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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I need help with my self esteem, or more so, with my self image. I feel very threatened by hot women, be them in real life or on TV, movies, whatever. I'm kind, smart, funny... but I just don't feel it matters, or at leat that it matters as much, to guys.Let me explain, I remember when I first started seeing my boyfriend he'd comment on women he thought were hot, and sent me pictures and tell me how hot he thought they were, and they had big, plastic boobs, whereas I've always had small boobs. This, of course, created complex in my still young mind (I was 18 at the time), and I haven't been able to overcome it. He even said my boobs were small once, and after that I told him how I felt about all that. Now he says he doesn't like those women, that he doesn't like such big boobs, that my boobs are actually big (really? after he said they were SMALL??), that he hates implants, but I'm not stupid, and the thing I hate the most is that I feel he takes me for a fool and lies to me, expecting that I'll buy it as if I were 5 years old and he were telling me about Santa! But of course he says he has changed, but really? I doubt it, especially since I've become friends with more guys and I know how guys think.And that's the other thing, my guy friends are always going on about hot girls even if they're fake! For example we recently met a model and one of my female friends knows her and said she's had a nose job, breast and butt implants and a lot of other procedures... and all the guys were salivating over her, and after that going on and on about how perfect she was and all, and I mean, she's fake, what's the merit in that? That she has a ton of money to spend on herself? Really? Is that what society values over getting a degree or helping others? And it seems that a woman can have the face of a hog, but as long as she has big boobs, she's hot.Then there's the fact that a few of my friends have girlfriends, perfectly cute, nice girls, and yet they try cheating on them, one of them even made a move on me and when I told him I wouldn't because a) I have a boyfriend of my own and most importantly b) he has a perfectly nice, loving girlfriend, he still insisted. So even if a guy has a perfectly nice girl who loves him, they still try to cheat (or they might even do it), then maybe my boyfriend is the same? I've seen tons and tons of guys admit to such things, or lying to their girlfriends and going to strip clubs and such behind their backs, as if the fact that they pay a stripper to give them lap dances and other things made it ok and not cheating.So all these things make me feel so threatened, like if I'm not hot and cute only, then maybe I can have the greatest personality, or be the best girlfriend, but a guy will still go behind my back and cheat on me, or go to strippers or make moves on hotter women, or simply want other women more than me, be dissatisfied or wish I looked different. So yeah, I'm smart, I recently graduated with honors, I work and pay my own bills, I'm funny, charitable and loving and caring, but in the end, I fear all that pales compared to a "hot pice of T n' A", and I'm scared about being not enough, I feel inadequate and insecure and wonder what the hell I have to do to feel good and happy about myself, and to keep a man happy and satisfied and not wanting others. Help, please?
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boobs, insecure, lapdance, money, move on, self esteem, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): I feel exactly the same way.x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): I'm the OP, a couple things I want to clarify:1. The girls who these guys try to cheat on are not perfect physically, they are cute but not hot, and they are perfectly nice, kind, smart, loyal, etc. But they're not the type of girls who get a lot of guys staring, far from it. I'm like that type of girl, too.2. Even the nicest guys, are into hot girs and after them. None of my friends are hot, nor popular, and even when I've been into geeks or nerds, they still wish they could be with the super hot girl with the big boobs and ass. I never go for "hot" popular guys just because I usually find nothing in common with them, I often go for guys more "in my league" and who share similar interests, but even these guys are sex obsessed.So yeah, it's not all like you say, sadly it is all about looks it seems, and if a girl is hot a guy will even be more chivarous to her, treat her better, be more kind, etc.
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A
male
reader, momo1990  +, writes (16 July 2012):
ummm, i dont have lots of time but i'll try to help naturally girls do feel more insecured and more threatened when they are in the presence of a more attractive woman, its not something only you feel, it's the female mind, girls are much more emotional about those things than men are, they wanna have what other girls have, even if its a pair of shoes.from my own experience, - when i used to be a F'up - when i used to go to clubs and bars with a girl, other females will feel this jealous feeling,,, now that jealous feeling comes from insecurities and being threatended, they feel " oh, so what makes her better than me ?" the answer is NOTHING, not her big boobs, not her ass... you have to realise that men arent the same. Men are being labeled as the " same ", apparently the " same " is bad. but no, they're not the sameyou have to be soo happy that your values in life are soo high, now put it in ur head, that your values arent big boobs and whatnot to get men, you're much better than thatand thus, if u date a guy whose priorities in life are physical attractivness, then trust me, he isnt for you, and you're sooo much better than that ! im currenty in a relationship - long distance relationship- she isnt the prettiest girl in the world, and honestly if it will make u feel better her butt isnt that great, i could find so many other girls where i live, but no, i decide not to, i cant have sex with her, but it dont matter, not one bit .. since ive been with her i havent looked , yes LOOKED at another girl cuz of how she makes me feel, its not about looks for guys, yes they help, but not even that important, when i fell in love with my girl i didnt think she was that pretty and looks wise i know i can do better, but now to me she is the most beautifull creature in universe, why ? cuz i truely love her ... yes guys DO love a girl to look like a beauty queen, but if thats all that matters to them, then you will need to find a mature man i hope that helped in anyways
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