A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do i deal with a hypocrite mother-in-law and still have a great relationship with my spouse?he loves me and his mom and would want me and her to have a good relationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Of course I meant "beyond REproach."
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (30 August 2007):
Take the high road. Be warm and polite, but don't extend yourself. Don't talk trash about her, even when she's doing it to you.
What you're after is an obvious comparison of how reasonable you are to how un-reasonable she is. Deep breath. Eventually your spouse will have your back once it's clear that you won't rise to her bait.
Many years ago, before my parents divorced, the two of them used to make public digs about each other (in front of each other) to other people. My mother decided (all on her own) that she was going to stop. The next time they went out Dad kept up the pattern but she just kept quiet. He looked like a colossal horse's ass in comparison. (To this day she says it's the meanest thing she did to him [grin].)
Take the high road. It's sometimes a mean thing to do, lol, but it's effective and beyond approach.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I suggest lots of deep breaths. My mother in law had the incredible ability to telephone at the most importune times and it drove me up the wall. But we did end up being very close. Try to remember she was the co-creator of the man you love, so if it weren't for her you wouldn't have him. Remember lots and lots of deep breaths.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Thats a tough one. Inlaws can be difficult, I dont know exactly why but most often its the mother. You are not alone on this one for sure.
If your husband really wants you and and his mother to get along he needs to provide you some support and give his mother some kind but very firm words to this effect. Its not ALL his responsibility, you will have to show good faith and be as respectful and kind as possible. Your husband needs to stand up to his mother and take charge of the situation. Hes not a boy, hes a man and you are his wife. His mother is going to have to face that you are the woman he chose to marry and she cant control him or disrespect you. Try to be as respectful as possible because the mother inlaw will not just go away, but ultimately your marriage is the most important thing not making his mommy happy.
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A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I understand that this is a difficult situation for you, especially as you find her hypocritical. I also understand your desire to try to get along with your husbands mother. At least you are willing to give it a go, for many people wouldnt bother in your situation, and that could lead to resentment later.
Try to see the good in her and focus your attentions on that. Everyone has good inside them. Perhaps she is kind to animals or has strong community links. Ask her to tell you about her hobbies and interests. Who knows, you might find them interesting and want to join her. Who better to introduce you to your mother-in-laws world than her?
Also ask her to tell you about your husband when he was little and about the day he was born - what she was doing when she went into labour, etc. Request to see family photographs of them together. This kind of thing often makes people open up and seem more "human".
You dont say whether your mother-in-law makes an effort with you. If not, point this out to your husband and also remind him that you have made the effort to get along with her. He will see that you have and perhaps he could speak with his mother about the behaviour you find objectionable.
You need to be aware that no matter how hard we try to befriend someone, if the other person is unwilling we will fall short through no fault of our own. The most important thing is to try with an open mind and a loving heart. Your husband to see your efforts and you will have made him proud that you tried so hard.
best wishes,
Skye
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Im sure you are not the first person to admit you are not that keen on you inlaw, and by no means the last. There is no reason why you and you spouse can not have a great relationship, after all you are married to your Husband not your mother-in-law.
Just show that you are making the effort when you see her, even if she is not. Sometimes we have to bite our tongue and get on with it to keep the peace. Just be yourself and im sure you will all get along just fine.
All the best x
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