A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am new to having sex but am in a relationship and we've been sleeping together often. I can't orgasm and it bothers me. I've never orgasmed with a partner, only by my own hand.My sex drive is high. I want him all the time and we can have sex several times in a day. But I feel like it's just pleasant, and I am so frustrated. My guy is well endowed and I'm really tight, so I've been keeping him in check when he wants to get crazy on me because it can hurt. He thinks this could be the main problem and I should just relax, suck it up and let him "pound one out." He is convinced I'll like it, and I'm inclined to believe him but I'm still scared...And when we switch positions, sometimes it doesn't hurt but it just feels really intense. Not in the orgasm-building way but in a he's-taking-over-my-insides way.He's gone down on me, no orgasm. He's fingered me, and I feel like I like penetration more than any of that. But once we start having sex I feel like I stop liking it!Can anyone relate? I'm getting SO sexually, orgasmically frustrated.He's getting so much pleasure from my body and I feel like it hates me - I'm not getting any!!I guess I need some first-orgasm-with-a-partner stories. Was it painful? What positions helped? Sex toys? Was it because of clit/gspot/what stimulation?Should I just let him do his thing on my body and suck it up and hope for the best?I hear a girl's orgasm is all in her head, but there must be some primitive and physical tips that will help me!!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 About 33.6% do not reach orgasm by penetration alone.
Pounding a good one won't help since the vast majority of vaginal nerve endings are located in the first third of the organ ( closer to the vaginal orifice)
You need to position yourself in a way in which you can stimulate your clit,or let him stimulate it,during penetration,for instance in a spooning position, or else in a way you can rub or press your clit against his pubic bone.
Most of all ,you need to relax and focus not on reaching the "goal" of orgasm but on all the pleasurable sensations you feel during your lovemaking.
A
female
reader, Intricacy.  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I think firstly you should talk about it to your man – instruct him! Communication is so important in sex. Men generally need a little bit of guidance! Especially when so much blood rushes from his head to his...
Have him spend time on you and that way you can tell him exactly what you like. I think that it’s super important that you do. You’re just as entitled to sexual pleasure as him. You’re definitely normal; it’s really quite rare for a woman to orgasum during sex; clit stimulation is KEY – it’ll make the whole experience a lot more intense and pleasing for you. Also experiment with positions – what better way to find out what you like!
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A
female
reader, rainbowmaker +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I can totally relate to what you are saying! I have been sexually active since i was 15 (i'm now 24) It has only been in the past year and a half that i have actually experienced an orgasm during sex. How crazy is that! Thats like 8 years of NOTHING!!!! Lol. Alot of the problem for me was that for six of those 8 years i was with a man that i didnt fancy and wasnt in love with. In fact i hated him going anywhere near me.
When i broke up with him i went a bit crazy and slept with quite a few men but it was often when i was drunk and i never got any pleasure out of it! Now i am in a loving relationship and i found that complete trust with my fiance helped me reach what you are now missing.
I enjoy sex in every position with him but only actually reach orgasm when he is on top and grinding me. Its like getting the same pleasure as you would get when you masterbate. I suggest that you DONT let him go hell for leather and risk leaving you very delicate and sore! Believe me its very uncomfortable!
You already know how to get yourself there so you need to talk to your partner about what works best. Try maybe laying off the sex for a wee while and do other things with each other sexually and dont over think things. The more you think, god this is never gonna happen then it wont! Your putting way too much pressure on yourself to orgasm. I know your frustrated but you might as well give it a go and see what happens. What have you got to lose?
Talk him through what feels good and what doesnt. And try not to worry if it doesnt happen straight away! It will come to you when you stop trying so hard. Relax and enjoy it. You'll get there!! Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, Belladonnaanodyne +, writes (7 May 2010):
I'm guessing seeing as you can get yourself there all on your own you can orgasm just fine from clitoral stimulation. It's no wonder you can't reach that point when he's, so charmingly,'pounding one out'. Most women cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone.
You said he was quite big, you might not be turned on enough to allow him in. It can take a different amount of time for each woman. You may need something else to turn you on, not just him fumbling away down there.
The only way i could Get there with my ex was to position myself in a place under him that meant that my clit was being stimulated whilst he was thrusting. Everytime like clockwork orgasm.
Are you quite new to sex? It took me three years to know what made me come.
Also I find if there is anything else on my mind, stressing me out or just distracting me it can be very difficult to get there. Especially if I'm concentrating on it. Men put pressure on women to orgasm, it's ironic that this is sometimes what stops them.
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