A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I'm fourteen years old and in eighth grade and I am totally in love with my math/advisory teacher (At my school, advisory is a class you go to for fifteen minutes at the beginning of the day and do activities and stuff). I've had a crush on him since the middle of the school year and am actually starting to believe he's my soul mate! I know some people say that a girl my age doesn't know enough about love to make that assumption, but I've been in love before and have the maturity of someone much older to realize this. I really want to tell him and I was planning to at the end of the year, but it's been driving me crazy and I want to tell him sooner. I almost had one of my friends tell him for me the other day, but I was too afraid that he would get me out of his class so I didn't have her tell. I'm not afraid of telling him myself (okay, maybe a little), but I'm not sure how to properly tell him myself. I know that I'm going to tell him, but I'm not sure when or how to tell him. I need some advice. And please, no one try to talk me out of telling him, if I don't I will literally go crazy (I'm already struggling with my mental disorders and it will get worse if I keep it a secret much longer).
View related questions:
crush, my teacher, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fionaxx  +, writes (24 February 2010):
seriously, you should just leave it be for just now. Think what it is about him that makes you 'love' him, what it is that attracts you to him whether its for an reasons other than his position of power, if he is a god teacher that inspires you, because he's someone you look up to, because he's someone you know you realistically cant have...
i know when you are 14 you are very headstrong ( im only 17 myself)and you wont appreciate loads of people trying to talk you out of it when you asked not to but you need to think of the repercussions of telling him how you feel. Maybe you think that after you tell him he will admit that he feels the same way and you both will live happily ever after (despite the possible legal intervention, and the probable resistant from your parents) but almost certainly this is not the case. Has he ever given you any reason to think that he feels the same way? if you tell him there is a strong chance he will be absolutely horrified and not really know what to say apart from ' well im afraid those feelings are not reciprocated and it would be wholly inapropriate if it were...... maybe you should find a crush your own age.... i hope this doesn't come between our teacher student relationship....' or words to the same effect and lets face it - thats just mortifying. If you tell him your feelings and he doesnt want to know he is likely to be nice about it but things are going to be extremely awkward between yo both, if you ever need help in class you wont be able to stay behind or get extra study cos he will probably be wary of spending alone time with you. Apart from the awkwardness between you and him he may also tell other teachers such as the headmaster, guidance, or worse your parents! he might do this because he is worried about you or simply because he wants people to know what you said to him so it doesnt come back and bite him in the ass if you get pissed and tell people he came on to you or something. Think how embarrassing things would be! going to his class every day when he knocked you back ( if he does,i mean he may feel the same way... and as im sure your aware that leads to a whole new set of problems - legal problems)
i dont doubt that you have feelings for him but you should definitely wait a while to tell him, you may feel different when your older.
Hang in there, i know its tough!
xxooxx.
A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (30 May 2009):
Woah. Please don't say you are mature for your age this makes very little difference in this sort of situation.
I will say this; you are 14 years old - it does not matter if you are mature for your age. If you told him you fancied him; and he agreed to a relationship with you. You would be aged 14 with a teacher. That's paedophilia. This would make him a paedophile - this would mean he is attracted to 14 year old girls. Not just you; but 14 year old girls in general. He is your teacher!! For god'sa sake. If he was interested in you, this would be extremely wrong, extremely immoral. You may well feel as if you are in love with him but be prepared for the worst.
Also; it interests me as to why all the girls that say they fancy their teachers begin with 'I am mature for my age'; why is this relevant? It does not make this situation any different or any more acceptable. And asking one of your friends to tell him for you??? This is not maturity... and why are you asking people not to talk you out of it??? What exactly do you want people to do? Condone it? Its utterly ridiculous and dangerous. It worries me greatly that you say 'mental disorders' and 'crazy'; why on earth have you become fixated on this teacher in the first place? Telling him you like him will solve nothing, this is no 'secret', and if anything it will drive him away. There are more subtle ways of letting people know you like them; spending time with them, taking an interest in them, being flirtacious. I only hope that this teacher isn't after you, because it worries me the kind of relationship he would want with you.
Read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Please don't tell him. Trust me, you'll regret it. I wanted to tell my teacher how I felt one time during my sophmore year. I planned to leave a rose on his desk on Valentine's Day, but the school ended up closing because of a blizzard. I took it as a sign that if I told him how I felt it would ruin the friendship we had.
But when you're 18 and if you still have feelings for this teacher, I'd say go for it. You'll be an adult so it won't be illegal if you two were to get together.
...............................
A
male
reader, Believer +, writes (23 April 2009):
People are very quick to judge -It gives them a sence of moral superiority. You already know that your interest in your teacher goes against commonly accepted norms. Personally I don't know if what you are feeling is love or not -I guess only God knows that. We don't know what your teacher feels/thinks either. What's obvious is that you can't act on anything you feel until your of the age of consent anyway. It's definitely not impossible that what you feel is "the real thing" I think that you should write and tell him how you feel-that way if he does not feel the same way he has a chance to let you down easy and you can move on with your life. If he feels the same way I wouldn't expect and answer from him -that might get him fired and I'm sure you don't want that for him. Have you heard the story of Ruth and Boaz in the bible? Boaz was old enough to be Ruth's father -and yet the lord blessed her for her humility. They were a part of Christ's geneological line. I hope you find love and happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, juleskee  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Hey, if this makes you feel better, in our school, the male teachers all know who have crushes on them, and they don't mind. They're even flattered. They even flirt with them too. But they don't have relationships with them though.
But, 3 of the most famous male teachers in our school have girlfriends who were their students before. :) Even the teacher I like knows I like him. But I think he finds it awkward, but he still acknowledges me.
I guess it's okay to tell him, as long as you don't expect anything else to happen. I do, but I don't make it obvious to him. He just thinks it's a common crush. If you tell him you love him, he'll probably think it's cute and then not care anymore. He will remember though. Just don't HOPE. That's the only thing you shouldn't do- Hope. SMOTHER IT!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): sorry hun i agree with everyone below.you need to think of how this will effect him and his job.i'm sure you have powerful feelings for him but telling him will not make everything better and become reality it'll make a lot of trouble.he could possibly lose his job your mum and dad could accuse him of things anyone could accuse him of things and he could like one of the other readers said go to jail.i am sure that's not what you want for him i am sure you want him to live his dream as a teacher.and yeah you're 14 at the moment you've got your whole life ahead of you!we all say things like this we all idleize someone older than us like famous band guys how hott they are i mean i think i'm like destined to be with the lead singer from a band ha-ha they are way famous and he's married.how do you know your teacher isn't seeing someone?you'd cause complications for his love life also if you did tell him.the bottom line is you probably have strong feelings for him i'm not denying that but perhaps you see him as someone you'd like to have in the future someone who treats you nice and helps you when you need it.this guy could be the mr perfect you'll be looking for later on in life but i'm not sure he'll be Mr perfect for you now.perhaps he is the ingrediants that every young girl wants there future boyfriend/life partner to be like. we all have strong feelings for someone older at some point as i say alot of people go after famous people and think they are in love with them probably because we want our future guy to be just like them.he is a teacher just think of him and his job if you care enough abou him you'll leave it and let him live his life and do the job he loves best and not drop this bombshell on him and cause him to lose his job or cause you to move schools.as for mental issues well maybe you need to see a counsellor they can help you out.Hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (1 April 2009):
 You want to tell him then go for it... However he will go to his head of department, your parents will be informed and you will be taken out of his class.
Or he will take your advances, use you for sex get caught loose his job and go to prison!
You are being very selfish why don't you wait till a couple of years after you graduate then see what happens. You really don't want the man you love to loose his job, because of you!
And what will your parents think when they find out?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tevote  +, writes (1 April 2009):
 Hey there-I know exactly how you feel, you're getting extremely angry at anyone who tells you what you're feeling is just a crush and that nothing can ever happen.Yes something could happen but there's a 99 percent chance it wont. I was in the same situation as you, not to long ago-I wanted to confess my undying love to ironically my maths teacher-But I knew it was too risky.You say you're completely in love with him right? I'm sure you are, it's what you're feeling. But if you truly are then i'm guessing you don't want to lose him from your life.Look-Telling him is the worst possible idea for you right now, there are major consequences-You have no idea how he will react-Either way you're going to have to stay away from him, either his wishes or a higher teacher's wishes. It's the law, and this will happen if you tell him-Automatically he has to tell one of his superiours, and he will either be asked to leave because of the situation or you will..SO if you want to keep enjoying these feelings and getting to know him, then don't tell him..It's either that option or you're going to have a long and stressful road ahead of you.You decide.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): I'm sorry kiddo, but I can't tell you what you want to hear.
What do you want to have happen when you tell him? Are you hoping that he will confess that he feels the same way, and that he'll find a way for you two to be together? And, if that happens, what comes next? He'll go to jail, and his teaching career will over forever. If you truly care for him, you won't ask him to face those consequences.
If you're struggling with mental health issues, find someone else to help you -- your parents, a guidance counsellor, or someone else who's knowledgeable. Asking your teacher to be your white knight just puts him in the middle of a minefield.
...............................
A
female
reader, Nataliemarie +, writes (1 April 2009):
How old is your teacher? Over 18 i;m sure...he wont go for a 14 year old unless he wants to lose his job and reputation and all of his life! You are probably infatuated and nothing will come out of the situation...Unless you are willing to wait until you become legal ..IF he's interested...we've all gone thru phases where we find out teachers hot...but where do you think thats going to go..i understand you may be mature than most of your friends...but your teacher will not appreciate it...and will probably make him feel uncomfortable if he isn't a pervert!
...............................
|
