| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i had a seven year relationship that ended due to his cheating. im with someone else now who had a similar relationship with his ex girlfriend. how do i stop myself thinking he will do the same as my ex? i love him very much but im scared i will push him away with my insecurites.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Nikita  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Everytime you feel insecure and have 'thoughts' in your head, try and rethink how you're feeling. You have to learn how to undo all the negativity that has been in your life and try and introduce positivity. Its hard but with practice you can achieve this. I know because Ive suffered with insecure feelings for a long time but Ive taught myself over time to rethink how im feeling and to realise that most of the thoughts I was experiencing were irrational and had no bearing on my relationship. They were from my past relationships and were interfering so I had to try and banish them becasue like you i was worried I would drive my partner away. Its not easy because when you feel insecure, its as if a cloud is hovering over you. Tell yourself that he has experienced cheating too so he knows how you're feeling. Talk to him about your worries and ask him to reassure you. As your relationship grows, so will your trust. Keep repeating to yourself that he is different and that your insecurities belong in the past with your bad relationship and the future is going to be so different. Try not to question him too much. Bite your tongue and think positive thoughts okay. Eventually, your insecurities will fade. Good luck.x
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi
Dont worry, he will know how this feels if it happened to him.
Try to relax about it all, and it will get easier. As time goes on you will find this feeling fades, and you will be able to trust agaain. If you get a bit insecure, tell him why, dont leave him to guess. If you have a row, think to yourself, am i being rational. Or are the old feelings poping up, for no reason.
If this man loves you, he will be fine and understanding.
I have a good feeling you will be fine,
stop with the worry's and be happy XX
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi Anon,
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Tell him about your past experiences and your fears, be honest. Did he cheat in his previous relationship or was it his girlfriend? Don't constantly worry about him cheating or else he'll sense that you don't trust him and it will put extra pressure on the relationship. Go to this site and check up on what it really means to be intimate with someone: http://www.coping.org/relations/intimacy.htm
If you are both serious about being with each other long term then you'll both be prepared to follow the same rules. Hope this helps. Cheers Dagwood
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