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male
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*antino
writes: Can you get over an ex and still talk to them all the time? My girlfriend broke up with her ex about 3 months ago. she didnt hear from him up until a few wks ago but now theyre talking on the phone all the time. She says she wants to keep talking to him but im not happy. Jealousy aside and all that he'll never get over her if he keeps calling and she wont fully get past him, even though shes the one that ended it. Am i right? Do they have to completely seperate for a good few months b4 they can talk again? Or is this ok?
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male
reader, santino +, writes (11 January 2007):
santino is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. Theres one thing i forgot to mention: she still hasnt told her ex that shes going out with somebody
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 You know, if I were you, I'd be feeling weird about this too.
I'm all for being friends with ex's. I'm friends with most of mine. However, there is a limit. If your girlfriend is talking on the phone with him all the time for long periods of time (a half hour or more) pretty much everyday - that seems excessive. That seems pretty intimate.
What you need to do is talk to her. Tell her that you're okay with her being friends with her ex, but that you're a little worried that maybe the feelings might come back for her. Let her know how you're feeling about things.
Also, if SHE'S the one who broke it off, I have to wonder... this poor ex-boyfriend of hers is probably getting excited. Maybe he thinks she wants him back? I don't know, just a thought.
Anyhow, talk to your girlfriend.
Good luck, sweetness. Hopefully she's receptive to your feelings.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Cool Cucumber  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 In my opinion it is not ok. Why be friends with an ex unless there is an ulterior motive? Or unless there is children involved which there isn't. Yes time is needed to get over a relationship, so being in touch so soon after a split is not healthy. You have every right to be anxious about this. Maybe she wants to keep in touch with him just in case things don't work out between the two of you?? Just a thought, and maybe a wrong one...hopefully. But perhaps she is insecure as a person and finds it hard to let go of her previous love. Sit down and talk and be honest with her.
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A
female
reader, redsilk21 +, writes (10 January 2007):
 I think it really does depend on what they happen to be talking about.If they are just asking how each other are and discussing the weather, then fine, but anything more than this and it could be compromising your relationship.It can be okay to be friends with ex's but this doesn't normally mean phone conversations with them everyday, only if there is a good reason for it, such as support required...just like normal friends. However, the boundaries must be established for it to work and for no one to overstep the mark.Indeed, there is a time needed to 'recover' from a relationship but of course this doesn't necessarily mean two people who previously had a relationship can't talk to one another, it may even help heal any rifts or increase understanding of the breakdown of relationship; providing it is done calmly. If one is still hankering after the other who is now off limits, continued contact will certainly inhibit recovery.Most importantly, this is affecting you so you do need to discuss this with your girlfriend. You don't need to sound possessive if you ask her what they are talking about (I don't suggest you eavesdrop)and consider from what she says whether she needs to talk to him all the time.Allow her some insight into how you feel, suggest she reduces her talking time with her ex but not necessarily stop completely. It is a compromise and I hope she will respond to such a suggestion.
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