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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is very insecure about himself, how can I make him get past all his problems??Hi, I'm 15 years old..and I have a boyfriend who's 17. We've talked to each other for about 5 months now and we love each other. He is my first love and I met him through a friend of mine......*cough* online... He's so humble and shy..its hard to make him be more confident in himself. I'm attracted to shy guys and I really want to open him up. Prior to this relationship, he had a horrible breakup.He has told me that his ex was almost exactly like me. And they were together for 4 months. They were madly in love and even talked about marriage. Believe it or not, it was an online relationship. He has met this girl 3-4 times, which makes me wonder how can he even talk about marriage that early in the relationship , and it was online! He was so happy, until his ex cheated on him. Cheated as in..having sex w/ another guy. This made him go through a serious depression. He started not to care about his skin, not caring about his grades..let his hair grow out..it was bad. That was about 2 years ago..then he met me. Since then he has recovered and gotten back on track but still feels insecure. When I heard about it I was sooo shocked because it deeply hurt him. Now that he's with me..he thinks it might happen again. So now, he's taking things slow..which I don't mind considering what happened before this. My questions is, how do I make him more..confident about himself? Ya know, make him rid the past and start anew? I tried talking to him, but all I said was..it's OK, and I'll love him and wait for him until he's more comfortable. I want to help him be less..worryful. I'd have the best feeling in my life if I made him feel like he's bettered himself and leave behind what happened in the past. I'm madly in love w/ him...how can I communicate and help him??Cee
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
Firstly, have you met him face to face and spent time with him? If not then he could just be using the 'shy , insecure' thing to make you feel sorry for him.
It would scare me if someone told me that i was almost exactly like their ex, i would be thinking "is he trying to replace her?" also, it doesnt sound like it was any sort of a relationship if it was conducted online!
As far as making him feel more confident about himself, this is something he needs to do himself. You can help him along by making him aware that you are always there for him to talk to if he has any worries.
A
female
reader, bigsister +, writes (7 August 2005):
Cee, for a shy insecure guy, he was proposing at fifteen? Whoa, most guys don't even date at that age! Why not take it slow, and let him get to know and trust you and see what happens? I don't think he can get rid of the past, but with time and trust, I think he can get to trust you, and that is what counts.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (7 August 2005):
No matter what, he's not gonna forget about that girl. We all live in the shadow of the past. That said, your man is gonna get over it in time. You don't have to give him therapy or a motivational speech. All you need to do is stay where you are, and if you're there long enough, he'll start to see that it's very likely you won't ditch him. You've only been there one month more than his heart breaker, so he's still got some fear. His confidence in what he has with you grows every day you're there for him.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 Hey Cee, My advice to you is this...let him have his time. He alone knows how much time he needs and how he needs to work his stuff out. Sure you can be there supporting him and showing him that you are not his ex in any way..but that is all you can do. YOu can't make someone think a certain way...the best way to show him that he can trust you is by your actions. However, remember that it is odd still that you too met online and that in itself poses alot of insecurities. You may not have them but he does. Just let him be for a bit. Don't harp on the conversation or the fact that he is feeling that way...just follow his vibe so to speak. If he does not bring it up...you don't either....good luck ana
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