A
female
age
30-35,
*ot4teacher
writes:Well, I know this is a very redundant topic on here, and I've read a bunch of questions and answers. But the thing is that most that I would like to reply to have been closed. So I finally decided to post my own, as no one question/story is quite exactly like mine. First of all I am a 17 year old female and have been struggling with my sexual identity for quite some time now... I have finally come to terms with myself and for the time being I refer to myself as a lesbian. I used to like to think I was merely bi-sexual, but the truth of the matter is... I'm not. Anyways to the "problem" so to say.I have had the same teacher all throughout high school now (I am a junior now) and at first it seemed like I just looked up to her (yes, the teacher is female, of course). I liked to think that I only looked up to her, but really everyday I found myself studying her more and more, trying to convince myself that I wasn't doing what I was actually doing. But I was. I was checking my teacher out. Everyday she got more and more beautiful to me. I soon found myself hanging on her every word. I can still remember exact things she has said from my freshman year of high school. To me, she is amazing. Beautiful, smart, intelligent (yes, there is a difference to me) etc. etc. I tried to tell myself that I was pretty weird for thinking such things about her, trying to rationalize in my head why I was thinking these things... Trying to tell myself that she wasn't good looking, when I truthfully thought she was the most beautiful person to walk this earth. I soon became infatuated I guess you could call it. Some may call it obsessed... Hell, I call it obsessed. I can't stop talking about her, ever. It's sickens me sometimes but I cannot stop myself. She makes me so happy, and I never want to leave her class, I never want to leave her side. I even got her a Christmas gift which at the time was just a Starbucks gift card, but none the less she was very surprised and thought it was really nice of me. Later that year when she left for her maternity leave I got her yet another gift, I got her a coach key chain, the kind you can put pictures in... This time i spent almost 70 dollars, but to me it didn't matter. I remember her last day. I'm not sure how long I cried but I remembered walking past her room and thinking, this may be the last time I see you. For all I knew she might decide not to come back. She ended up sending me another thank you card (I got one for Christmas too) for the letter and gift I gave her... I still have them to this day, along with other things from her, I know it sounds kind of weird but... I don't know how to explain it. I soon became very interested as to where she lived (this is where it gets bad). The temp we had instead of her had an idea, that we send her cards when she had the baby, when that time came around the temp left the envelope on the desk... with her address on it. It scared me that I was acting so weird but, I looked to get her address and when I did, it got even weirder. She ended up living two streets over from my aunt in a town about 15 miles from our school. What are the chances? I know. I was ecstatic. Needless to say over the summer and while she was gone I did much more investigating about her. I even scared myself, I ended up finding her phone number online, although I never had the guts so call her, I rejoiced in just having it. I now felt as though we were somehow closer. I guess that's kind of weird. When Sophomore year came around I ended up having her twice a day. Boy, can I tell you, I was the happiest kid in that school. I think I may have literally ran down the halls screaming when I got my schedule... Anyways, we soon became quite friendly. And I loved this. I loved talking to her in-between classes, after school, before school. She gave me a sense of comfort that I have never had with anyone else. Needless to say I fell even more in love with her than I already was. She would tell me about her new baby girl and talk about her family, sometimes her husband *sigh* none the less I adored the personal talks with her. I stayed after school frequently and found more and more reasons to come before school, I had her for both Spanish and Italian class and in my Italian class they were all a year younger than me leaving me to not know many people, which caused her to show a little extra attention towards me and act friendly towards me in class. Which, let me tell you, I loved. Throughout the year I found out more and more about her, more about her family, her home life. I soon found myself recording her in class so that I could just listen to her voice later. I know this is freaky. But I really have to get this out, even if you all think it is awfully weird. I found myself getting severely depressed over the matter. I was completely and utterly in love with her. I loved everything about her. I got straight A+'s in both classes, of course. I am a good student anyway but, loving her like I did made me go the extra mile. Or two. I found myself doing even creepier things, like walking by where I knew she was in school, like if she had hall duty or something to that extent I would walk by. Say hi to her. So on. I even started walking home a different way so that I could walk out the back of the building through the faculty lot with her. I remember this one day, one of the days I actually had a ride, I had no jacket on and it was pretty cold out and I heard her yelling from somewhere "Where's your jacket?! Are you crazy?!" In Italian. She pulled up next to me and offered me a ride home. I unfortunately had to decline. My father was two spaces over. She asked me if I was sure and that she didn't want me walking in the cold, I told her my dad was right there and she made sure he was before she left with a toot of her horn a cute wave. I proceeded to tell my father that he had ruined my life. Hahaha. To me at least. She seriously is the cutest thing ever to me. Throughout the year my feeling for her just grew stronger and stronger. She made her way into the lyrics of every song I listened to, everything I looked at I could relate to her. She was always on my mind; and always in my dreams. I always knew there would never be a relationship. Quite obviously. She had a daughter and a husband. And not to mention was old Enough to be my mother 38 my freshman year, 39 my sophomore year, and now 40. Yes, I know her birthday too. I sort of found her classmates profile online. As well as some other things. Along with her personal e-mail. But I would never be the type to abuse my power of knowing it. I would never e-mail her. Never give it away. To anyone. I respect her privacy and always feel so guilty for invading it like I did. But it was like I could not control myself. It scares me how much I know about her. I know where a lot of her relatives live, and where her husband works. Most thanks to her. But some I found out on my own accord. My sophomore year she found out where my aunt lived through a paper I wrote and told me that that is where she lived. It was quite funny how much we had in common. It was even funnier when i was in the waiting room to my pediatrician one day and saw her Christmas card up on the wall. I ended up telling her the next day, we got quite a laugh out of it. Seen as thought it yet again is in a completely different town than either of us live in. She probably now was starting to think it was a bit weird, but seriously THAT was just a pure coincidence, or luck (for me).I yet again got her Christmas gifts this year, an imported soap and sea salt set from Spain and a Spain calendar. Those soaps were pretty expensive too, I had them shipped from Spain to here (She was my Spanish and Italian teacher; still is my Italian teacher). Again accompanied with a letter. The letter was along the same lines as before telling her how much I valued her teaching and what an amazing teacher she was. I even want to be a foreign language teacher, but I always have wanted to. Hence the taking two languages. Still throughout the rest of this year I continued to fall harder and harder for her. My family began to find out I guess. I even went to see her house. I guess it's a little creepy when you read it, but how I feel... I just can't explain. By the end of the year I somehow found myself in yet again the same place, only worse. Now here I am junior year completely in love with this woman. And I can never tell her. I would never have the courage. This year I sent her flowers on Valentine's day, I mean yeah... school carnations. But, to me it was something, just to see her smile when she got them, even if she didn't know it was me. Also this year, I had to have a meeting with her and my counselor. She seemed to think that I was talking about her personal information with people, and thought there were too many coincidences between us. Which I admit is true, but this quite literally crushed me. I cried for the whole weekend, I mean it basically came out as, I think you're stalking me. I mean I guess if another person looks at it, it might look that way, but I don't mean it to be. I don't know what to do anymore. I went and talked with her, ended up crying, and she apologized and said that she didn't mean it that way. Even though it was supposedly "straightened out" I always somehow find a way to get myself down about it. Thinking OMG, She knows! It still brings me to tears. I guess I just don't know where to go from here. Or what to do, how to let go. If I can let go. I know this isn't normal, and I'm really not quite sure what I'm looking for here, but I really wanted to get this out. Maybe find some people who like me have a problem like this, maybe share some thoughts. I really don't know. And before you tell me, I know. It's unhealthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): I have the same problem. I am a thirteen year old seventh grader, and my problem has been going on since the middle of February this year. I am obsessed with a teacher in my school, who doesn't even know I exist. Since my father teaches at my school, she does have some idea of who I am, but she doesn't know as much as I would like her to know. It only started out very simply, I was noticing her for the first time, and I came to the conclusion that I really like her. I still, to this day, do not know why I like her so much. It could be because she reminds me of my favorite actress and idol, Meryl Streep. Or it could be because she looks like people in my family. Whatever it is, I don't why or how, but this is what is on my mind for the past four months, non stop. My friend and I decided to sit up against some lockers, right outside her office every break and lunch, during the school week, just to see her. My goal, was to say hi to her, and have a conversation, but now, my goal is for her to notice me. There are about 800 children in my school, and I expect her, to notice me, just me. I know I sound crazy, and believe me, I scare myself sometimes too. But I have had this problem for so long and I am so desperate that I need advice. To this day, I know what town she lives in, her Skype and Facebook account, I know that she is married, has two children. I have memorized her license plate number of her car, so I can see wether or not she is in school that day. The hardest thing is, is that she doesn't work 100%. I am lucky, if I see twice every two to three days. But no, that is not the biggest problem, the biggest issue here,is that, she is not my teacher and she never will be my teacher. She works in the learning support area, to help children with a language and learning difficulties. My mother tongue is English although I speak that other language fluently. Therefore, I will never be able to have her as a teacher. My friend, gave me a piece of news, that I will never forget. She came up to me one day, and said, X , guess who I am going to have as a teacher, every thursday for a private language lesson?! I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep for three weeks. I was so angry, frustrated and confused as to why I wasn't allowed to have her as my teacher. I started to think to myself, had I done something bad, or wrong? Was God upset with me, therefor not allowing me to have her as a teacher? I was so lonely, nobody bothered to listen or to help me. I lived about 5 to 10 minutes away from school, I took the train every morning, and got to school at around 8:10. She arrived at school at around 8:20. I would wait, outside, rain, snow,hail or sunshine for her. Trying to make it not look obvious, I would walk into school for the second time, just to hold the door open for her, trying to get her to notice me. Today, May 18th, I have still not reached my goal. She knows I exist, she knows my name, she knows that my father works at the school. She doesn't know me, as a person. My only wish, is for her to know how much I like her, how much I wish she would stop in the hallways and talk to me. I have no courage, to go up to her and start a conversation. I have smiled at her countless times,said hi once or twice. I have gotten to the point where I don't know what I want anymore. Every single second of every single day, she is on my mind. I can't eat properly, my sleeping habits have changed, I can't focus in school properly. All my friends have her as a teacher, and they have no idea, how lucky they really are. I am longing, for the day, the day where she either talks to me. Or I the day I get her as a teacher. The day she notices me. There is one good thing that has happened. My friends think I look liker her. I have the same hair, we dress alike, I have her pencil case. But the true secret is, I tried to look like her. I cut my hair short, put it up the same way, just like her. My mom and I went shopping, I got all the clothes that I thought she would buy. I bought the exact same pencil case, to match hers. I have gotten to a point, where I don't think, it matters anymore. She thinks of me, like she thinks of everyone else in the school. I am at my wits end, I have tried everything that anyone has suggested to me. But nothing seems to work. I can't talk to her, I am unable to get up the courage and talk to her. I am so lost and frustrated and desperate, I have followed her to her car, just to spend another minute with her. She didn't know I was following her. She doesn't even know that I like her. If only she knew. What would happen? Would she come up to me and talk? Would she want to work 100% again, and teach Grade 8 for that language next year? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. All I know, is that I have to solve this. Either way, I will have to do it all on my own. Talking to her, will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my entire life. And you readers out there, if you have or had a similar problem, and dealt with it, please tell me. Be my guest, share your ideas or solutions. And believe me, I know this will pass. But when, ...... and how?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I am happy for you, and I'm jealous! I did do what you did but got told off.
And never even get any "thank you" note, or I don't even think I did get a proper thank you.
I just can't believe there are someone out there that's like me.
I guess I feel normal now lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Okay. I sorta relate. I'm not lesbian. I'm sure about that, but last year - my junior year of Highschool I met this teacher. I thought she was just beautiful. I thought she was loud and obnoxious & I didn't think I'd like her. She teaches my worst subject; math. Anyway... Everyday I watched her. The way she moved, faces she made, & things she would say. I had a difficult time with math so I started going before school for help. We got closer and closer. I started going up even when I didn't need help just to talk. I've had quite the hard life so I have trust issues. I though she was so amazing and I loved to hear her talk. She made me laugh. Then I started pushing her away & I started arguing with her and making her mad just to get kicked out. I stopped going in the morning and I just avoided her a much as I could. One day she approached me and asked what was wrong and I yelled at her and I walked away. I felt horrible for how I had been treating her so I went to apologize. I broke down. She held my hand and I told her how sorry I was & she missed a whole period just to sit with me in the bathroom. Anyway. After that it was cool. We got SUPER close. Like super super super close. I think she's the most beautiful person on the earth. Though I'm not gay, I admire her body. It's perfect. He perfect brests and her butt. Thighs and legs. She's just beautiful. I was SO protective over her && guys constantly talked about sexing her. I never thought about sexual things with her, but I'd pictured her naked. Well school let out and I missed her for a few days then i dint really think of her. Every once in a while she'd come to mind and I'd smile, but not really. School just started and I seen her on the first day. I ran up to her and hugged her & all of my emotions hit me at once. I started to cry. I missed her so much. I spent some time with her during lunch that day and then last night at the football game she sat by me. We talked. I love every secon I get to spend with her and I hang on to every word she says to me. There is SO much more to this story. This isn't like a sexual attraction or a love thing. I love her, but it's because I look up to her SO much. She is my inspiration. I miss her all the time. During other classes and over weekends. It's like an obsession, but not to the extent that I am looking up her info. Maybe she's just a HUGE rolemodel for you & you love her In that way. Maybeee that's your thing.
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A
male
reader, The B man +, writes (4 July 2010):
 I know what you felt when this occured to you. OMG, I am going through the same thing just with the smartest student in school instead of a teacher. Everything you though and felt is the same with me. I however has just decided to go to the school theropist after my English teacher pointed out that I am obsessed(I told her about it and she replyed with telling me she, at one point, was also obsessed). I know EVERYTHING about this girl and I feel like such a creep as a result of my actions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): I alawys thought I was crazy (still do sometimes) for feeling this way. I would do anything for this person. Maybe it is weird, but I feel like our obsession CAN be a good thing. We studied harder for these teachers than for any others. Even after I graduated I still strive to make this person proud. I think she has an idea of how much I care about her, but I don't think she knows how deep it goes. Of course I would never risk losing her from my life by telling her how I feel. I am just happy to have her in my life at all. I thought that after not seeing her for a long time my feelingS would have faded. I have had obsessions like this before and they always went away. But when I reunited with this person my feelongs were as strong as ever. I don't think I will ever stop loving this woman becasue she is worthy of being loved. Why would I stop. She is perfect. I don't think most people find her "hot", but I sure do. and the main attraction is in her personality. I have never met such a wonderful, kind, open person in my life. I want to be like her in every way. The women in my family are loving, moral people but not strong role models in life They are afraid to do anything. Plus my family never encouraged me to better myself like this teacher always has. I feel like she cares more about me than anyone else. If I wasn't so comftrable and loved feeling with this person I might not feel so strongly. She is so perfect that she makes me feel perfect when I'm around her.
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female
reader, pogologos +, writes (27 November 2009):
i have the same problem. unfortunately, mine is worse to the point i imagine they are my parents. they were my sixth grade teachers and i am obsessed to the point i could vomit. there is this one i found out where she lives, her family, phone number, birthday and more. i have their pictures on my phone and everywhere i go there they are. the other one i imagine is my grandmother. i am about to lose control and i am going over board with it. i am losing focus and starting to believe that they watch and hear everything i do. for example right now as i right this i have to look over my shoulde to make sure they are not there. it is taking my life over and i can't come forward to admit the way i feel about them. every time i pass her house i feel sick to my stomach and wonder if she is "cheating". i can't take anymore.
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female
reader, Jenniie  +, writes (4 February 2009):
I have had exactly the smae problem although it hasnt got to that stage YET! I have had a string of theese obsessions and everytime they have become worse and worse. I have now got a major obsession with my english teacher, i do the same things, walk past her classroom purposly, try desperatly to do well and hang on her every word in class. I was so ashamed of what this might be that i have never told anyone and to this day nobody knows i just spend days trying to find people with the same problem to console myself. My hope is to find ways to combat the problem and stop it, although have know idea how to do this!! I am also wondering wether this is due to my sexuality or am i merly attension seeking as i do in alot of classes (i think thats what it is.) If you have advice it would be great to talk. The whooe situation leads me into bouts of deep depression which generally just involves me crying myself to sleep in secret! I also used to self harm but had to stop after i almost got caught and realised the problems it would cause if people found out (i.e i would have to tell people about my problem)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008): Oh, and also what I meant to add along with my last post - for the person whom I was responding to... or anyone else of course. I find I can really relate to the song "Kind of Perfect" by Armor For Sleep... Here's a link to the lyrics if anyone wants to check it out.. it's a bit emo.. but I find myself listening to it when I'm down about this whole thing.
http://www.metrolyrics.com/kind-of-perfect-lyrics-armor-for-sleep.html
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Hello I have an insane crush on my high school english teacher it drives me nuts I think about her 24/7 I have fantasies about me making love to her it's crazy during class she sits on this desk next to me and swings her leg towards my direction that is a flirting symbol you know and when another student that sits behind me raises their hand she brushes against me when she walks past and I feel extremeley pleasurable sparks I think she knows what she does to me i gave her a christmas presest and she said I am soo sweet but sadly she is also married.I know how you guys feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): exactly the same here. i emailed her, i pretended it was accidental and i really hope she hasn't any clue how obsessed i really am, or my friends :S
thing is i had an obsession with my drama teacher last year but she hated me and i soon got over it, i'm hoping i'll get over this. it can't be happening. please :( i want to be normal, i want to feel normal. ughhh. see, i've been reasearching it too!
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A
female
reader, hot4teacher +, writes (14 December 2008):
hot4teacher is verified as being by the original poster of the question To the last person that posted...This story sounds quite familiar, really. This is exactly how I felt when I first started off.. way back in freshman year - I am a senior now. I always considered myself to be "straight"... until she came along. I mean everyone goes through that questionable phase, but this was the first time I thought about it seriously. After my freshman year I met a girl who soon became my best friend, who was a year younger than I and I went through this with her, and didn't end up telling her in was romantic for some time, although when I did she wasn't that surprised.. I too can be quite silly in school and we would always try to find her in school and joke about it together, and yes, my friends called me a stalker too - even my family... And believe it or not, when i had this "meeting" with her she did bring it up, she noticed how we were giggly in the hall when we saw her and she thought that we were talking about her... which yeah, we were, but it wasn't anything bad of course, but she did notice this. So if you were wondering if your teacher would notice these things, the chances are that she did. What you described before, the loitering around her room, finding reasons to tell her, taking the scenic route, googling her, going to school on teacher conference days... well, I went through this exact same thing and here I am a good 4 years later, very secure in my sexuality - I am gay. It seems as though she opened my eyes to see the real me... I know you think this isn't it and I know when people share their stories and they're not like mine I kind of go yeah yeah, they don't know.. but trust me I DO! Even if you don't think this is in a sexual way of anysort.. I know what you're going through. I sometimes would question it.. i mean I think i'd be happy if I could just be her friend, you know? Just any attachment to her. I went through a lot with this certain teacher last year.. and this year, my senior year I do not even have her for a teacher and she is not in school even, (she is on leave until the New Year). I never thought I would get over this - but it seems I have. I have started to be interested in people my age, even in love with people my age, I have someone whom I love very much right now.. and yeah, i do think of her sometimes because let's face it - she hurt me.. without even knowing it. After this "meeting" things were fine until the end of my Junior year (11th grade)she had offered to write me a letter of recommendation for university/college and of course, i had said yes and it just ended up being this huge mess when I wanted to see it after the fact.I of course had my own selfish reasons for wanting to see it.. it was going to be the last shred of her that I had left.. the last thing that I could ever cherish from her, of course i wanted it! But this ended up in her screaming at me and me leaving in tears. Come to find out, she took it back completely and now I just found out before applying to university, and I'm here not just completely heartbroken but also for lack of better words, COMPLETELY SCREWED. I have no other letters, and I was counting on hers very much.. I had even written my admissions essay on her and how she had inspired me. I find that now my feelings for her have somewhat been squelched, and I think of her much less than I ever did.. whether this is because of her absence or just merely me growing out of it, I am not sure. But I am sure that if she were to come back into my life I would just fall into the same old pit. Last year, after coming out to my parents I sought counsel and have been in therapy ever since, this being the main issue I have dealt with there and that obviously has a really big role in where I am today as far as this is concerned... I'm not sure if this will help you in any way but i felt as thought I needed to post this just to give a little update to people anyhow so, please if you want to chat anymore regarding this feel free to contact me again! And I hope you resolve things sooner than I did and save yourself the heartbreak.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): my story is similar. help me out. me and my friend have had the terrible obsession over this teacher, where both girls, and where 15 and shes like early 30's. its been going on since early senior years. the thing is, its nothing sexual, we are both secure about our sexuality and i dont ever look at the same sex in that kinda way, im not in denial either im totally sure. but i dont know what it is, i guess its better i know my friend is going through with it as well, but i think im worse off. we walk past her room whenever we get the chance during school, its bad. and we loiter around where her room is and stuff, we used to try and find reasons to go see her, but we stoped recently. but its still there. we are both quite loud pupils and we have a laugh with most of our teachers, and some students even say i talk about this teacher alot and call me a stalker for a laugh, but its really not funny, but we take it as a joke of course. we talk about her all the time and we know like everything about her, we even googled her house number and stuff. and its still really bad, and i basicly go through what you do. just not so extreme yet, but i dont even know why. this teacher is so moody, i guess she kinda inspires us or something. but we have a laugh but she really has a go at us sometimes and i like, really dislike her but just feel the need to want to see her all the time. even once, the teachers go out every friday, and after school we went down to where they go and we see her in this pub place having a drink... its funny right i know i even laugh about it, but i freak myself out and im getting fed up with myself. these kids, my friends used to say i stalked this teacher, and once i wasnt in one day and they actually told her, i think she was a bit freaked out and one time she was my cover, and she was talking to me about it making a laugh. and i got up and stormed out and went mental, and i shouted at her, and felt bad after. but, another teacher her colleuge said to me once, "ah, i know who you are... you the one that has an obsession with ... " and i was like ?. so i kinda think teachers have been discussing it in the staff room. so the situations different, im quite immature in school and i mess around alot, so these teachers know/think i have an obsession, and make a joke out of it. but i still know its gone to far and want it to stop and i dont know when its gonna, i feel like my lifes completely messed up.
its pretty bad, me and my friend once on a teacher training day, went up to the school, and i got a fake parking ticket and ran over and put it on this teachers car and we like sat in the bush and was exited to see her reaction, i mean come on, but whats worse is, quite funny really my friends phone rang so we skiddattled. i like find myself acting like a complete prat around her all the time. and i feel like i cant breath and stuff.. ?
one time, she asked me and my friend to do her a job, so we spent like the whole day with her in her room. and now we like take a scenic route home from school so she will see us in her car and wave, cause she always does.
it has got alot better latley, cause now i kinda ignore her, and when i see her coming my way, i try to avoid eye contact or pretend she isnt there, and we have even noticed shes doing it back, like she looks at us and gives us "the look". its so wierd. it seems pretty clear that loads of people have obsessions with teachers, i think people become mentally attached to somebody without realising and then it just goes to far, but i just want it to stop, and i dont know how. i hate it.
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (23 August 2008):
I advise you read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/love-your-teacher.html
xxxx
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female
reader, Alexexexex +, writes (20 August 2008):
I know how you feel. i know exactly how you feel. i'm not quite as far down the line as you are, but the earlier points you make completely mirror mine. I haven't known my teacher as long as you and have no where near as good a relationship as you with yours. but i understand how you're feeling. My crush hasn't got children but she married recently. it broke my heart. it's the most awful feeling in the world isn't it? and the emotions you feel are so strong, but no one else understands just how deeply in love you are. I have a playlist on my ipod with songs that sum up how i feel about her, i know her birthday, i have memorised her liscence plate on her car, I work out where in the school she is so i can 'accidentally' bump into her. but i'v always felt hated by her. i seem to try so hard in her lessons to be normal that i just make a complete embarassment of myself. the good news is I'm going on a school trip to scotland with her soon and ten others for a weekend. just the chance i need to get to know her!the idea of recording her voice, i must say, is genius. because i have this constant niggle at the back of my mind reminding me how little time i have left with her. - only two terms. so to have her voice there, recorded, is a reminder always of her.Dont think you're unusual. i dont know what im going to do so i cant say whether you should tell her or not but goodluck. if she freaks, at least she knows. i think perhaps that's better than never knowing how she felt about you.
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female
reader, demolition-lovers +, writes (8 August 2008):
 I feel the same way as you...i was obsessed with my teacher and was in love with aswell...But she left a year ago that even hurts more...I still think of her everyday..and its killing me painfully. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): wow, I've read loads of stories like this before, but this I can really relate to. I could have written that! But you say Italian, I say French. You say Spannish, I say German. You say 40, I say 50. You say Lesbian, I say Bi. You say Husband and Baby Girl, I say Husband and daughter 4 moths younger than me.
It is such a relief to read a story so similar. I don't know my teacher's exact adress but I know she lives round the corner from a friend, I'm so jealous. She said the teacher jogs infront of her house, and my friend was riding her horse past the teachers house and saw her in her underwear. I looked at my friends adress on google maps, and recognised her house by her car, which Is the first thing I look at when I arrive at school. When it's not there I feel a little crushed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. I can totally relate to what you have written (and I think you're very brave by the way) and how painful it is when you care about someone who is so out of reach. I really hope you find the peace that you deserve and that your teacher understands that you weren't stalking her.
Take care.
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reader, lil_lezza +, writes (2 April 2008):
 This is so weird i thought i was the only person that had those sort of feelings. Im 18 and my girlfriends 40, things used to be amazing but since ive moved out and got a job travelling its all gone wrong. My girlfriend treats me so kind and shes so loving and perfect, im so scared shell leave me for someone else. I am completely and utterly in love with her. I get to see her one day a week, which is really hard for me. All the time im away from her im totally depressed and i cant get her out of my head. I keep ringing her and when we put the phone down i ring back just to hear her voice. I know what im doing is wrong and obsessive, but i cant help it i miss her so much. its really stressing her out though and now shes starting to think im too young for her, i know i have to stop but its so hard and i dont know how.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Hi, i was just reading your question, and i am in such a similar situation to you, except that i'm not gay: i'm sort of obsessed with my teacher, i wait around in the morings to watch his car drive into school, and then watch him walk to the staffroom, i even used to wait before school to watch which roads he came out of, and each morning i would wait a little further away from school until i finally found out his address - that was like in december but i havent been there once because i just hate to admit to myself that i've technically stalked him, but just knowing where he lives is like a comfort to me. i dont think he knows, and i dont "stalk" at all anymore becuase i just hated the guity feeling i got (and of course worrying that he would find out) but i am still 100% in love (or infatuated.. whatever you call it, it feels like love) and i am actaully planning on speaking to a councellor person at school tomorrow because i am so sick of feeling miserable and lovesick all the time. so you're definitely not alone in how you feel.
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reader, hot4teacher +, writes (22 March 2008):
hot4teacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou have no idea how good that made me feel to know that somebody feels the same way as me. I would love to talk to you more about it... But you answered as anonymous! If you read this again, or stumble upon it again please take the time to either message me on here (if you have an account) or you can e-mail me if you would like. [personal information deleted by moderator.] I really hope to talk to you soon. I have never really met/talked with a person who felt so exactly like me, EVERYTHING you said I can completely relate to! EXACTLY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): btw can i just quickly add some of the people who have answered your question have made me feel so much better also and i completely agree with some of the things they say. (((Also i forgot to say if she like touches my pencilcase or pen or something i will hold it for ages and keep lookin at it because i know her dna is on it and shes touched it lol, and i once borrowed her bottle to fill up with water in school b/c i felt sick and she let me keep her bottle lol it was just an evian water bottle but this was months ago now and i have never chucked the bottle away either as it was in her bag etc and she touched/drunk from it aswell as me lol. n i always do my hw for her first lol i prioritize her stuff lol sorry theres loads more i couldwrite but i wont))) xxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): Oh my goodness WOW!! After reading your story i can totally relate to it as i do the same types of things as you do over my teacher - i feel so not alone and so much better after reading this - thank you so much! (i know what you mean about being scared of her finding this lol trust me cos i am too haha cos she'll know its me aswell lol) and anyway i constantly talk about her also. I don't think you are a lesbian, i think you just have a strong admiration and friendship with her - but you confuse this with love. I was the same, i didn't know what i was for a while, but although i so to speak "love" my teacher, i am fully hetrosexual because i love her in a way that i admire her, and look up to her, i think she is perfect as in pretty, i constantly think about her and talk about her (though i dont if i can help it so not to draw attention to it), i love her dress sense and try to copy what she wears because shes young and stylish, and yes i do fantasise about her all the time in my head - like in my head i'll sort of daydream whilst listening to music or something just me and her together (of no sexual nature whatsoever) but just things like me crying say and she hugging me and putting her arm around me (she is v caring and has done this before and although i was upset i loved every second of her hugging me and so constantly go over it), and i daydream fantassies like just random stuff like her comforting me if i was frightened or something or like i imagine being on school trips with her an me vomiting n her just looking after me etc etc.. and if she pats me on the back or something i always vividly remeber where she touched me and i touch myself in that exact place again on my arm or something and remeber her doing it and smile. i hate the fact that i do this - it is embarrassing. i love talking to her after school and in lessons and jokin with her an stuff i treasure every minute of it and hope to be as good a teacher as she is when im older. However, i just admire her from afar (although i always talk to her and find everything out about her like i know roughly where she lives and her birthday/husband/kids/pet etc) and although i love her to bits i dont act on it like you have done - i strongly have the urge to but i restrain myself hard as it is sometimes. i also got her phone number and i know the town she lives in but i dont go there to try and find her house or anything - tho it is tempting lol but i wouldnt do that to her. i also like you love having the power of having her number but would never use it. basically i could just rewrite your essay lol so i wont but almost everything youve said there i experience too - like i hang on to her every word and the phrases she uses i use all the time too - i saw her eat a pack of rolos at break once, and now i always eat rolos. etc i could go on. Sometimes i almost pretend i am her. I could as i say rewrite your essay - everything you say i am exactly yhe same - but i am hetrosexual definitely lol. Can i just take this opportunity to thank you again as i have never been able to tell anyone this and it feels soooo good to let it out to someone lol. you are'nt alone, just remember that :) Just if you cant let go - allow yourself to copy her dress sense/personality etc and fantasise at home but carry on talking to her normally at school and as i say just admire from afar. good luck and thanks again xxxxx
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reader, nicole5178 +, writes (22 March 2008):
 I don't think she knows. I mean, I know if a female friend started talking to me about my personal life, or said she knew where I lived, I wouldn't think she had romantic feelings for me. Heterosexual people tend to assume everyone is heterosexual, unless it's balantly obvious (ie: gay pride parade, etc.)
I also think that you are obsessed with her, but not to a bad extent--you're nearly that bad extent, but it's common if you're in love. When I was 13, I thought my band director was my first and only true love (lol) and I used to call his voicemail line at the school to hear his voice on the message recording every once and a while. That was creepy, but natural. Frued describes wanting to watch and follow people as natural instincts that society's ethics force us to supress. So don't think that you're the only one who does these types of things, b/c plenty of other people do to.
If things are normal between you and her, then just let them be normal. I'll tell you the truth: from the sounds of her marriage, she's not going to be leaving her husband anytime soon, especially for a woman. Just be her friend and enjoy the feeling of being in love. Keep in mind that nothing's going to come of it, so just ride out the feeling. There are many other people in the world past your high school, and one of them is probably better than her anyway.
...Hope that helped you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone. Good luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Hi hun, maybe I can help you with a difference perspective. I'm forty-something, and I have a major girl crush on a professor who I met taking a class at the local college. But we are both forty-ish. I'm married, so is she, and yet I feel I'm in love with her for many of the reasons you feel in love. These types of crushes are very common for us women, strike us hard when we least expect them, and easily arise from the erotics of a teaching/mentor relationship. Your problem is that you are stalking her, and being under age, she cannot not "normalize" a true friendship with you. A good teacher can spot these crushes a mile away, so believe me, she knows about you, she is dealing with you as appropriately as she can. My teacher/mentor and I are quickly become close friends because we can, because of where we are in our lives now. I want to tell her how much I love her and adore her, but to a certain extent she, being a great and popular teacher, she knows already, and I try to focus on normalizing our relationship as a truely close friendship. Once you turn 18 and are no longer her student, you can work on a more normal mentorship or friendship with this older woman, if she's agreeable. You need to quit stalking her home, her family, her personal life, and keep your relationship on campus friendly but professional. Don't jeopardize her career as a teacher. Let her invite you into her life, once she is not responsible for you as a teacher. I control my immense infatuation, almost sexual attraction, for my teacher/mentor by cultivating our friendship while keeping balance in my other personal relationships. You need to do the same, and you can. What you "feel" is normal and healthy, but your actions are not. Controlling your behavior is part of growing up. Develop other friends and relationships, make her part of your life, but not all of it. And remember, whether you feel you are gay, bi or straight, women need other women. It's just the way we are.
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reader, hot4teacher +, writes (21 March 2008):
hot4teacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for your advice. I have actually tried putting myself in her shoes, and yeah, it seems weird. And she must know I like her. She just doesn't know I'm gay nor think it, so she might take it even worse than. And as for not talking about fantasies... Well, I just didn't mention them but I do have them. I go off into another land in class looking at her body. I have dreams of her that have even disturbed me early on when I wasn't quite sure. I'm actually pretty embaressed to talk about "fantasies" so to say, so I guess that's why I didn't mention them. As for moving on, I feel as thought I can't. I even tried to not talk about her for A DAY. I failed miserably. Its quite sickening, I know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Hi after reading what I can only call an essay! lol I personally dont think u love your teacher in a partner to partner relationship way, (non-sexual) way at least. U don't write about any fantasies u feel about the two of you or about how u wish u could be with her.
U said yourself u wont ever be together and that she is married with a young child. I would tried to place yourself in her position (I think she might know your fond of her) mayb just back off like the other post said dont send presents, I think u may just be confusing friendship with love. Good luck and move on
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reader, hot4teacher +, writes (21 March 2008):
hot4teacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice. It's been quite a few months now since the so called "meeting". That was back in November, and now it is March so everything is fine there. She acts like it never happened and we are pretty much back to "normal" I guess. The only thing is, now that I know how she felt about it, I'm so much more cautious and I always have a feeling like Ah, does she know what I'm thinking... or something like that. As for confusing the two, I really think I am in love with her. When I am in a relationship with anyone shes the one I am thinking about. It's horrible. And I guess that's why I'm not good with relationships. Because I can't get her off my mind log enough to have a normal one. And usually the other person gets fed up with it. As for the gifts... I have gotten her a Christmas present for three years now, I mean I never thought it was weird... All my life I have gotten basically ALL of my teachers gifts, when I came to high school it was only her. But this year I gave another teacher a gift (one I completely do not have feelings for might I add). So I guess I feel weird NOT giving her a gift, like, after this meeting I wasn't sure what to do and I thought that if I didn't it would look weird and she'd definitely know that I was getting them because I liked her... like that. So I ended up getting her this key chain thing from a boutique and, it sounds stupid now, but paper clips. They were Italian ones though and she had commented that she loved them when i put them on my papers. So I ordered her some. She really loves them and I always somehow can't stop smiling when I see her use them, same as when I saw she uses my key chains. I don't really know anymore. Ah. Also I just sit here and go OMG what if she finds this, she will so know who I am haha. Ah.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): hi,
i know how you feel i am obssesed with my english teacher im always thiking about her and talking about her. and as you said i think she gets prettier everyday. i talk to her after lessons alot we have quite alot in common except from the age :( she is just the most amazing teacher ever. if i was you i would just act yourself and say sorry for over reacting (crying) but i dont think its over reacting cause i would cry. and hopefully you will carry on talking like you used to and get on with each other. dont get her any presents (i did once but wished i hadnt) and try not to get obssesed with her again and think of other things thats what i do and it mostly works. sometimes if you like someone you might get your feelings mixed up. e.g if you realy liked someone as a freind you might think do i realy like them as a freind or do i fancy them just dont get your feelings mixed up as that can sometimes happen.
i hope this will be some good.
if you want you can talk to me!!!
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