A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:I find myself in a tricky situation. Im 7 wks pregnant to a guy ive been with for 5 months hes loves me totally but im not sure i feel the same.i feel something but not sure what. Getting pregnant has been a shock an accident. Ive been single for 3 yrs and have a 5 yr old daughter from a previous 5 yr relationship. Ive brought her up on my own but was hoping for the day i met that man who would look after and take care of me which this man is. Hes loyal. Caring. Trusting. Everything ive wanted. But i just dont what to do. I wanted to spend time getting to know him let it develop. As ive been in a mental and verbally relationship before and it really made me depressed and on the verge of a breakdown. Anyone who knows me know ive been longing for a baby for a long time i just havent had anyone. And then this happens! So i should be really happy but im feeling down about it. because i dont want to have this baby and it dont work out and then ive got 2 kids by two dads and i would be a single mum again. Im going to the docs tomorrow as im 7 wks pregnant and have up to 8 wks to have an abortion pill as i couldnt go through with an surgical abortion.i dont know what to do help!
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female
reader, keisha1010  +, writes (5 November 2010):
I am in the same boat. The man I am pregnant by I have only know for six months. I am two months pregnant, he is deployed to Iraq and I conceived the night he deployed. And although I like him, our relationship is too new for a baby. My oldest child is five and I take care of him all by myself. So I am curious to know how is this working out for you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Hi, I know you may have already made your mind up but I think it is important to concider first yourself and secondly your daughter. I have just found out I am 5 weeks and I have chosen for many reasons to not go through with it. It's a very hard decision to make. Like yourself my partner and I have only been together a short while and although I know I am capable of being a first time mum at 26 he is not ready to be a farther. I did not want it to end my relationship that is so wonderful. I don't want to do it alone or put un needed stress on a new relationship. If you are not 100% on this you need to think carefully. Remember it's not the last chance in life to have another child. It is not a selfish act to not proceed. Don't beat yourself up over it either way. You are human and have a right to feel stressed out. If you go ahead it may be hard just mentaly prepare yourself and be aware of all the possibilites. Being alone, finances, As much as you can take advise from family or your partner it is your choice. Good luck and I know either way you go things will be great for you.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I think that this was meant to happen. You said so yourself that you've wanted a baby, but never had anyone, and now you do. From what you say it sounds like this man really loves you. I think you are letting your fears and worries get to you as well. Let me tell you something. I had been in an 8 month relationship with a man that didn't treat me very well, but what can I say... I was 19 and I loved him. On my birthday... february 9th of last year I found out I was pregnant. I turned 20 that day and I knew at that point I could not care for a baby. I was living on my own and the man I was with was emotionally not ready to be a father. I had decided to give the baby up for adoption, but my mother and my boyfriend encouraged and pressured me to take the abortion pill... I was waiting to go to the doctor I knew I couldn't have a surgical abortion, so I was trying to just play it off by pretending it was too late to take the pill abortion... well the cut off for me was 9 weeks and my mom had been down visiting, and she said oh lets go to the doctor I can be your support andwe can get "this taken care of" and of course I went because I thought I'd waited long enough to not have to take the abortion pill. Lucky me... I was 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant... I was one day short... and could not muster up the courage to tell my boyfriend I was no0t going to do it... I did it and went through it... on march 10th. I did it for the wrong reasons, but thoguht maybe I did the right thing... Going through it was mentally and physically horrible, everything was horrible. I couldn't help but think I killed my baby... even though at first I really was okay with everything, but then on the day of " bleeding it out" it was just awful. I should mention now that at the time the my doctor had told me twice that I could not get pregnant due to things that happened in my past. Well after I'd had the abortion... I was then again told that I would nver be able to get pregnant and that was just a fluke chance. ( My bf and I had been aving unprotected sex because they had said I was not able to get pregnant. Well I'd had the abortion March 10th, and my boyfriend moved in with his mom two weeks later stating that he needed space. Two weeks after we broke up. My friend that had also just gotten out of a horrible relationship and I got together, very, very fast. Much faster than I ever intended. My bf and I had broken up around the 14th of April and Brian and I got together around the 18th, we also ended up having sex, and yes it was absolutely for all the wrong reasons on my part... I was trying to forget my ex. I know it was ridiculous... anyways the condom ended up breaking... I had NEVER had a condom break before. We found out I was pregnant on the 13th of May. I was not about to have another abortion, but I knew I couldn't keep the baby... or so I thought. A year later, I am now 21 and Brian and I are doing wonderful. I also just had a beautiful baby boy on Jan. 24th! And while the way we got to this point was certainly not ideal in the least I wouldn't trade where I'm at now for anything in the world. ( And I DID end up telling the doctors to screw themselves because after I had the baby they told me for the 4th time that I would not be able to get pregnant and I got pregnant twice before after they said that very thing.) I had my doubts and fears but what I thought was the worst thing that could have happened is now the best. I can also tell you that having the abortion was far more painful than labor ( I had a natural child birth, and the pill abortion really was MORE painful than labor, it was also emotionally painful and damaging... I still have a hard time with it. I hope you will read this and take this in for what its worth. I'm not saying you should do what I did... I made reckless decisions back then... but take this in stride, there was a reason I got pregnant, so close together espcially when I had used protection with Brian... I think there's a reason why you are too. But make your decisions carefully. If you can't go through with the pregnancy then you can't. But please go away with what I've said. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I think you need to keep your baby. I promise you will regret it if you take that pill. ill tell you why im 21 and have three kids there by the same dad but he dont want to marry me so i feel the same im a single mom. When i was 18 i took that pill because i was so scared of bein a mom of three an single. I regret it so bad. God will not let you have a baby if you couldnt handle it. with or without a man! I ended up getting pregnant 2 months after i took the pill. before you go to the doctor tomorrow pray to god and tell him your scared i promise you he will reassure you.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 Oh my" this is really tough'" first of all you must not think that being a single mum wid 2 kids and 2 father's is shame. No its not" i actually admire a women who can do and handle that situation. But yes, i really do understand what you mean and what you feel. so i would say, if you really dont want to continue dis baby inside of you then better make a quick decision. dont wait so long, Because this baby is not getting smaller, its getting bigger. and if you do an abortion, pls. pls, dont feel guilty at all. Life is already hard enough to put more stress on you. And you are just doing the best for you and for the everybody else. I wish you goodluck and hopefully you make everything ok.. goodluck..
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female
reader, CaliMoore +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Everyone has their situations, and no one should be quick to judge anyone as no ones perfect. First thing forget about the assumptions and views of having '2 children, by 2 dads'. - That doesnt matter, that is the least of your worries.
You already have a child, and currently on your way to recieving another. Think about the pros and cons of your situation, will you and your daughter be taken care of? can you afford a second child? will the father - your current partner take responsibility and help to provide for his child as you will? After having your first child, could you really abort what could be another blessing? think about the consequences. And not just about rather having this child fits into your current lifestyle.
You may have your doubts about your feelings for him as none of this was planned, which is a natural way to feel. After having a child, and longing for a second for so long; if i were in your position i would keep the second child, and go out of my way to make the extra effort to build on your relationship with your current partner, i know it isn't the most ideal situation as the pregnancy wasn't planned but as adults it was your own responsibility, you got yourself into this situation (along with your partner) and you should be grown up enough to accept it and be mature enough to handle it and work with what you've got.
Good luck i hope this helps, keep in touch and let me know how you get on :) x
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Hi there.
This is a tough decision as you only have a short time to decide if you want an abortion. You really have to look inside yourself and search your soul to make your decision.
You have only known your boyfriend for a relatively short amount of time, but not so short that he is a stranger. You describe him as a wonderful, decent man and you say a lot of good things about him. I'd suggest talking to him about the decision if you havn't already. He might be able to reassure you that he will stand by you whatever you decide and by your child whatever happens to your relationship in the future, if he is the decent man you describe. You don't have to deal with this alone, share the burden with your partner.
You really need to decide if you could live with the decision to abort whatever happens. You need to think of the worse case scenario either way and work out which you'd be most happy living with? If you stay with your partner for a long time in the future, you could feel regret and guilt. Do you think you could cope with this?
If you have the child and this man leaves you and wont look after the child, could you be a single mother to another child?
You say you've been longing for a baby for a long time, is it really important that this is with a man you are in a long term, committed relationship with?
You need to ask yourself all these questions and look within your heart as well as your head because it will be your emotions that will have to cope. The most important thing is that you can live with the decision. If you could get the abortion and move on without too much guild and regret then that may be the best thing to do if security is important to you having another child. If not then there is nothing wrong with being a single parent to children of differnt fathers. As long as those children are happy and you do right by them.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, RomanticsRomantic +, writes (1 March 2010):
 did you talk to the father about this. it could destoy the relationship if he finds out you aborted his child without talking to him first
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