A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, I was wondering if someone could help me in this confusing time. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me for very odd reasons. I support her through everything she does and tell her I love you everyday and that she is beautiful everyday, no one can figure out why she is doing this.Ok, now here is the confusing part. This all happened on sunday night. I found texts in her phone that were inappropriate and first when I went to just go and use the phone, she attacked me! I have scrapes and bruises from her trying to get the phone back from me. So I knew something was up. So she left and went to her sisters house and the very next day she came back to my house to *talk* and well we ended up having sex. And I did not instigate it is the messed up thing! Now, she says there is no chance at all of getting back together, but here is the all time confusing part of it. I asked her if I could just come and hang out with her because shes still a good friend, and we ended up having sex again! But this time, she asked me to *come* inside her... And then we were ok after that and she said if she does happen to be pregnant she wants to marry me and everything! Well now, she went to live with her aunt for 2 weeks and is acting even stranger. This past sunday night she said she would call me when she was on her way to the movies and stuff with her aunt and uncle. I kept waiting, and I texted her a couple times and was like hey butthead! where you at? or something like hello? what happened? Needless to say I got worried when she didnt reply to me at all and it was 1:30 a.m. Then I just kept calling and calling to try and get her to answer so I knew she was ok. And she finally picked up the phone and I asked her, hey whats up? Didnt ya hear me calling? and what happened about tonight? And she had nothing to tell me at all about it. She just said yea I know im sorry.I then asked her if there was a real reason she wasnt calling me back. and I told her to not be afraid and tell me because its ok, I can take it. And she swore up and down that there is nothing going on. But then she started getting frustrated and crying and she blamed it on missing her family up here. (she lives 2 hours away now).Is there something going on? I am having a hard time cracking this code... And if there is, then why would we try for a baby and her telling me she wants to marry me if we do?? Im just so confused.. She always uses the excuse, you have to let me spread my wings! and I do respect that but this is so confusing and its depressing me to no end!If I do have a child with her I want us to be together and take care of it. I still love her with all my heart and want to be with her, and she tells me that her heart wants me but her mind says no. And she also said shes trying to figure out what she needs to do, not what she wants to do. Confuses me even more! Please give me input and god, maybe we can figure this out...
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female
reader, kissyheart  +, writes (2 March 2010):
i will just suggest you one thing stop talkng to her i know it sounds easy and difficult to do but atleast think that she doesnt evn respects you thats why she is spreading all this nonsense about you.you will find the right girl who truly deserves you and this chick she surely doesnt.just give yourself some time and things are gonna be fine.try avoiding her even you have some self respect you cant let her do all these things to you..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Step #1. Grow a brain and stop having sex with her right now. Protected or not, STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
Step #2. If she does get pregnant, do not believe that child is really yours without a DNA test. I don't care if you and her eventually kiss & make up before the child is born. With these circumstances surrounding the conception, you would be an idiot to sign that birth certificate without DNA proof.
If you sign on as the father at the time of birth, then the govt will hold you liable for that child's support even if a DNA test eventually proves that the child is not really yours later on. Even if you and her divorce, move to different states, and the DNA test says it's not yours, you will STILL be held liable to make child support payments for 18 years.
Yes, this really does happen to some men in the United States in 2010. Don't get burned by your own desire to make things work out for the best. Because "the best" includes more than just giving a child two parents. It also includes protecting your own self against 18 years of being screwed if things eventually go bad.
Get it? DNA proof first, your signature second.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Don't understand most of your post.. but in American I know this is illegal and immoral. This would explain her strange behaviour..
We don't have the same rule here in Britain.. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust found it she did stuff with her first cousin... Wow. That shocked me to hell. And now her whole family thinks im an asshole because she told them a whole different story... omg....
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
Yes, yes, please don't loose your head. You need to think rationally about this whole situation. All you can do is ask her what's wrong and if she refuses to tell... well...This is not a relationship you can stay in, if you have no idea what's going on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 March 2010):
There is a high probability that she has cheated on you. Not always does having a period mean that a woman is not pregnant. This could be a trap. Whatever happens, this would be best ended, because to actually attack you once you've found inappropriate texts would indicate she has cheated and is desperately trying to cover her tracks. This could also be why she wanted to have unprotected sex, to try and get pregnant to trap you. Whatever happens, your safest bet is NOT to stay with her. If she is pregnant, make sure you get a DNA test. The thought of losing her might hurt, but it's better than staying and ending up as her punch bag while she cheats or something.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Miamine has very keen observation. She may already be pregnant with someone else's baby. Much of her behavior smacks of some sort of abuse or her being taken advantage of chemically through drugs or other such coercive devices. BE supportive but keep your head in this. It is easy to get pulled into the emotions but dangerous if you do not know what is really going on. You could end up in a situation that could spiral out of control very quickly. Regardless of how much you love this woman you will be in no shape to love anyone if your life is faced with dire and irrevocable consequences. Given the sudden, unexplainable behavior, I suspect a pregnancy will be the least of your concerns should you interject yourself too far into this unbalanced equation. Just be wary of your own emotions in this. Think first.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
"I found texts in her phone that were inappropriate and first when I went to just go and use the phone, she attacked me! I have scrapes and bruises from her trying to get the phone back from me."
Inappropriate texts, attacking you???? This dosen't sound right at all.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
"And she also said shes trying to figure out what she needs to do, not what she wants to do."
Something is going on in that girls head, she's not happy, she sounds very worried. Ok, lets count out the pregnancy. Your going to have to go and see her and tell her your worried about her. It might not even be something that she's done, maybe her parents are having troubles, maybe it's something to do with a girlfriend. Please go and tell her that you notice her behaviour has changed and you need to know what's going on.
You may not loose her, listen to what she has to say first, then go from there. If she won't talk to you, then encourage her to talk to her mother or one of her girlfriends. For some reason, and I may be wrong, I just feel she needs someone to help and support her. Don't do the sex thing or at least use protection, your relationship is in no state for a baby right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, that thought did go through my head... What if she is cheating? But she was on her period 3 days before us doing any of this... So I know shes not pregnant.. But, if she is cheating, I dont know what I am going to do to let her go. This whole thing is crushing me and I feel depressed all the time... My heat skips a beat everytime she texts me and I am all hung up on her... Just the thought of losing her kills me inside..
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
I think your girlfriend is cheating on you, I also think she's pregnant for someone else. The reason why she is so keen to have sex without protection, is that she is gonna tell everyone it's yours and force you to marry her. Be very careful young man, don't have sex with this woman again for several months, until you are very sure.
ps: She may not have cheated, somebody may have forced her. Whatever her reasons are, this is one scared lady who is trying to cover her tracks and is using you to do that.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (1 March 2010):
 For your sake, I sincerely hope that she's not pregnant. If she is, all this going to do is introduce even more confusion into your already confused situation.
Assuming that she's not pregnant, I would really recommend backing out of this relationship all together. She doesn't seem to have her act together and at the very least, is acting inconsistently. There may be no real way to find out what's going on in her head so I would say stop spending the energy trying. There are many (MANY) cases of relationships where one person is more dedicated than the other... and it seems like you're the dedicated one. That said, I really think you need to regain the order in your life by leaving her alone and becoming unavailable to her... and just chalk up that you're not really going to be able figure out what happened here. I'm sorry, but that's what I honestly think. You're better off without all these games.
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A
female
reader, kissyheart +, writes (1 March 2010):
well you should try talking things with her i guess she is pretty confused right now in what she wants to do.maybe something is bothering her just try to comfort her and if she needs space pls give her.
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