A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a non-committed relationship with a woman for the past 3 years. I asked her a few times but she said she needed time to think before committing. Which was okay with me and I waited. Recently I found out that she was going out with a married man with 3 kids. When i confronted her about it, she really cried me a river and asked me not to leave her as she needed me. I melted and I said yes, I would be around. Over the weeks, her attitude to me changed and she became distant while every now and then saying that she needed me in her life and wanted me to be around. Which later became wanted me around atleast as a friend as I meant a lot to her. I kept reassuring her that I would be around and still loved her a lot. She lated conceded to me that she is unable to decide on this other dude and me but she doesnt want me to wait. Which was difficult for me and I told her I cant be friends with her as it was difficult for me but was willing to wait till she decided. I just feel totally stupid now as she is again out with him and I just feel really idiotic. I am just unable to fathom her behavior and want to call it off completely from my side. To the extent that I don't wish to talk to her again but she is likely to break down again and I might just land in the same cycle. I have asked her many times what exactly she expects from me but she doesn't seem to know or doesn't tell. And my love for her is just making matters really worse for me.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 September 2010):
Run a mile away. She's having an affair with a married ma who has kids. She has no problems about wrecking a marriage, no thought for the children or the other wife, and no self respect. Not a woman you want to marry, because it means she will hurt you too.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 September 2010):
 You are right, she will continue to do this if you keep letting her. The truth is, if she wanted you instead of him she would have chosen to stopped seeing him. You're going to have to cut contact at this point. Let her see what her life is like without you.... she may discover she's rather have you than him, though it sounds to me she's more trouble than she's worth.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 September 2010):
 You know what you need to do for your own mental health, and that's break it off. It will suck, but it will be best in the long run.
She can go ahead and cry you her sob story, but the fact of the matter is, she's having an affair with a married man. She's hoping he will leave his wife for her. She's non-committal to you because you're her fall back and by not committing, she doesn't feel like she's cheating on you.
You should be somebody's first choice, not their fallback. She's made her decision, she just doesn't want to tell you the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): That is what they do.....they don't want to commit, they want you to wait around while they play the field. Go figures...she will never change, because, she knows just how much you love her. In fact you love her more than she loves you..you care more than she cares.
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