A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I fell in love with a guy who told me he loved me and was interested in me for several years (we work together and met a few years ago). On the first date he told me I was a woman of his dreams and that he loved me. We have been dating for about 8 months, although I am not sure this qualifies as 'dating'. We are having sex about once a month, and every time after it happens, he lapses into silence for about a week and reluctantly answers my texts. He avoids me usually for several weeks after sex, but when we see each other again, he is all attentive and loving and says he truly loves me. He made it a rule that I should not be calling him, because he never answers the phone when I call. He says he takes care of his ill mother (Altzheimer's), and he always disappears after work (he has flexible schedule and keeps very irregular hours, doesn't come and go at the same time, sometimes works through the night and on weekends), on weekends, and all holidays. I have only spent a couple of weekends with him so far, and even then it was only for one day or less. He introduced me to his mother after we "dated" for a few months and he tells me his sister also knows about me. He is very close with his boss, with whom (for some reason) he spends a lot of time on weekeneds. He was the one who made it a rule for us to communicate through text messaging, I didn't like it at the beginning, but soon realized it was the only way for me to reach out to him. I had many conversations with him about my dissatisfaction, shut him off many times, then he would beg me to try to 'work it out', would come to see me at work or would call me at work all day long. I felt sorry for him and we resumed contact. A month or so ago he suddenly changed his 'routine', no longer calls me, rarely texts, only 'yes', and 'nope', etc., except on the day when he wants to come to see me (he still wants to come to see me about once a month and won't let go). I cannot stand this any longer, it makes my life so pathetic and worthless. I would really like to find out what motivates him, why is he doing all this, what kind of person he is. I just want to understand this, I have never experienced anything like this before.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 July 2010):
You're being used for sex and nothing else. Chances are he's either married or has a girlfriend somewhere, if he never wants to you to call and goes away, it could well be he even has a family you don't know about. I think you're being used, and I think you need to end it now. There is no way that a man who loves you would treat you this way. No way. You need to end it with him, you need to move on, get back out there with other friends and find a guy who will actually care for you and not just use you.
A
female
reader, AlmostTexan +, writes (6 July 2010):
Sorry, but it looks like you are his booty call. Sadly there are plenty of those guys, all ages, in this world. But there are also lots of good guys out there. Just move on and look for the 24/7, one woman man.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, thabay408 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Your going to have to have more talk less sex with this guy it maybe too late already. He was getting you set for some sex on tap and you cooperated so now it's maintenance only needed from his prospective. He has someone that's why it's all thru text he doent want to be found out. If you start calling he'll end it this because it's not worth the risk.
Sorry guys will do/say whatever to get some strange tail so next time make sure he's available before any thing
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 You know what? The best thing for you to do, and the hardest, is to cut this man out of your life. You may not have much dating experience but you do know when someone is not making you feel good about yourself.
He made a rule that you should not call him? What is that about? Any man who is considering a serious, long term, relationship with you will not make such rules.
I get a sense that you don't know him well. Do you even know if you're the only woman?
He's in control. He makes rules on how you will contact him, when you will see him, and when he will sleep with you. What say do you get in any of this? None.
You've tried to cut him off but he's always managed to weasel his way back in...and do you know why? Because he can, you allow him to.
You need to be strong and let him go. He's not treating you well and I don't see a future with a man like that. When he comes begging again, tell him to take a hike. Tell him that you want a proper relationship, someone who you can call whenever you want, someone who doesn't disappear after you sleep with him, someone who will be there for you.
The sooner you cut him loose, the sooner a good man will come into your life.
Best of luck :)
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