A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,So I need some advice from you guys. I have a met a really wonderful guy recently. We got together at the beginning of May at Uni, unfortunately around revision period and then on June 7th following the end of term we had to separate. Because he's been so busy with all these various comittments, some holidays, some work we've not been able to see each other since then and now, we won't be seeing each other until the end of August as this is the only time he's available.I've been finding it very hard, we're five hours away from each other and he doesn't like to forward plan so, when he says it's likely he'll be comin down at a certain time, he suddenly gets a job and can't come. And when I am planning to come up in September he decides to go on holiday with his friends.I've told him I'm finding this very hard and that I don't think I can spearate for this time period again but am I being irrational? He's going to France on placement for a year in Sept 2012 - what do I do then? Everything else in our relationship is largely going wonderfully.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 UNI is not real life… it’s a special time in your life… he’s going to be gone for a year… a year is a long time in your life at this point…. How will you cope for the year he’s gone?
When he's not with you, you clearly are not a priority to him. Is this acceptable to you? Don't you think you are worth being with a man who makes you a priority all the time?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): But this LDR isn't permanent, we get to see each other all the time when back at Uni and he does contact me via skype email and phone a lot ...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Sorry but he doesn't sound like he's nearly invested in this enough to make it work. LDRs require total commitment to make them work, from both people. That means a lot of hardships, like using pretty much every available chance you have to see each other (giving up most holidays), keeping in very frequent communication with other (daily if possible), and making a huge effort to be in each others' lives as much as is possible. I am towards the end of a year apart from my boyfriend (900 miles apart), and we gave up a lot to see and talk to each other. It was the only way for it to work and it did.
If he can't make seeing you a total priority (except in cases of an emergency) then I don't see this surviving. Sorry. Chigirl is exactly right about this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2012):
Chigirl is correct.
I just finished an LDR we were 2 hours apart and it was nuts for both of us so we gave up and he gave up his entire life and moved down here losing his job, all his friends and his place to live... but we could not bear to be apart...
even when we were apart we spent 3-4 nights together most weekends... like i said it was nuts...
he's not that into you or he's lazy about relationships in general.
stop rowing this relationship boat and see what happens but I do not think there is much hope for the relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 He doesn't sound fit for a long distance relationship, and he doesn't sound like he is committed to you either, I'm sorry. If he wanted a relationship with you to work out he'd have to be willing to sacrifice some, so that he could nurture a relationship with you. Love is like a garden.. without nurturing it and taking care of it it'll die. And he definitely isn't putting much, barely anything, into this.
A long distance relationship is hard when both partners put in work. A long distance relationship is impossible when one partner refuses to plan ahead, changed his plans (the few he has) and prioritize to travel away with friends over seeing his girlfriend...
This is a dead end. Tell him to either start putting in an effort or the relationship is over. You can't go on like this, it is completely one sided. I'd be okay to be long distance if he PUT IN SOME EFFORT. I'm almost getting frustrated with your boyfriend myself. He can't be selfish like this. If he wants a relationship he needs to work for it, by planning when to meet you, STICK to his plans, and MAKE time for you and PRIORITIZE you. If he can do that then you can go long distance for a year without it being a problem. But he needs to put in more of an effort. 3-4 months needs to be a maximum of how seldom you can see each other, except if there is a situation where it is impossible to meet.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 This is just the beginning of whole lot 'why can't you take some time for me'? 'Where have you been,I'v been trying to reach you all day'? 'Your always so busy that you don't have time for me'?
Are you ready for all this,I mean I'm not saying long distance can't work it can but most of the times its very hard,considering the person would not be there for you when you need him,when your low and need a hug he won't be around to give you that..plus your boyfriend seems like the one who wouldn't make an effort from his side,so you will have to do all the work which doesn't seem right..
Either you talk to your boyfriend and tell him that your ready for this relationship only if he is ready to put an effort or else its for the better you move on..
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Long distance is hard but if you can't imagine yourselves been away from each other or you think its too hard, then I don't think there's any point in prolonging the agony what it'll be like missing each other. It sounds like he knew you was coming down to see him, but he would much rather go on holiday then see you anyway, and leave it even longer, why don't you take a trip together? Suggest that.
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