A
female
age
30-35,
*zbabybat
writes:Ok, i have been happily married for a year now. My husband is about the most wonderful thing that has ever happend in my life. But now im pregnant. Not really a shocker. We have been unprotected for about two years now. But the thing is, we have taken part in other sexual activities with others. My husband and I are BOTH bisexual. So its mostly been men we have been with. I guess im at the point now that i want to be with just him. im clean, been tested, but i am afriad if we keep it up, my child may contract a std from someone. I told my husband this, but he seems unwilling to want to give this up in his life. I feel i might have spoiled and led him to believe that everything about it is fine. But I end up in tears just about every night. During the day I feel depressed, and I feel that he may never "only want me." Im afraid if I tell him to stop this he'll leave me. or worse, cheat on me and I and or our baby will get something. I know he talks to other girls and tells them there sexy, hott, cute, whatever and when I confront him he believes the best way to deal with it is to delete the account that I found it in and in a few weeks when I dont know remake that account. what can I do?
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female
reader, junebug +, writes (14 August 2008):
i know it hard to leave someone u love and carring there child.its easier said then done.maybe he just wants to have fun b4 the baby comes?u really just tell him if he loves u he needs to listen and then tell him what would happen if he got something and gave it to u and u pass it to ur guys unborn child.if u dont know the birth deffects the baby can gave then look them up priant them out and show him.ur baby can get climadya in its eyes and ...i think its that std.but its more then what he relizes. Yea i said leave him but no one knows who hard that is specially if u have no family or friends.(i dont eiather)im happy u said u used protection and im not gonna judge u cuz my b/f and i have 3 sums.well thats the most u can really do if u cant leave just try and try to get through his head and i really do wish u the best cuz ur going through such a hard time.xoxojunebug
A
female
reader, Mzbabybat +, writes (14 August 2008):
Mzbabybat is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for the advice, but to make things a little more clear on the situation. first, my husband is THE ONLY ONE i have had unprotected sex with. (i dont want there kids only his)
second, i quite frankly dont have any relatives, by choosing him i lost them, (and thats a whole nother story), and all the friends i have, we're previously only his friends. so cant really go there.
third, setting ground rules only makes it that much harder on us. he gets very withdrawn, wont talk to me about things, and just does things by himself. its very frustrating for me to see him do this.
and lastly, i guess its that i dont have the balls to do it, but i cant seem to actually leave. the ONE time i decided i would do it he actually walked over and just held me, i feel so safe in his arms, but i know i shouldnt, when hes messing like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Spot on, Collaroy!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi,
The one thing that needs to happen is your husband has to grow up and realise he is a married man not a kid in a candy store. If he is as young as you this may be harder than it sounds, as he has had the life of Riley up till now.
But you are now pregnant and your priorities have changed. How you havent contracted an STD yet while having unprotected sex with strangers is frankly a miracle. But rest assured you will , as your husband sounds like he will continue on his merry way.
I think you need to get serious, after all do you want to damage the health of your baby? This is what is at stake here, I don't think your husband has the maturity to realise the gravity of the situation. Unless you can convey it to him, I fear it is only a matter of time before you pick something up.
You need to set some ground rules, if he falls once, then have a plan B , move out to a family member or friends place. You are not playing games anymore, you are playing with your child's life with another child (your husband). It will be all very well to look back in hindsight when it all goes horribly wrong, but you can stop this now. You just have to be firm and not take any of his crap excuses.
I think he needs a rude awakening to make him change his ways, I would suggest you take a break for a couple of weeks, go see a relative, tell him that you need to be 100% sure he is going to change his ways because you are not prepared to put your child's life at risk. He certainly will not take responsibility for it by the sounds of him, so it is up to you. It's just a case of whether you have the courage to do it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 August 2008):
 1st-protect your baby...and yourself. No unprotected sex as your husband is not being exclusive to you. If he doesn't like that arrangement, no sex. Period. You owe it to yourself and your baby to protect both of you. You are going to be a mother and you need to insure you can fulfill your parental responsibilities.
2nd-if this is not the kind of marriage you want, you need to communicate this to your husband and try to resolve this so that both of you are happy in your marriage. Having an open marriage only works when it works for all. I would be concerned if I were you because it doesn't seem as if your husband is going to be willing to change for you, with or without a child coming.
3rd-both of you are now going to be parents. Along with this responsibility comes maturity. Eventually this relationship (all of them) will spill over to your child's life and that will be a pretty tough environment for a child.
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A
female
reader, junebug +, writes (13 August 2008):
u need to tell him and yea ur scared but u need to do whats best for the baby.does he want ur child to have an std? If he doesnt listen to u or just stop doing what he is doing then u need to just leave.move with a good friend or with ur parnets.someone other then him.thats wrong and he needs to relize that.im sorry that idk much but i do really wish u the best of luck with this and ur pregence.i hope the baby will be fine.good luck again!xoxoxojunebugxoxoxo
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