A
female
age
30-35,
*issynatalie1
writes:Its my cousins funeral on Friday, he was 19 and had been suffering with cancer for 18 months. We were so close and im crying my eyes out writing this. My mum really wants me to go to the funeral but I dont know if i can bear it. Any tips or help PLEASE.
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female
reader, bluecow +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Hiya hunny
I am so pleased you managed to attend and got to say your farewell's with everyone who loved him too.
HUGS xxx
A
female
reader, missynatalie1 +, writes (21 December 2011):
missynatalie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your help
I went and it really was heartbreaking but im so glad that i went.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Well no one wants to go to a funeral. I mean imagine how your Aunt and Uncle feel burying their child. It's supposed to be the other way around.
It would be nice if you could go because there is other people around you that loved your cousin too and will be there to support you during this difficult time.
IF you didn't go to the funeral, then I would visit his grave marker and say your goodbyes (not goodbye forever). I did this with a friend who I couldn't manage to attend his funeral, went to his gravesite instead and told him how much I missed him and my goodbyes. When I left the cemetery, I traded in my sadness for some inner peace.
My condolences for your loss.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Hi Hunny... sorry for your loss.
Go and say goodbye. Its his final journey and you should be there to see him off. Its not easy but no-one expects it to be. Big hugs hun in this time of loss and sadness. xx
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (12 December 2011):
hiya hun
I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is such an evil devestating disease.
Funerals are about your chance to say goodbye, and celebrate the amazing person your cousin was.
I know your distraught at the moment, and have every reason to be. A funeral is the one public event where it is appropriate for all those feelings to be on show. Everyone who is attending will be feeling your grief, however not everyone will show it.
Grief is such a personal experience and everyone reacts in different ways at different times. A funeral brings all those people together and they can all express their grief and love together. Its a very moving, personal and powerful experience. By taking part you will be able to help yourself and others in expressing your loss.
I'm going to give you some little teensy things which may just help you through the day. If there are going to be young children in attendence, then offer to help with them. Keeping them quiet (when they often dont really understand the significance of the event or ceremony) is a very good way of distracting yourself during the service. I know having my own children by my side during my grandfathers (he was like my dad) funeral in January helped me immensely.
After the service if there is a formal tea or wake - then get involved with the catering. Help to keep peoples glasses full, serving the sandwiches etc. It will keep you busy but also allow you to talk to lots of other people who loved your cousin. It will also help to ease the strain on his parents who must be going through hell right now.
Now - take plenty of tissues (enough to hand around as people always forget), wear waterproof mascara.
One of the most profound ways I have found when attending a funeral is to wear something in their favourite colour, or their favourite flower. It could be his favourite football teams colours (just an symbol, dont attend wearing the full sports strip - team colours in your hair accessory for example). My grandfather was a yorkshireman through and through - so everyone who knew him well was wearing a white rose at his funeral. It was such a personal way to say to say "we love you and we miss you".
Finally, remember a funeral is a way to celebrate a persons life. No matter how short, he has obviously touched so many people and brought love into their lives (you wouldnt be feeling this way if he hadnt). Celebrate the good times you had, reminis with family and friends about what an amazing person he was. If he was a rascal then laugh with them over some of the funny things he did. I know your laughter will be tearful and sorrowful, but I am sure he would like you to remember him as the funny lively young man he was, not just the cancer.
One day (I promise) you will be thankful that you went to the funeral, and sometime later you will be able to laugh at all his antics and remember him without tears. The greatest gift you can give him now is to remember him - its his own immortality and by attending his funeral you will be doing just that.
All my best wishes,
Bluecow xxxx
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Hun, why would you not go? Because you can't keep your composure? What's wrong with that? It's a sad occasion, your crying is appropriate. You loved him, you will be with others who loved him. You will cry together. And then you will laugh together over memories you share about him. And then you'll cry again. It's awful that he's gone, but you'll heal together because you all miss him.
Go to the funeral -- it's the place for all that emotion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): First, let me say that I'm really, really sorry for your loss.Secondly, you should go. If you're worried about crying and breaking down during the funeral, then take a lot of tissues with you, and try not to think ahead of time about how you might not be able to bear it. The whole point of a funeral is to say goodbye to someone you loved. It's hard to do, no one wants to do it, and it's not something anyone is ever really prepared for--especially in this case, when your cousin died so young. Funerals give the mourners the opportunity to express their grief with others who are feeling the same way. Being together with other people who miss your cousin can be comforting and even therapeutic.It may be really hard for you, but ultimately you may realize it was the right thing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your cousin at such a young age. I can understand that you don't know if you can bare the funeral, they are a hard thing to deal with. Funerals are a chance for us to say farewell to those people that we love, even though it is difficult. We go to funerals to celebrate the life that they had, and show our love for them. I am sure you are stronger than you think you are, your Mum just doesn't want you to regret not attending the funeral. It will be difficult, but your family will be there to help you through. You need to do what is right for you. I hope this helps in some way. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Go. Trust me, you will regret it if you don't. Not only is it proper for someone to go to a funeral or a loved one to pay respects for that person, you will regret the last chance to see your cousin, at least for a while. What I mean is, one day, perhaps far into the future or closer than you think, you will see your cousin again. I firmly believe in God, or that there is at least something out there. I have had several experiances in my life to prove it. I also believe every religion is a path to heaven, or the whatever afterlife exists. One day you'll see them again. But for now, go to the funeral, and instead of goodbye, say until we meet again. Good luck.
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