A
female
age
41-50,
*hung
writes:Im having to face being a single mum and only in the last week or so I have been feeling loss of love towards my baby. I know it could be hormonal but i dont like feeling this way. Especially when I felt nothing but excitement towards my baby from the time i found out. I know the father is not going to be around and im feeling sad for her already and knowing that im going to be reminded of him every time i look at her, im just hoping i will be able to cope with it all. I have two children from a previous relationship and their dad is involved but my babys wont be. im trying to stay positive but its hard. I know she is a gift and Im happy I kept her. Im just having mixed emotions atm. im going to look into counselling next week. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Chung +, writes (29 April 2013):
Chung is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsome additional info about the father.He is someone who can't commit to one girl. He is not married but likes to get around with different girls. I found out and confronted him about a girl he was seeing at the same time as me and he then told me he didn't want me but wanted the baby. my decision to keep baby was mine and I'm aware of what I was getting myself into and now have a conflict within myself about what i've done. I feel like a real idiot but on the other hand I didn't want to abort. He came into my life at a vunerable time for me as i had been 8 mnonths single after breaking up with my ex after 12 years together and he was paying me attention which i was craving. we just partied and had fun so it knew in the back of my mind things weren't going to work out. it wasn't an ideal situation to build a relationship on. So saying all of that it still hurts that i haven't heard from him at all not even to see how baby's going. Oh well I just want to get him out of my mind.
A
female
reader, Chung +, writes (29 April 2013):
Chung is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone’s feedback and advice has been helpful. And Janniepeg you bought a smile to my face. How could I forget the advantages of being single lol. But seriously I know I face a battle ahead of me with my daughter. My ex-partner has a new partner at this time and I’m not sure if he would be willing to help me as we had a messy and nasty break up. But hey who knows what the future holds. I still hold some resentment towards my ex which I’m trying to move on from so I can concentrate on helping myself move forward. So I’m not sure if I could or want to even ask him for help as he is a narcissistic person and would probably tell me that it’s none of his concern and I bought it all on myself. So for now that’s not an option but maybe in the future once he sees how our children are with their little sister. So that gives me some hope. Just to provide some additional info about the father. Well basically he is a loser. I have known him from before and met up in October last year and starting casually seeing each other. I was vulnerable at the time from my 12 year break up in Feb 2012. So anyway he was paying me attention that I was craving for at the time and a lot of partying took place so I got caught up I’m the moment of it all and do did he I think because he was happy when he knew I was pregnant telling all his family and everything. But then it was like one day he decided he had had enough of me, he couldn’t use me up for anything else so then told me he didn’t want me but wants the baby. This was after I confronted him about bringing with another girl at the same time as me. I was shocked but not really as I think I knew it wasn’t going to last. He has two other children who he has nothing to do with. So I’m realistic about him not stepping up and I’m upset with myself on top but just feel sad for my girl. But I think I’ll be ok at the end of the day. And about my finances. Well I’m not working at the moment but will be. And I get maintenance off my ex so I’m ok.
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A
female
reader, lilmishap  +, writes (28 April 2013):
i think you know this should be a temporary bad time. You have been a single parent already. It wont get easier now you have another child but you CAN cope. it sounds like your struggling to adjust to another change inyour already hectic life. Thats normal. Would the father of your first two be any support? Does he know how your feeling? You dont need to rekindle a 'romantic relationship' to feel you have his support, as his two live with you, its in his interests for you to be at your best. He may be able to offer a kind word or few and some reassurance...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Have you and the babies father just recently decide or maybe just he has dfcided he want nothing to do with the child? If so is it any wonder you are scared. Not just to the fact that she will remind you of him every day. Also you will see how this will affect her when she gets old enough to notice your other two children have a Daddy who visits them when hers doesnt. You are a mother and your primal instinct is to protect and maybe because of the circumstances you feel you just havent got enough fight left in you, but believe me you will. The babies father still has a responsibility to provide for his child even if he doesnt want to be in her life. Make sure you get the correct legal advice because its your childs right to receive what she should from her father.
Go to the councellor and get all you feel off your chest and you will probably feel better for it.
All the best. Remember you are strong and that you can do it and as soon as she is born your heart will feel fit to burst with love.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 It's hard being a single mum of three so I will try to tell you advantages of being a single mum. Yes there is. You won't have a man bugging you for sex. A dildo lasts forever. You get higher amount of benefits and pay lower for child care. Children get all of your attention. You get an extra hour of sleep because there is no one snoring besides you. You don't get the pressure of having to look nice and sexy for a man. No fights, tears and arguments. You have no one to answer to, no need to worry where your man went at night. You don't have to deal with in laws that you may not like. You get to pick what channel to watch and which cuisine you want to try. You get to set an example and dispel the myth that single mums are needy and lonely. You can be encouraging to other single mums and give them a "you go girl" attitude.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Unfortunately your feelings are legitimate, realistic and appropriate, and you are to be commended for expressing them. Fortunately as a mature woman and experienced mother you are far better prepared to cope with the challenges facing you than the typical pregnant single teen.
Many women in your situation dismiss the importance of the male's role in parenting, but the truth is your daughter will grow up at a disadvantage without an active, involved father in her life.
Hopefully your older children's father will not exclude his kids' little sister and be able to serve as the strong male role model every child should have.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 April 2013):
This is a very difficult time for you and quiet soul searching.But well done you with your lovely daughter she is indeed a precious gift.I hae no doubt that you will be able to cope just as you managed with your other children.You answered your own question in your last statement by saying you were going to see a counsellor-this is of the most important action to take to smooth out and talk about your situation.Please try and do it sooner then later it will be of great help to you. Wishing you and your family kind wishes for the future Nora B.
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A
male
reader, justsomeoldman  +, writes (28 April 2013):
Okay.
How are your finances? Are you able to live okay, you and your children. This is important.
Who is the father?, is he married? Can you provide some additional detail as to how you and he decided (or maybe it just happened,) to have this child. Not trying to pry but to answer your questions, please provide more info.
Assuming he's single, is marriage possible? And do you want to be tied to this guy?, because so far, it doesn't look like he's very responsible...
I'm pretty sure a lot of people would like to help but to do so we need more/better info.
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