A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Keeping it brief. Was in a 10-yr LTR that was sexless for last 5 years. My girlfriend always had a low sex drive, I loved her, decided I could cope but it eventually totalled petered out. After 5 years I couldn't cope without intimacy any more, she didn't want us to split. Rarely meet single women in real life, so tried online dating for ages. Only met 2 women, one resulted in a brief "fling". But living in a relatively rural area and not wanting kids, found few suitable matches online.Now been three years since my brief fling, so basically had almost no sex or even kissing for eight years. It's driving me mad. I've tried looking for "intimate encounters" on Plentyoffish - I'd rather date properly but as that's not happening - but again, few responses (sadly from very large women, which doesn't attract me). I'm not George Clooney but neither am I hideously ugly.I've considered hiring an escort, which doesn't make me feel terribly good about myself but I am desperate for some human company beyond friendship, as my self-esteem is rock bottom as well as feeling completely sexless.I'd like advice please as to how to either shake myself out of this rut or whether I should just say "sod it" and hire an escort, just this once.
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escort, kissing, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Maybe you need to redo your profile? Or look for girls further afield - travelling a bit won't hurt if she's worth it! If its been 8 years I would be putting in some serious effort. Message more girls, maybe singles holidays? I'm sure you will meet the right one eventually.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): OP here - thanks guys for replying. I belong to lots of social groups, classes and have a wide variety of friends but there's just no single women in their 30s around. All coupled.
I don't JUST want sex. I'd much rather have a decent proper relationship. I'd just really love some female company other than just as friends. All my female friends are coupled and don't have any single friends either.
What I wouldn't do just a good old snog!
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 April 2013):
I'll give you an alternative: save up a couple thousand pounds and fly to Thailand for a month. It'll give you the boost you need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): First of all, take yourself off "intimate encounters" on POF - you won't find a proper or long standing relationship that way. Revamp your profile and say that you are looking for dating and/or a relationship - women really are more attracted to a man who shows that he s committed to a relationship and isn't just looking for sex.
Join a ceroc dancing class - you can find these in most towns in the UK, including small towns in rural areas. Many male and female singles go along to dance, make new friends and to meet partners. It doesn't matter if you have two left feet as there are teachers there and lots of other people who aren't Fred and Ginger, You will also find a whole new circle of friends there.
Find about about Clck Singles in your area - they have meet up evenings at bars, dinner & dances, and many other activities designed to help singles get together in a relaxed and informal way.
Join groups and do activities that interest you - you'll be amazed at how many women are member of walking groups, art classes, basic plumbing classes etc etc.
Basically, keep on with the online dating, but also get yourself out there and meet new women and new people and make new friends.
I wish you all the very best of luck and hope you find that special someone very soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I have been single for 3 and a half years, and I could of had sex with men in your age group with similar situations but I wanted more than just sex.We women are not sex machines and a man who is just interested in women as sex objects is just a total turn off.
Establish a friendship with a woman before trying it on too soon. A woman who has self respect wont stick around for a man who wants to jump their bones on the first date.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Hi
Well living in a rural area won't help, why not do a city break, you never know!
Are there any functions locally you can go to or join a darts team or whatever to get you out mingling.You don't say what you do with your spare time so it's hard to advise,but whatever it is your not meeting women. Revamp your spare time, your wardrobe,your appearance.
If your online looking for intimate encounters you have plenty of competition, from married men to newly single, so really your better going for long term relationships.Most women avoid any man who sounds desperate or is looking for purely sex.
Redo your profile, put up some good photos of the new you and try again - there are enough women looking for a decent man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Go to places where girls attend : exercise classes are a great one, or dancing classes, or join some kind of group where you can meet other like minded people.
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