are actually seeking attention and feel any attention is better than none? Ask yourself honestly. I say this because, if this is someone you have known for a while, and you obviously know how he will react if he feels you are unhappy but not telling him why, if you didn't actually seek this reaction, you would hide your moods from him and pretend everything was ok.
My biggest suspicion here is that you want this guy as more than a friend. Your fear of losing him once you leave uni would indicate that there may be more here than just friendship. If this is the case, have you asked him how he feels? If you don't ask, you will never know.
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