A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm destroyed. My exbf proposed to his valentine today and it wasn't me. How do I put back the pieces of my broken heart? Last year he proposed to me but I blew him off because he revolved his world around me which made me look at him like a weakling and donked all over him. I can't live with my mistake. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't find another him and I've went out with lots of guys after I ripped out his heart. He's gone and I can't face it!!!!
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 i think the reality you have to see here is that if it were still you with him you would still probably think he was that same 'weakling'. he was not right for you and that is why you did not want him. probably you have not met anyone as attentive as him since, but this does not mean you should be with him.
get on with your life, move on and let him do the same
xx
A
female
reader, SusieQ79 +, writes (15 February 2011):
I have to be brutal here and ask: Did you want him back BEFORE he proposed to the other girl?
Or do you just want him now because you can't have him?
He has obviously moved on and found someone who appreciates him. You are now feeling left out.
Perhaps you assumed he would come running back to you, in which case I can only assume you would have accused him of being needy and weak.
Its a typical case of wanting what you can't have. If you really wanted him, you would have done something about it earlier.
The good side is, it'll pass and you WILL get over it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Your ex seems like a nice guy and it’s evident that you can’t respect a nice guy. You want a man thats more dominant. Well, guess what - a dominant man is not likely to have his world revolve around you, pamper you and give you lots of attention. It’s easy to see how being the center of attention and in control of a relationship would be the best thing that has ever happened to you. You don’t respect him and even if you could get him back, you probably would loose respect and dump him again. So why not accept that you were not really attracted to him and move on? There are lots of nice guys out there who would change their lives to please a woman, but you should be able to see by now that they are probably not right for you. You can’t love or marry a guy you don’t respect so stop looking for guys like your ex.It’s quite selfish to think that your heart is the one that broken when you basically laughed at your ex after he proposed. Ironically, it takes guts to even propose to a woman, not to mention doing it again with another woman without having your self-worth shot after being rejected and “donked”.I commend your ex for not getting discouraged and finding a woman who appreciates him for who he is. He would be a total idiot to take you back and you may even respect him less if he did. Accept that he wasn’t the right man for you and move on. Do anything you need to get him out of your mind and think about what kind of guy you can really live with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): It's really hard to sink all the way to the bottom, and have to get all the way back up to the top again. Here is how to move on from living in the past, with your focus on your ex bf and the end of that relationship, to living in the present:Acknowledge the past, and your present feelings about it: say to your ex bf: "I'm, sorry, I made a terrible mistake. You were the best thing that ever happened to me". Also, "I am sorry that there were things about you and our relationship that weren't working, which lead to us breaking up."Then, if you love him, be happy for him. "Good luck in your new relationship. I hope she is right for you, and I wish you all the best."Mourn the loss of the relationship, but don't dwell in sadness unnecessarily: "I am sad he is not part of my life, part of him wishes he wasn't gone, or that he was still with me. But he isn't. I have to be sad, say goodbye, and then move on with my life."Acknowledge where you are right now: "I am sad. I am focused on my past regret and loss of my relationship. I don't feel good about myself. I don't want to stay sad, I want to find my own happiness. I want to create my life from now on so that I am happy, create a good life doing the things I want to and spending my time with good people, and finding someone to have a great relationship with when the right time and right person come along."Take the positives: "My ex bf and past relationship had some wonderful things about them. They can show me all of the things I want and some of the things I don't want from future relationships."Start living in the present. Take baby steps. Be aware of how much time you spend in a day thinking about him or feeling sad. Know that the amount of time you spend on these things is a choice. It is good to spend some time sitting in your feelings to move through them and get over them, but if you sit too long and it gets you down which is how it sounds, its probably better to shift your focus to what is happening in your life, in the present. If it helps, you can set aside 10 minutes in your day at a specific time, like 7:45pm, to think about it and be sad. The rest of your day is for you, in the present. He has moved on, so accept that it wasn't to be, but life evolves, out of this relationship and all of the things you now realise, the next thing that is right for you will come along.
...............................
A
male
reader, nononsense +, writes (15 February 2011):
Come on! You don't want this guy. What is bothering you is that you no longer have control. Let it go! If he were to drop everything for you right now, you would blow him off like you did the last time. You will find someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Oh PULEEEEESE, get over yourself.
You simply have the buyer's remorse thing, you only want him because he's gone.
Grow up girl you aren't a child anymore and you are way too old to be acting the fool.
If you really really don't care that he is in love with someone else and has moved on, then go see him and tell him before it's too late, but don't expect him to fall to his knees like in the silly romance movies we all get fed a load of crap from.
If he has any sense at all, he will thanks, but no thanks, been there done that, it didn't work, have a nice life.
...............................
|
