A
female
age
36-40,
*indaN
writes:I'm 20 years old and a couple of days ago I found out I was pregnant. I told my bf of 3 years and he was ok at first and then this morning he said he wants nothing to do with the baby or me and I haven't told my family yet cause I'm scared of what they would say or do. I'm staying with my dad and bf at the moment and working and willing to bring this baby up on my own but it's hard cause i never thought that he would be a person to just turn away from his responsiblity--he wants me to get rid of the baby but I will not do something like that. Any advice would really be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, esb194358  +, writes (3 August 2009):
I am also pregnant and I am 22 years old, I ahve one child already and my ex-fiance (as of a day ago) has two kids and is 9 years older than me. We were togeather for two years (off and on) and we were going to get married. We never got into fights and were happy togeather well I told my boyfriend 4 weeks ago that i was pregnant and he was happy because we were talking about having a kid togeather in the future, but in the afternoon he tells me we are through out of the blue and that i can get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption because he wants nothing to do with it. Well i am keeping the baby and no matter what I will not give up my child for anything. I am upset about it all but he told me that he is going as far as getting me evicted from the house we share tommorow. So i see it as no matter go with what is best for your child and what you feel is best. I told my parents and they are ok with it all, but still upset.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Don't because you will fill really bad because i did . That is what I think of everyday
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): Keep your baby and get rid of his ass!!
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female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 keep the baby and kick your bf!!! he's afraid of the responsibility! Im very impressed with you decision to keep the baby, i believe that with the kind of optimistic mind you have, you could always find a solution to raise the baby perfectly well,. the best thing you should do now is to tell your family about your situation, their first reaction may be quite tough but always remember that no matter how hard the circumstances may be, they will always stand by your side for support, eventually everything will be fine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): I am in the same situation as you, however I am 22 years old and about to start my junior year in college. My b/f is younger than me and is about to start his sophomore year in college, so naturally he wants me to get an abortion I am totally against aborting my own child but I feel if one wants to abort their child then that is their choice. I suggest that you just take some time to think long and hard and alone without the opinions of friends and your boyfriend first. I understand your pain of the situation as well as your fear of raising the baby alone, but in the end you are the one that is going to be there with that child until it reaches adulthood and beyond whether he stays or not, so you need to read as much as you can, learn as much as you can and then decide whether or not you feel you can handle it on your own, because the only person you can count on right now is you! I'm scared as well especially of telling my mom because I am her only child and the first in my family to even go to college, but I really don't want to have an abortion. I'm not telling you to become dependent on welfare, but until you can get on your feet comfortably there is assistance out there for single mothers, I would advise anyone not to abuse these assistance programs. Make your own decisions!And to RYTHMANDBLUES2, maybe you should do a little reading and research before attempting to give advice...at 5 weeks and beyond the baby is not a "bunch of cells" it has developed a head, neck, spine, and thorax as well as a thumping heartbeat! Please don't take RYTHMANDBLUES2's advice obviously she doesn't know what she is talking about!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hi. I don't agree with the response from 'rhythm&blues'. Clearly this person does not have any children, thus the ability to view ones unborn child as 'just a cluster of cells' is easy. I am a mother of 4 children and am in a similar situation - albeit I am older (36). My partner of 2 years is 22 years older than I am and, after having a baby together 8 months ago, I now find myself pregnant again. I have been taking the mini-pill - which obviously did not work! It is not fair to judge a woman for being irresponsible with contraception because if the father of the baby is so adimant about not having any children, then it is also his responsibility to ensure that he uses contraception. My partner wants me to have a termination and has given me an ultimatum; either terminate or the relationship is over! I've decided I won't be subject to emotional blackmail so I am going ahead with the pregnancy. I also was pregnant at 20 years old with my first son and the father left me because he 'couldn't handle it'. Even though it was a bit daunting, I managed. I had a job and paid for childcare. I also went back to college when I was 26 and did a degree in Genetics. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it and don't give up. Hope everything works out for you and don't let anyone tell you what to do. Things happen for a reason and it's how you deal with these hurdles that matters. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): I am currently in exactly the same position. 20 years old, pregnant and my bf of 3 yrs had a killer reaction... drop dead. I understand exactly how you feel, but it sounds to me as if you are in a position to support your child alone. So you should do what's right for you forgetting him.I cannot raise my baby alone, I am disabled and so without his support there is no way I can have this baby. Good luck, your family will be supportive of you, after all you can be there for your child and im certain you will be a great mum.best of luck Kirsty
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female
reader, Choongalicious  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Okay firstly you seem like you want this baby. The best thing to do is tell your family and you may be suprised at their reaction. Your 20 years old and you are old enough to make your own decisions, so if your boyfriend decides that he does not want anything more to do with you or the baby then he is just being a coward. He has to remember that it takes two to tango. Hopefully your family and loved ones will support you and remember that it is your baby and it is your body do not let anybody force you into making a decision that you do not want too. I wish you all the best x x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): I so disagree with the anonymous person who stated that you will have difficulty studying or holding down a career. What complete nonsense!
I had my first baby when I was 23 and the Father soon left me because he didn't want the responsiblity. I lived with my parents and they were great but I appreciate that not all parents can be so understanding tho I would suspect this it totally not the norm.
But the fact is I was working when he was born and when he was 18 months old I went back to college full time. Most colleges provide childcare and you may well find this is free. So saying you can't study is rubbish.
I went back to work after college and when my son was 7 we moved into a flat together. I'm not saying its easy but your life is what you make it and I'm still here to tell the tale.
In fact in 2004 I had a second child with my partner of five years and he effectively abandoned me. I can remember coming home with this small, pink bundle in my arms wondering how I was going to cope but I did. You will find a way to cope if you decide to keep this baby.
I have worked ever since. Here in the UK my wage is supplemented by various benefits which makes life easier but it can still be a struggle sometimes, but you just deal with it! You can have a career, there are Nurseries that will take babies as young as 3 months as well as child minders and what about your family?
I hope you make the right decision for you and not for anybody else. You have to live with yourself and the decisions you make. No one will tell you its easy, even settled couples, but you will find the strength to do what you need to do for yourself.
Good luck. xxx
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female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 No one but you abouslutly no one other then you can tell you what to do with your own fertilatie, so if you don't want to give up the baby don't give up the baby hun=) and this guy doesn't sound worth it let him go if he can't be man enough for his own responsbilitys then thats his problem
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): I think you are right to keep the baby, because you want to. It is not that I am being moralistic about it either. I have seen first hand how it is for women later when they see their first baby born and wonder about the one they did not have, what it would have looked like and everything. It can be completely heartbreaking.
The fact that this pregnancy has started means that your life has changed forever anyway, it can't be swept under the carpet, so all you can do is handle it the best you can. Your boyfriend may not be ready, there is nothing you can do about that either, he may come around in time. Everyone makes mistakes, but you will really love your baby. What is so terrible about that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): The facts are that you are only 20, and you have not taken enough precautions to avoid an unwanted pregnancy and now you are facing the consequences of that....dating a boy for 3 years does not mean that he wants to be a father or is ready for marriage...he has made it clear what he would prefer you do, and if you decide to terminate your pregnancy, then he should be the one to help you pay for that and to support you through it, you should not have to go through that alone.
I don't know what your decision is based on to keep the child if it is religous based, and you think it is wrong, then that is your decision, I on the other hand do not believe a bunch of cells in the first trimester is wrong to terminate a pregnancy that will change your life forever, and if a bleak future awaits your unborn child....but I am not about to convince you to view your situation through my eyes.
I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions about what you want your life to be like, and what you can honestly provide for this child. Adoption is always a good option....there are many loving couples who want a child and are unable to conceive, and it is hard to adopt an infant, it would bring much joy to someone's life, and your child would have a better, more stable life than living with a child of 20....it is a hard decision but one that is never wrong in anyone's eyes.
Your boyfriend is out of the picture, I would not try to persuade him otherwise, he is not worth it I am afraid to say....if you had a unhidden agenda of getting pregnant to try to force a committment out of a three year relationship then you have learned a hard lesson about trying to control someone else and I hope you take that to heart because now you have a big mess on your hands.
I hope things work out for the best for you, though.
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female
reader, xsweetiex +, writes (20 June 2007):
you sound like a strong woman u can do this with or with out his help many people do just be strong and tell your family! xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): This is a decision for you to make - no one can tell you that you should get rid of the baby, or that you should keep it. Ultimately, the choice if yours and it is not a choice that someone else should make for you.
That being said - there are things to consider. If the father of the child wants nothing to do with you and the baby, that will make things difficult. There is nothing easy about being a single parent. That being said, all parents say that the love they have for their child makes everything worth it. If you want to keep the baby, then be realistic about the long term consequences. As a young woman, you will not be able to undertake study or develop your career - or at the very least having a child will make it harder.
To me it sounds like your boyfriend has 'freaked out' about the situation. I think that if friends and family know, it will be easier. If no one knows, then you will have no support, which makes it easy for your boyfriend to shun his responsibilities and coerce you into having an abortion. It is NOT his place to do so and you should be pretty forthright about that. He has NO RIGHT to tell you what you should or should not do with your body.
My advice is to consult your parents, and perhaps a close friend who you can trust. Support is everything.
Good luck!
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female
reader, Artemesian  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear of your predicament - it's understandable your boyfriend doesn't want to have a child (presuming he is of a similar age to you, you can't blame him for wanting to end the issue) however he should be more supportive of you - it may be hard but trying to discuss things over with him and how you feel about the child would be a good idea if you haven't already. And of course you have the right to want whatever you find is best in both your heart and your reason - if you are scared to go to your parents for help and advice try a family planning clinic or a female doctor, they can give you advice on what options you have and all sorts of support and information you need. You will be able to talk everything over with them - like plans for supporting your child and yourself if you decide to keep the baby. I hope you find the advice and support you need soon : )
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female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (20 June 2007):
 You seem to have made you mind up to keep the child, so start thinking about coping with the child on your own. The father may come round, but then again he may not. Telling your family would be a good first step as you may find they are very supportive. My lot are a little too over supportive at times.
xxxxxxxx
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female
reader, donnab +, writes (20 June 2007):
hi
Has your b/f given you any reasons why he is saying these things? Maybe he just has cold feet and needs time to ajust to the situation. Alot of men feel like this as do women. Sit down and talk to him about how he feels and tell him how you feel and what you want. He may be scared and dosent really know how to react. What id say is find out about his true feelings before telling anyone so he dosent feel overwhelmed then if his opinion still hasnt changed you need to do what you feel right for you. Noone can force you to do anything, its your decision. And im sure no matter what you decide your family will stand by your decision.
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