A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I bought a house together 4 months ago. Things were going really well for us when we decided to do it. We are both in our early 30's and we have both been married and are now divorced. The problem started when his older sister moved in with us day 1 when we bought the house. She has been a constant irritant and it not a healthy person to be around. I have done too much complaining and my boyfriend is tired of it. Understandably. I have learned, however, that is doesn't have the backbone to stand up to the sister and tell her to leave. She is unemployed, lazy, and is taking advantage of us to the fullest extent. But, she's his sister. I've tried to be sensitive to that, but it has wrecked our relationship. The problem now is that she plans to leave by the end of the month, yea! But, there is so much damage done to our relationship I'm not sure we can fix it. We have both seen traits in the other person that we don't care for. I would appreciate any insight and any thoughts about how long I give the relationship to repair itself before I start to unravel it. In my heart, I'm already half gone. I do love him, but he is not the man I thought he was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): What type of damage was done? What traits do you speak of? Respect issues? Was your bf torn between you and his sister? Was he trying to constantly be a buffer between you two gals-to keep peace in this home? Or did he react to you in bad way whenever you voiced your objection to her behavior? It sure sounds like a lot of respect for each other was lost here. The sister is going. Do you want to remain in this relationship with this man? Do you love him? If you think you can rebuild what was lost, then can you both forgive and let go of this adversity. This will be a test to your love for each other. Many a couple have come through thses challenges, only to realize just how much they still care for each other. Your life will only be different if you can change your perspective and learn to be forgiving. It's a choice...one that only you can make. Yes-your bf's sister was wrong to do what she did, but how long do you want this negativity to carry on? So I recommend -you both let this go. When you both hang onto 'grudges and anger', you both are shortchanging yourself from experiencing a potentially, meaningful love relationship. Put your energies into building a positive relationship with him again...this will mean you are being responsible for making your own life better and happier. It's a two way street when we are dealing with each other. So, try to get on the same street and walk in respect for ourselves and each other. Good communication is the key, here. Honest, open, calm rational thought and talking, is required. So yes, this can be saved with hard work. If you can't do this, then it's best for you and him to reassess this relationship and think about parting ways. Whatever you decide...do what makes you both the happiest.
Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Love is not always peaches an cream with rose picnics. Everyone has sides to their partner they dont care for. Its whether or not you can still love your partner dispite the flaws.
If in your heart you are already half gone this is a tell tale sign you aren't really inlove with this man. There are things my husband has done that have just sickend me to the core (he didn't cheat it was just things I would call character flaws) and to be honest would never want to see done ever again. But despite what has happened I love him no matter what and could never leave him for anything less than who he is. I either accept or not. If i hadn't i wouldn't have married him.
Can you still be inlove with this man and accept his flaws? If you can't then you have no business wasting his time and your own. His sister may have put a strain on the relationship but she is not the one who has damaged it so you need to stop pointing fingers at her because you feel your relationship is faling. You have the power to fix it if you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Hi
Actually your boyfriend should be more concerned ( family or not ) about YOUR feelings the way it affected you. The sister is at fault for taking advantage and outstaying her welcome. You have every right to feel upset and when you live with your partner it does not automatically mean the rest of his family move in. A set amount of time is quite fair giving long enough for her to get a job or claim housing benefit for her own place. Do not feel guilty stick to your principles or both will make you feel bad.
The fact that she moved in with you on day 1 of your new venture as a couple is outragous ( unless extreme circumstances). it's about time she moved out and that is when your relationship starts to repair, your man will prob feel his own guilt and shouldnot feel it either. Ask him if one of your family members can move in the day she moves out! and see what he thinks with the boot on the other foot? The sister needs to get off her ass and sort her own life out and not encroach on yours.
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A
female
reader, Mzbabybat +, writes (13 August 2008):
 you are your husbands wife, you should be top priorty and if the sister is causing problems. its time for you both to do something about it. you both need to sit down with the sister and give her some rules or tell her she needs to find a new place asap. you two need to work on repairing your relationship, asap. you both need to sit down and talk to each other about what you want fixed. give yourselves a day to think about it and write it down. then come back and talk about it.
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