A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I and 22 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. However I have been confused about my feelings for him. I feel that I love him, but im not IN love any more. I have wanted to break up many times but have never found the courage to do it. I've been afraid of being alone and regretting it...I also know that I will break his heart in a million pieces...he loves me very very much and has been a great support to me while my mom battled cancer had chemo and surgery. He has been a pillar of strength for me. However, the flame is gone...I do not feel much passion..he never takes me on dates and i feel left out of his inner circle because he has not brought me around his friends much (hes well a acquainted with mine) I also do not have a very close bond with his family. he recently started to loosen up and have us go out to dinner (a rarity) . Now heres the case...Im not totally over my ex boyfriend...i've cheated on my current one with my ex but then let the ex go...now he is back in my life again (i have not see him and i will not cheat ever again) and everything is starting to become cloudy again....I want to break up with my boyfriend but I simply do not know how to do it without crushing his heart...I feel that if it is so easy for me sway and doubt my emotions that i must not be IN love...i also get crushes all the time on other guys...but i do not act upon them..I'm so confused...i understand love is not always like in the movies...but i feel that i'm missing out on more passionate love ...Also I wont go right into a relationship with my ex again (he wants this) because I feel that is not a correct motive for leaving someone who has treated me with so much love and devotion...any advice would be appreciated..thank you .. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): First of all it is natural to find other guys attractive. It’s not a crime as long as you do not act upon it. However, if you feel that you are not in love with your current boyfriend then you should break up with him. It is not fair to him. If you do not break up with him then the both of you will be miserable. You need to sit down and talk to him about how your feeling. At first his heart will get broken but it will mend over time and you never know he might have the same feelings. The longer you procrastinate telling him how you feel the harder it will be for you. You have already cheated on him with your ex. The damage is done now you need to come clean and talk to him. The worst that can happen is that you break his heart but trust me he will get over it as time passes. You are young; you should date a few more guys before committing to one (so you know what are looking for in a guy). Plus if you current boyfriend love you he will understand and want you to be happy with or without him in your life. JUST TALK TO HIM, you never know how things might end up. It might even rekindle your relationship with your current bf.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Dont just dump him.
Love is not easy and you have to work at it, if you thought that you would have butterflies in your stomach every time you saw him for the rest of your life you are wrong. It sounds to me like you are bored, change your routine and do something different with your life.
It is possible that your ex coming back into your life as just stirred up some old feelings and sexual memories trust me I have thought I wanted out of my 11 year marriage before now and yes I do look at other men but that is it. Hang in there be patient and the feeling of not wanting to be with your partner will pass especially when you get that stupid ex out of your life.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u for your responses...it makes me feel not so alone in this mess =)
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (1 April 2009):
 hun you need to just tell him you don't have the same feelings any more and sure ok he helped you through your mums tough time (glad to hear she's ok :)) but you can't keep living in denial you need to just say that your not longer in the loving place with him and that you'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.if he doesn't want to be friends after you've offered your friendship to him then don't bother him he'll obviously be hurt and stuff for a while but at least you've offered your friendship which in some ways is much better than nothing at all at least he'll still be in your life and you'll still be in his just not in the same way as before you can still turn to each other when each of you are hurt or down or anything that way he knows you still care about him as a person and that you've never intended on hurting him one little bit.as for the ex i'm pleased to hear you won't go back with him because hunny that relationship ended for a reason and that reason will never ever go away it'll always be there no matter if he says he has changed personality changed his hair his eye colour anything like that you'll always know that reason.any you shouldn't be worrying about being alone! sheesh there are loads of guys out there and the right one is waiting for you he'll turn up when you least expect it guaranteed!i hope it all goes ok hun. />
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (1 April 2009):
 Easy baby....break up with him! Why prolong this relationship that will lead nowhere....honest brutal truth here....LOVE comes and goes, realize that fact and it will set you free...some love lasts a lifetime, other love teaches you for a season and then leaves. LOVE is its own entity, one that does not depend on your control....love comes and then it goes just as fast. Its timee for you to move on, because obviously you srent happy and therefore neither is he! If you want to make the best of this, let him go honestly, but continue to be there for him, be his friend,,,,i am going through the same thing,....my ex g.f is such an amazing person FOR me but we arent in love anymore...she is just my friend, and you have thaT same capacity to be there for him, be his friend, but move on to someone you can really fall in love with....you deserve the best babe and so does he....dont string him on any longer....love comes ang leaves...change is natural!!Rob
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