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female
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anonymous
writes: I am re-posting this question as the last one didn't get an answer. I am desperate for some advice as I see this guy tonight and am worried because he wants a cuddle and I won't know where to stop and I haven't established if i'm his friend or girlfriend yet; even a brief cuddle with a guy would be enough to turn me on for sex. All my thoughts of holding off on sex go out the window because I get too carried away!!! Despite loads of offers from guys, I have only slept with one guy in my life and fooled around with another 3 (i am 30); I think it's because I don't like my loss of willpower so soon into a relationship. So, here's the question again:- I have been very close friends with this guy for 4 months, although I have known him forever. (he is younger than me). I am not sure how I stand with him. We definitely both fancy each other like crazy, but there has been nothing physical yet. When we returned home from an evening out recently, he asked me what I looked for in a guy so I am thinking he’s interested in me being his girlfriend. Then a week or so later, he referred to me as a friend which is fair enough as he hasn’t actually asked me out as his girlfriend. However, this evening he sent me a lovely message that ended by asking if it would be ok if we had a cuddle next time we saw each other as he was feeling a bit low right now. Am I right in saying this - that friends might hug but a cuddle strikes me as something a boyfriend/girlfriend would do? I feel confused - does he see me as his friend or his girlfriend? A bit of ‘fun’ or something more serious? He is very shy and sensitive and I don’t want to scare him off by trying to have an in depth conversation about whether we’re friends or girlfriend/boyfriend. I am quite shy myself and would welcome suggestions as to how to bring this subject up. I am thinking that the things he has been asking me suggests that he wants me to be his girlfriend but is too shy to ask outright. I need to know one way or the other though; I definitely don’t want to end up drifting into a ‘friends with benefits’ scenario which I think it is in danger of doing if we don’t clarify things.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 It sounds like potentially the beginning of a great relationship. Just be clear with him that if you are going to become more intimate then you have conditions, whatever these are, eg: girlfriend / boyfriend, monogomous exclusive relationship, and so on.
Yes its tough to bring this kind of stuff up. Perhaps you can say some things like 'How do you feel about relationships, what kind of relationships do you like, how do you think people should behave in relationships?' and so on. You can have a general conversation about what you are both looking for without it necessarily feeling like you are putting him (or you) on the spot.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (4 May 2006):
 He wants to be with you!! Let him make the first move as he's shy, that way he will feel confident and manly. A cuddle suggests more than a hug. A cuddle is more intimate in my opinion. Try if you can to just keep it to cuddling though...unless he wants more. As you have built a good friendship these last few months, it could be time to move things to the next level...let him take the lead. It sounds like the friendship has naturally progressed to more which is great. Just chill out and enjoy each others company, don't mention to him about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing, there's no need, might scare him off a bit...so carry on and see how it goes. Not sure if that helps, take care and good luck!! x
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A
female
reader, Sis6372 +, writes (4 May 2006):
Good Question, I see this happen to my friends a lot. He may just want to be friends with benefits but I doubt it. If that was the case he'd have been long gone by now. It sounds to me like he likes you but he's just trying to take it slow. What I would do is sit back and wait. I'd also let him know that you care about him and its not just a fling to you so that he knows where you stand. He will decide from there what to do, although I think he will feel the same, you'll never know unless you r patient. I know its hard, I had to do that with my boyfriend, after 4 months I still wasn't sure where we stood but I told him what I was feeling, an dthat I wasn't into sleeping around. Now we live together and I take care of his children, I'm thankful that I said something (but I didn't say too much). Just be careful not to get mad if he's not sure what he wants, if your calm then he'll be like hey she's cool, this is alrught, and he'll be able to decide his feelings on his own, if you push he may get scared and run away. Just be honest, and GOOD LUCK on whatever you do.
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