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female
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anonymous
writes: Six months ago my husband cheated on me with a prostitute, once he said but he actually phoned and booked an appointment it wasn't a spur of the moment out with the lads type of thing. I was totally shocked and he told me because he thought he had caught something. We have two young children and a huge mortgage with debts as well. The problem is I cannot forgive him for the deceipt, we constantly argue and I do not want to sleep with him. We never kiss or cuddle and havn't done for years. He wants to keep working at this loveless marriage but I am finding it harder and harder. I only stay because of the children and finances but feel life is passing me by and feel so lonely. Should I just bite the bullit and tell him we must split.
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cheated on me, debt, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): I too think it's gross but for goodness sake don't go thinking he'd prefer a prostitute to you. That's nonsense. I can assure you he'd much prefer a loving relationship with you, she was just an escape. If he had looked for someone to love and have a relationship with then you would be hurting even more. As it is he paid for a moment of comfort because he's lonely. ...Didn't you say you were lonely too?
Get help, if it works out you could heal together, if it doesn't you will be preparing the way for a proper separation and your kids will cope if you both love them.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (4 May 2006):
 I like to believe that all things can come together for good, but my dear if your fella cheated on you with a prostitute, I believe that you should tell him you must split. You are clearly not happy. If you stay in a loveless marriage its useless, it will profit you nothing. What would be useful as someone has rightly suggested in their answer is to perhaps have some counselling because I dont want to sit here and tell you that you should divorce your husband because I not advocate divorce as such, but I am not married so I dont know how you are feeling, but my dear, please think long and hard. You have been treated very badly and you did not deserve to be cheated on. I hope you can work things out.
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A
female
reader, Scrummy bum! +, writes (4 May 2006):
 Okay sweety you really need to think about yourself aswell as your children. i know you dont want to hurt them but dont you think its gonna hurt them growing up knowing mummy and daddy dont really love each other anymore. plus you deserve so much more.Yeah he cheated on you, dont take this the wrong way but he paid for it as well, does he think that there is something with you?? he chose to cheat on you with a prostitute!! its gross!! hes not worth it at all. find your self someone better!! good luck. please let me knnow what happens!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): I think you may benefit from counselling, even if you go on your own. It will help you decide whether there is any thing left to save of your marriage, and help you deal with the anger over the prostitute. the fact that he told you indicates that he is calling out for help. he really wants to do something about your relationship. Your children deserve one final go at saving their family life. You may even discover why you have been so unhappy for so long. Your husband has been unhappy too. He handled that badly. Really badly. If he had gone to someone for help he may not have made that stupid mistake. The fact that he thought it through before he made the appointment means he genuinley thought he had no other solution to his pain. Stupid selfish man, now you both have to pick up the pieces. Do you know, this happened to me, We did rebiuld our marriage and during a recent holiday I looked at my kids and I realised I made the right decision, we really are a family again. Give it one more go but don't battle with this on your own, each stage of anger and hurt needs to be dealt with. I wish you luck, courage and strength, and when it all resolves itself, I wish you Love...Carlene
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