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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay... so I'm ONLY into older men... it really sucks for me. anytime i like a guy there is always a problem regarding his age, but the sad thing is that i cannot help it. i really try to like guys my age, but it doesn't work out. it really hurts me. i haven't been in a relationship for the longest because of this problem. also what sucks for me is that i am a minor... well 17. that is not far away from being legal, but still my life sucks. since i was young i had to deal with this problem. i don't know how to help myself. any male i am attracted to or i have a crush on backfires on me because of my age ... what should i do?p.s - the guys i usually fall for are around the ages of 25-40
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male
reader, FitzGrisly  +, writes (4 June 2012):
Those who claim an interest in "older" men just five to fifteen years their senior should simply embrace the "daddy" issue and move on unless the elder is so juvenile as to find your experience somehow compatible with his/hers. Unless the age disparity is a full generation, i.e. 20 years or better, chalk it up to confusion or simple physical attraction. When beyond that 20 year threshold, you may have a valid, anomalous, love affair. There is nothing extraordinary about this, so enjoy the fruit of your unique pursuits. Learn what you might, nurture the intimacy, and prepare for the (comparitively) premature demise of your beloved. Ignore the stigma... average humans are beneath your consideration.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I am 18 years old and I have been attracted to older guys for a long time. It really started when I was 16, I was working for a student organization and really hit it off with an advisor, and he was 27 at the time. I fell in love with him and we spent a lot of time together. Eventually my parents and the administration of this group found out, and he was fired, and our "case" was investigated by social workers, witch just emotionally devastated me in ways I cannot even quantify or express. I was not allowed to speak with him at all, and my computer and phone were monitered because my parents thought he was a sociopath trying to manipulate me. He lived in NYC and I in NJ. Well, when I turned 18, I started seeing him again, going to NYC. But in those 2 years I was seeing a 24 year old.
Backtrack, I've always been considered "mature for my age" and "precocious." I also went through puberty at a very young age, I was 11 when i got my first period. Older men always seem to be astounded by my level of maturity and thoughtfulness, and I love for this side of me to be nurtured, as boys my age seem to be intimidated or frightened of it.
I broke up with the boyfriend, but the last man I was with was 49. I know this is wrong because he has a wife and children, but my experience with him is just amazing. He is so thoughtful, caring, and just completely fascinating. I find his stories and knowledge so engaging and intellectually stimulating. And 18 year old boys cannot offer me this. But it is just so painful to know I can never have him the way I want to...I want so badly to find this attraction in boys my own age, and to not feel guilty or dirty for being with men so much older. WHAT CAN I DO?
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reader, EtTuBrute  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I'm a 19 year old female and dating a 37 year old man. We've been I've been attracted to older men all of my life. I've had somewhat of a father figure in my life but I've never had issues with missing/needing one. My attraction was based on a combination of things. Yes, it was physical but I also loved the mental maturity. I loved being able to talk about things seriously with others instead of people my age who don't seem to have an interest in knowledge. Not to mention I'm a nympho. I felt as if I were 20 when I was only 13. When I turned 18, I felt an immense amount of freedom. I could finally who I am. In high school, my peers looked down upon this and labeled me as "weird." Or I was simply called a slut. (Though on what basis I'll never know or understand.) If you have a trusted friend, talk to them about it but otherwise I'd keep it to myself until it's legal. If you really care about whomever you're crushing on and they care about you, they'll wait. You could get them into major trouble with the law.With previous boyfriends, I was taken advantage of. I was emotionally immature and they all seemed to just care about sex. I know now that I'm worth more than that. While I see nothing wrong with one night stands or purely sexual relationships, I want more than that.My boyfriend and I met in college and we've been together for almost a year now. (It'll be a year in about two weeks.) We're actually planning to move in together in a few months.A very big sign that he really wants the relationship to work is that he's willing to meet your parents and family. Before him, my older boyfriends would avoid my parents at all costs. They weren't willing to endure that conflict for me. My current boyfriend stood up for me and made sure my mom knew he wasn't going anywhere.We both live paycheck to paycheck. Times do get rough but we make it through. I'm not a gold digger and do take offense to anyone who suggests so. I don't have high opinions of women who only want men for money. That's not a real relationship at all. I know some women like to be "secure," but that's not all there is to life.He does teach me a lot about the ways of life from important things about credit history and car payments. He's never condescending though. Always look for someone who respects you and treats you as their equal.I don't want kids and neither does he so we're a nice fit. I love that fact that even if we had an "accident," he would never leave me or his child.If he pressures you sexually, he's so not worth your time. Find someone who appreciates your values and will let you go as slow as you want to. If you wait, you could weed out a lot of the bad seeds.Sorry for such a long response. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what the age difference, you're still in a relationship. It's about how you two feel and no one else. Remember to be honest with yourself and keep in mind why you like who you do. It's okay to have purely physical relationships but when you're ready for a real relationship, make sure both sides want something more.As long as it's legal, there is nothing wrong with it. Age is just a number and you can't help who you are attracted to.There will always be people who don't agree with you but those people don't matter. :) If your family truly loves you, they will want you to be happy. My nana is over seventy years old but she learned to accept it because she sees how good he is to me. If someone as set in her ways as her can change, I'm sure others can too.P.S. ~ Female reader, anonymous, on May 1 2008... Your little rant made me laugh. Not everyone fits into your stereotypes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): i thought i put my two cents and my story too. Like some of you, i too had a "strange" attractions to older people ( mainly older men). I noticed it in my early teen years. I think maybe around 13 or 14... It first started with just me enjoying being around older people. When i was that young i had a strong passion for science and i found myself trying to impress older people with my knowledge...I think this is where it started for me... As time went on, i think those desires morphed into sexual ones. I noticed that i was only attracted to people who were many times my age. I found it hard to date during my teenage years becuase of this. the great girls and a few guys i liked in highschool weren't of any interest to me. I did date but i was more of "close friends" kind of situation. It didn't go further than that. I dont think i have any issues with lacking a father figure..although my father existed in my homelife, he worked hard to provide for us. So this meant i wouldn't see him but a few hours a day. when i turned 15 thats when i found out about porn and started to talk to people on the internet.This is also when i found out i had strong and intense desires for older burly masculine men in the 30's and up. sometimes i think i desired them so much becuase i wanted to be them. Maybe i wanted to be a big strong man like they appeared to be. I felt that becuase of their looks they could attract any woman they wanted. In essences, i think I wanted to be wanted by others like i thought they were ( if that makes sense)at this time..i noticed too that older women were still appealing but grew less as time went on. I felt terrible about these feelings i had...I felt ashamed to be young. I felt like an outkast amongst my peers. I could never truly connect with them like i can with older folks.I also felt sad because I knew that these older individuals i liked would never give me a chance because i was 15/16 at the time and it was of no use to fantasize about something i'd never have. In highschool i grew attached to my teachers in ways many students would never. Especially my calculus teacher. I'd purposely stay after class or go to his room at lunch time to get extra help on assignments. these feelings became weapon that would be used against me when i met a guy in highschool. although he was only a few months older than me..he looked like he was 25. He was a larger, kind of fat hairy guy with a beard( growing in). He pretended to like me. he would do many harassing things to me in the class rooms while people were looking. Like he actually picked me up, wrestle me around a bit and feel on my chest. He would grab my hand and also try to kiss me in the public..Of course i'd push him away calling him names. He would also talk to me like i was shit and verbally assaulted me in class. One day i got tired of his BS i punched him in the face..hard ( that felt good actually) but anyway he acted as conduit of choas for me in my life. he would toss mix signals. One moment we'd hold hands( like in busy park in the city), the next, he would be a complete asshole. things continue to fall when i developed deep feelings for him in a way that wasn't healthy. I felt i'd do anything he asked me to do. Sometimes i looked forward to the abuse he would dish out to me..just to be near him.I longed for him to recongnize me as significant other i guess. then he got a girl friend. When we would hangout, he'd be obvious in his affections for her when i was around. one time he called me over just for me to see him smooch and grope on his gf..It hurt me alot. i hated him( especially whn i found out he was just joking with me the entire time which was about 2 or so years.) the worst part is i found out that this nice girl..a dear friend of mine developed feelings for me and i unintentionally ignored her..( i still feel terrible about it to this day) becuase i was too busy being crazy about a complete jackass.but anyway..sorry flew off on a tangent.On the internet, I found quite a bit of people on there to talk to and become friends with. I never met them in person( some live over seas) because that would to be dangerous..plus at the time, i lied about my age and passed as someone more mature than my age. If i'd meet them in person, i'm sure they would notice my youth. Most men i spoken to on the net would shy away from me anyway but a few spoke to me..when i turned 18 i put my thoughts into practice and did some really stupid things. Like meeting people off the internet...which i would advise others to be cautious about things like that...My first encounter was okay. I met a guy that was a 57 year old educator at a university. at the time and we went out for coffee and movie. We became good friends aswell. I meet up with him after work in the city. So i felt somewhat safe. but the next encounter wasn't great at all... The other guy i meet forced himself on me, when i wasn't interested. I kick myself because i allowed him to take me far away from my town to a hotel..( which was the dumbest and most dangerous thing i did to date) i felt uneasy and gave in after a while..he didn't seem to take no for an answer...and with regards to this i caution the topic starter. There are some men that are "animals" and will take advantage of any golden situation. at the time i was new to this whole thing( virgin) and i was easy target, i think.for some reason, i didn't let this stop me from continuing to meet older men. i would later meet 2 of my ex boyfriends...the first one i meet whom is 50 now was a really sweet guy. we broke up after dating for 3 months..the most recent ex i dated ( 35 yrs old now) for 2 years. I did another idiot thing when i first meet him...i rode across the country with him the day i meet him in person. he is a truck driver...i likely have said too much but anyway..I wrote this because i wanted to show you that your not alone and that you need to exercise caution with your feelings towards others that can take advantage of you. You may feel strongly for them but they may not feel the same toward you.I hope my long rant like story would be of use to you...as of today i'm 21 and have better control of myself and my life..
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reader, TabooMan71369 +, writes (22 March 2010):
hi im 25 and i happen to be on the other side of the problem i also happen to be Bi but not for boys but Man and not the type one has to father specially not for a possible life mate i am also into polygamy inpart of my bi and because i played house at around age 7 with all the girls in the neighborhood and some where around 12 years old they had little bras and where 4 to 5 heads taller than me and the longest hair styles in the group i would kiss almost all of them, i wonder if thats why i like younger girls youll be supprise what girls of that age learn from their parents they even wanted kids didnt went that far but it was clothing optional mostly cause it was very hot at near 100 degrees the younger ones with diapers where always getting called home i barely kissed them well thats what i knew till around age 8 know 25 single attracted to younger girls while that pales in comparison to my bigger problem which i will ask for the thoughs of anyone that is willing to listen beware its not for the light of heart and kind of intense
if a younger girl would tell me he had a more than friendship interest on me i would first be appreciate and say "it makes me very happy to hear that and glad you could shared it with me and that i would be honored to be your boyfriend, but before anything can start i would need to know how do you think your parents would react if they would go hunting me down or if we could have a understanding that you came to me to share your feelings with me and that my relationship with you would go at your pace and i would not push you to do anything your not ready for nor want you to change the way you act to be more grown up to match my other woman and if a calm private conversation could not be met with yours then i would have a meet arrange with them probably with cops as intermidiates or firefighters, a doctor or 2 within a hospital for any harm that could come from a spite. i would in no part keep it a secret from the parents and would gladly accept chapperoned dates at their place or mine. but thats not the biggest problem, i would not wish any harm to any kid and would rather leave the kid with her parents and take a breather before any harm could come to her because i have a authority and a anger issue but i am not your average man i do not take advantage of people or specially woman or force anyone im very scientific analytical friendly spiritual and relationship oriented if i where you i would talk to your parents and be very carefull because some guys will take advantage and dont keep it secret alot of trauma, trust issues, and family problems could arise psychology problems could have if you insist to proceed be very carefull i would not advice you to go ahead or to date others you dont like. be carefull there are alot of pervs that seem normal and hide their true intentions even my thoughts are not 80% innocent but i try to no end and wont quit to suppress my darker desires.
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reader, ixixtabix +, writes (15 January 2010):
I like have a major issue with being attracted with older men! It started out with guys just a few years older I was 17 and dated a 24 year old. We were in same class and just hit it off. after we broke up I started seeing a 30 year old guy I worked with I was 19. Now i'm fantasizing about my 54 year old neighbor who I see in passing at the gym. He's very well built and looks so young. I thought he was in his early forties. What do I do? I'm literally going crazy. I'm 22! Its nothing emotional just physical. In fact the only reason I stopped dating the 24 and 30 year olds was commitment. I don't have daddy issues at least I don't think I do. I had a good relationship with my dad and these guys are the exact opposite of him.
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reader, WVMMTH +, writes (18 November 2009):
wait til your 18 and then knock yourself out..have a ball..age is only a number.if 17 is considered adult where you live then knock yourself out sooner./just be careful and don't expect older men to become serious about you right off as many will be wanting to date you merely for sexual purposes.so as i said,be careful and choose wisely.i could easily tell you only date men your own age.i could easily suggest that any man not your age who dates you is a pervert..but that's sensless as neither assumption is neccesarily true.also,you're attracted to older men and why would anyone tell you to date who'm you're NOT attracted to,thusly not leaving you any options but to be dissatified with life/.just be careful,be choicey in who'm you decide to date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): after reading everyone's answers i feel so much better. it seems like 17 is the magic number here which is good because i happen to be 17 as well....i think i would have to agree with what an anonymous male said about not having a stable father figure...i basically grew up without a real dad so maybe that's the reason why i find myself attracted to older guys... i find them so interesting because i've never had a man in my life like that before....they seem so much easier to talk to and like many have said before they don't play childish games like most teenage boys...i like this guy at work who is 25 but its so hard to tell him for fear that he might reject me....i've always often wondered if older men are into younger women....i usually keep my attractions that i have to myself...no one understands at least none of my friends they often call me "gross" or "disgusting" idk....it's just so frustrating.
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reader, datnigganatewerd +, writes (16 July 2009):
i have the same issue ive known this since i was in 2nd grade thats why i didnt wanna come out of the closet because im not attracted to boys my age i love a hairy musclar man in the age of 35 to 55 thats what floats my boat and i just turned 18 two months ago and i also had the same problem but i lied about my age i dont know if this helps your problems but ur not the only one and its hard because other people dont understand what we are talking about
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): I cant help you but i can tell you your not alone and ive been searching for the same answers. I too have had this problem since i was about 13 and cant help it. i tried to view it as not being a problem but it really is. and i like the same age range ugh lol. well girl your not alone i guess will just have to be single till were 30 haha
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Hi! I'm 19 this year and I have a crush on a 19 year old girl...maybe not just a crush...i think she maybe the love of my life...it took all the courage I have to tell her how i feel...i told her but she turned me down...she later told me that she prefers older guys like about 10-15 years older than her...i asked her why that was and she said that older men are more serious in relationships compared to younger men..i can take the rejection but what i couldn't understand is why she chose an old guy over me. I'm a man too so i think i understand how he thinks. i think he's only after the sex. he flirts with her, buys here stuff, and treats her to meals.i just cant see what she sees in him. i mean i can do all that too...seeing what they do just makes me angry, probably just jealous. i just cant seem to trust the face of that man! when i think about him just wanting her for her body and then cheating and leaving her i could just kill him!. i guess it's just because i think she deserves better. I'm really not the type to give up so easily but i think that i just have to let her go and let her figure things out herself. and if it doesn't work out hope she realizes that I'm still here waiting for her to love me back. Even though i love her..i really hope it works out for her. cause I really just can't see her cry.
hey you! if your reading this don't make her cry! because if you do I'll be hunting you down!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Actually you are somewhere afraid to mix up with guys of ur age because lesser the age difference in the relationship greater is the competition of proving who is DOMINANT in the relationship i.e. (guy or girl) as both of you are somewhat equally mature.To balance such a relationship you must be having some strong points inside you with which can gain importance in the relationship & then let your partner take the lead when you think he is more worthy.This will definitely develop into a strong emotional bond gradually & give you time to KNOW each others likes & dislikes
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): well i was in the same situation as you, since i was 15 i was attracted to older man. I think its normal i think you want to feel small and sexy to youre man. Usually older man will treat you likea princess and take care of you if thier own life is secure. They will get you what ever you want and ofcourse they are wiser the older they are. i think you are attracted to that to. I am 20 right now and my boyfriend is 40, i love how much attention he gives and calls me his little girl. So i think its normal but be aware my suggestion dont go over 42ok. best of luck to you...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I've seen a lot of questions relating to young woman falling for older men. I've been there and through much soul searching and heart-ache, I want to share something with you; dating older men when you are young and sexually attractive is easy. Its a no-brainer -- except of course when you're in this pattern of behavior.Many older men and some women (although I think culturally, the pendulum swings to favor men in this instance -- I'll get to that), will find that younger people may find them attractive. They put out feelers, engage in flirtation and just one time or another they get a hit -- BINGO!Why would an older person flirt with or make intimations with a younger person? If that individual is someone who craves undying adoration without committment, unquestioning faith in their "wisdom" and sage advice and most importantly, the ability to control the relationship from beginning to end, why not? And to boot, they get a pretty fine package of an age group where male or female, physically speaking, the human body is at its peak of attractiveness ( in our culture ) and sexual prowess.What could be better? Complete control, no committments, ability to manipulate to suit your needs and great sex!Now, what do you get? Why do you keep looking for older men? Well, for one thing, they are trying harder to get YOU. They have to put out a lot of feelers to get some game and probably don't have a lot coming back to them. Afterall, they aren't exactly prime stock anymore and aren't carousing with the boys (lets hope) looking to "pick-up". They are out of the dating game, they've probably married or are married (which is a whole 'nother ball a wax) and have kids, responsibilities, a boring job, debts, pain, sadness, regrets, crow's feet, sagging pectorals, possibly a little ED and some bad habits that they'd rather a potential mate overlook.What better than a doe-eyed junior to the scene of the grown-up world, or even better yet, a near-kid of the late teenage years? To an average woman their age their experiences are mundane, to an average woman possibly there exist cracks in the picture, fissures in the veneer that the more wizened experienced and discriminating woman can pick out. But a young woman? Probably not and if they showed, a little explanation and embellishment will go a long way.Then there's the sex, isn't it great? They do everything can they to please don't they? And the money. Even if he's not well off he came appear that way to you, being that you haven't the knowledge of years of adult living to tick down the assets, the cost of living, the possible wages, retirement, child support. Although they know whether this guy is loaded -- or just full of it, a younger woman probably wouldn't. So he can play his game of gifting, lavish nights out. Nothing is too rich to put on the ritz and play the Big Man for his new little girl.And that's what you are to him, whether you're 15, 25 or 35, if he's got a significant seniority on you, then that's the ticket he's playing and he's playing it for all its worth, I assure you. It feels wonderful doesn't it? To be cherished and adored, to be pampered like he does. I mean he tries so hard...The only problem is, you are missing out on living out your life and your destiny. You are wasting some of your important growing years on this guy who probably isn't going to do any growing or changing.Worse part is that as you mature, if you find one you like and decide to keep hanging around him, you will eventually grow. No matter how much he may try to prevent it, life will get in your way and demand in ways you won't expect, to take responsibility, to change and adapt. He may help you through hard times, but I guarantee you he'll be working hard to keep you 'little girl'; to put you right back into your naive little girl place where everything he said was gilded with the wisdom of age and nothing he could say could be wrong.Woody Allen made a movie in the late seventies, "Manhatten". In it a older man (played by Allen) becomes infatuated with a younger girl. She wants to continue the relationship to the next step of seriousness, throughout the movie, he doesn't, he wants her to move on and grow, to enjoy the parts of her life she has yet to discover. She wants to stay. In the end, she decides to stay and all is well. But turns out Woody was just a man who was seeing his adopted daughter, twenty or thirty years his junior, so we can re-intrepret this movie. It really is about a man who tries hard to stick to his principles, but really is a hypocrite, who in the end, gives in to his own selfish desires and does what he knows he shouldn't; allows the young girl to stay with him and advances the relationship. She chucks her future for him.Frankly, how selfish is this? And the next biggest question, is what else do you get out of chasing and wanting older men?Unconditional love (he will most likely work harder for you than most men your own age would) and protection; a place for you to hide.Examine why exactly you are turning off to men your own age. Do you have anxiety about dating? Are you fearful that you will not measure up to them? Does the prospect of competing with other young women like yourself seem frightening?To a younger, attractive woman dating can seem dangerous and intimidating. The degree of fearfulness or anxiety you have toward dating and having an egalitarian relationship may spring from your past experiences with your male peers.You are not happy with yourself and your concern about marrrying an older man isn't so bad (you can't marry anyone without your consent you know) as much as the possibility that you will spend a good portion of an important stage of your personal growth with someone who will contribute very little that and who most likely has everything to gain by preventing your growth.So, in a nutshell, why do younger women like older men?1. They are emotionally safe (less demanding of you meeting their needs).2. They are easily available -- they will aggressively pursue you, thus allowing you to become a passive participant and saving you from the demanding rigors of facing rejection through the dating process.3. They need you and thus will work harder to get you. You like this, at first you think it puts you in the driver's seat; this is a ploy.4. They offer security, whether financially, emotionally or both. You can play little girl and he can play the big man in control. Not so much father image as someone who will take the bulls by the horn in the relationship and not that this is bad; at least not at first.5. They are more self assured and seem more confident, thus are more stable as well. This is seductive to someone who deep down inside doesn't feel confident on their own. They offer sustenance, whether with funds or emotionally, that you probably think you can't find anywhere else; you idealize them as wiser and thus as a helper to you.There, there's more but that's a summary of the most important points. I'd suggest you look at yourself a little harder, the answer lies within you, not anywhere else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): I am 25 and happily married to a man that is only 4 years older than me, but for the longest time I felt the same way as you. In fact he is the first man I have had a serious relationship with that hasn't been at least 5 years older than me (I "dated" lots of guys my own age... but nothing serious). We have been married for 3 years now, but every now and then I'll see a man in his mid 30's and think little dirty thoughts.The absolute best sexual relationship I have ever had was with a man that was 10 years my elder. We had a non-committed relationship for about 2 years, we were very close friends and it seemed that he ALWAYS knew just what to do. I knew just what he wanted as well. We would "play" till the sun came up. I think that one of the reasons that we were so compatible sexually is that we both had very similar personalities and we were not afraid to ask for certain sexual requests. There were times where he would give an idea and I wouldn't be into it and visa versa and we never felt obligated to go along with something we were not comfortable with. His experience and my curiosity blended together with our close friendship made everything really great. We really took the time to learn about and respect each other. I think that this is the reason that I have always been attracted to older men.You say that "I'm only attracted to OLDer men, whereas I'm 17. How do I stop this?"... I would advise that you not totally stop it. Have a few relationships with men your own age or maybe 3 years older. ALWAYS be honest about your age though. Since you are not yet 18 some men might react very badly if you lie and say you are 18 and they find out that you are under age. Also, make sure that the older men you are with are not just using you and taking advantage of your inexperience. Communication is very important and can lead to amazing emotional and sexual experiences.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I am in the exact same situation you are, physically, mentally, emotionally. I am 17 years old and I find myself ONLY attracted to older men; usually 25-40, as you said yourself. I will be attracted to guys my own age, however once I talk to them for longer than a few minutes I am instantly turned off, whereas an older man keeps me learning and interested because you see they have depth and an understanding of the world. Not saying younger guys dont, but they haven't really grown into themselves yet. Anyhow, you really can't stop these feelings, they are natural. Reason Being: You are Mature for your age. Youre an old soul, like myself. I wouldn't be surprised if you said you were an only child! I also wouldn't be surprised if you fantasize about being with an older man. It's perfectly normal, just follow your heart and intution. Just be careful because not everyone is going to be as empathetic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I found this after I was searching for answers as to why I'm more attracted to younger women. Seems like it goes the other way too.
To give you a perspective from the other side, the reason I don't want to get involved with someone younger is because women change a lot. From what I've seen, there seems to be something magic about the 22-24 age for women--they start to come into true focus as to who they are and what they want at this age. And a lot of times, they leave behind what they thought they once wanted. I've seen several friends and relatives who were going to marry their girlfriends of several years just get dumped when the girl turned 22 or 23.
For your situation, I'd ask you to do the same exercise I'm doing myself--ask yourself, "why?" What is it about the older man that attracts you? And when you answer that question, ask "why?" to the answer. Keep asking "why?" until you find the source of it all. Then you can better understand yourself and how you can approach this issue in a positive and healthy way.
It's kinda funny, one of the best friends I've ever had was a girl I saw across a room. We talked for hours and I didn't even know her name. I found out later she was 14. I was 24 at the time. We were best friends for about a year and then we just stopped being close. We still see each other around town and at certain events. She called me a few days ago to wish me a happy 33rd birthday. I'll be calling her next month to wish her a happy 23rd. You never know where something like this can end up. Just remember that everyone is constantly growing. And growing doesn't have an age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I have the same problem, I'm 16, and I can't get a crush on a guy my age. I try to force myself to forget about older guys and like my peers, but thats impossible. The guys I'm attracted to are in the 25-35 range. A lot of my guy friends are adult men...I guess I just like the idea of being with mature people. The one guy I've been in love with for a while is 31 and I really am embarrassed that I have a crush on him, because who would approve of someone my age liking someone his age? Then sometimes I wonder if he thinks the same thing, just because we're really good friends. Could it just be our ages holding us back? But I doubt he thinks of me like that haha. I feel like I'm someone in their 20s stuck in a 16 year old body. Even by the time im not a minor anymore, it'd still be weird to most people if a relationship flourished with such an age disparity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Teenage boys mature at basically the same time as teenage girls. Society just likes it better when we tell ourselves otherwise because it excuses the older guy/younger girl hookups.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Given that young females are far more mature than their male counterparts I can understand a 17 year-old going for a 25 year-old. 30s and 40s is pushing it though ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): You really have to ask yourself why older guys would want to be with you in the first place-if they do there is something definately wrong with them. So, as I see it, you two would work out perfectly if you want to be seen as sick by some. Get over this stage and fast, it's not healthy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Having feelings for an older man isn't wrong! i was 16 when i started dating my partner, he was 33. where iam from 16 is legal, which is different from you. people will comment, say nasty things, but it is becoming more common. personally i prefer older men because they aren't silly immature little boys. 4 years on i am still with my man X
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reader, kittykatty97 +, writes (20 November 2007):
Hey,Listen, I totally know how you feel. Im 16 right now and i like a guy who lives 40 minutes away from me and is 24. He likes me back though so my situation is a little bit different than yours. Trust me i know how much it sucks having crushes on guys that old. Sure ive had a few that were my age but they are mostly evil and immature (like im one to talk!) Alot of guys out there arnt going to be interested in someone our age unless they just think we're some hot easy piece of ass. I know everyone says 'age doesnt matter if you love each other' but guess what? IT DOES. Take me for example. I like a guy 8 years older than me and im only 16. When we first started dating i was so happy that i had him that i told my friend over the phone. I didnt know that my brother was listening at my door though so he found out. That sucked!!! He says that if he finds out ive done more than hug him, (weve been 'dating' for about 2 months and havnt even kissed yet) that hes gonna call the cops on him. Plus he keeps using that as blackmail. Its not like i wanted to fall in love with a guy that much older than me. I just did! That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life because now im too scared to do anything. Im a bad liar so people find things out easily from me. Yeah i know that got so off track its insane, but my point is, go ahead and like the guys that old. I know thats not good advice but i just wanted to say something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): hey i am 16 and atm have fallen for a guy who is considerably older than to give u an idea 30 years. Its not easy i have known him for a year found out we both had feelings about 3 months ago, no one but me and him, my parents for a start would go crazy as would friends and family. No one knows how you feel unless your put into the situation, i love this man more than any other boyfriends i have had my own age and feel more for him than anyone else ever. What we're going to do yet we havent decided its too soon and we're still working round the age gap, and for the record we are not havin sex yet!! and nor is he pressuring me too. Our relationship is everything i could wish for its safe, loving, caring secure and happy. There is no hidden agenda's, no secrets jus plain love and adoration an we would both be happy to settle down together right now. You dont find that with lads around our age most of the time there only after one thing sex, the majority of the time they're too immature and selfish, not treating how you want to be treated and get bored. Older men are different they understand which is why younger women are attracted to them. I understand how you feel because when i first met my man i thought i was stupid and ignored it choosing to think it was soem stupid crush, i now realise it is def more than that. All i will say is you are perfectly normal and to nhave a relationship with an older man is fine in my eyes although i would tread carefully, alot of men will see you as young flesh perhaps so be extremely carefull in your choices and dont be pressured into things.Hope it all goes well
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Girls who have not had a decent stable father figure are often much more deeply set on getting much-older boyfriends. That may be playing a role in this depending on your past.
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reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 well its not a problem to like older men im very attracted to older men and yes i have gotten hurt but if older men have turned you down yes it is because of your age but than they respect you and the fact that your parents might kill him for taking a way your incocents thats if you still have it anyway. But don't think there is anything wrong with you, you just feel that older men know what they are doing and you want that secure feeling. ust be careful some men like to take advantage and see how far they can make you go with them. Make them wait if they like you they will wait till you are ready if they finish wit you because you said no to sex than you know thats all the want or if they keepasking for it or if you love me you will have sex with me, tell them if thats all they want you walk away and if he chases after you than sometimes you know he does genually like you. just be careful
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reader, whiteshadow +, writes (13 November 2007):
 There isnt a way to stop it really. I think anyone can work if they really both try and want it. I have been with a guy 11 years older before at a younger age and everyone said it would never work out and it did ( i still see him now ). I find myself attracted to older men in the same age range too and i am nearly 20 now. I know alot of people would disagree with me but i believe strongly that theres nothign wrong with fancying older people. its just a natural thing like a women might like a guy who is tall rather than small or thin/fat. You get the point :) You will defo meet someone like yourself.there are younger guys tho that have older minds and look older. good luck hun!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Just cut out all men and women older than you until you are 18 (or 16 in my part of the world) and then you'll be fine.
Besides, like HOUSE said... What kind of future are you hoping for with them? 9 times out of 10 at least one of you will end up in jail.
Flynn 19
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): i tell you what, just get into a relationship with a guy of your age whether you love him or not; then who knows he might end up with being love of your life and you might fall in love with him gradually.
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