A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey so I need help. I'm starting to think that I will never find a guy. I'm a plus size model (fiercely real) and have had guys tell me im gorgeous but never want to be in a relationship with me. Is it my size or what? Its kinda lowering my confidence level. What should I do? Advice please!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 I agree with odds.
Yes, I'm a douche, but I'm not going to lie and say that being large isn't a negative point for many guys when it comes to relationships. We want a girlfriend we can show off to our friends and parents and be proud of, but when it comes to seducing a girl it really doesn't matter all that much.
Of course inner beauty outshines outer beauty, but that takes time to uncover and often maturity to boot... which you will find little of from guys your age. Also being confident, being bubbly, being outgoing, funny or full of personality can easily make guys fall head over heels for a woman, no matter what her size.
Don't get me wrong, curves on a woman can be beautiful and sexy, but straight out obese... to the majority of men, is not... That's just the way it is. I think maybe odds jumped to that conclusion about you, but if you want assurance instead of honesty, then don't ask rhetoric questions and get agro when you get an honest response.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I have a question. You say they don't want a relationship with you, do you say that because they haven't asked you out? Or have you asked them out and they rejected you?
Guys usually don't go for the really beautiful girls because they're too scared to talk to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOdds - way to be a douche. And the other two- thank you!
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A
female
reader, kenty139  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Everyone is beautiful in their own way. And you will meet someone who thinks you are beautiful no matter what you think :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 July 2011):
 If you are a plus size model you are well proportioned and no more than size 18 or so... that's not all that big dear. I used to be a size 24/26 and know of what I speak.
You are also probably tall and carry it well....
I'm a former SSBBW I was nearly 300 pounds at 5'2" and yet I had men wanting me right and left..... I am not tall or stunning or nor was I anything other than FAT but I carried myself well (as I am sure you do being a model)
you are quite young... and I am sure as you gain confidence and feel self-assurance you will find all those men that like what my younger son refers to as "fluffy" girls.
they are out there... the problem also comes with the fact that many women who are plus sized don't want the type of men that find them attractive... it's an ugly catch-22
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I would try to ignore these guys that you're finding. When someone likes you, they will like you for your inner beauty as well as your outer beauty. Being a model, I am guessing that you have that outer beauty. However sometimes it can be off-putting when a physically beautiful person has a sour personality (not saying that you do, just in general).
What I would do is try to focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. Learn to love yourself. Enjoy being you. The happiness and joy will radiate from you like a glow, and people will notice it and become attracted to you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Not sure if there's a diplomatic way of saying it, but it's probably your size. Telling big girls they're hot is something guys do when they haven't been laid in a while; the belief is that they don't hear it often, so it would be easy to convince one to put out.
I tell guys all the time never to believe anything a girl says about what she finds attractive unless it matches up with the kind of man she dates/sleeps with; I'd say a similar message can be applied in reverse, here. Don't believe anything anything a guy says about how attracted he is to you unless he's willing to date you.
Real fat-fetishists are not very common. Plenty of guys will say encouraging things about liking a girl with "curves," or "meat on her bones," but that goes back to the litmus test: does that statement match the type of women they actually date? Can you independently verify that they mean it? Most guys who say that are responding to a false dichotomy between fat girls and twigs, forgetting the whole spectrum in between - most of whom are just as real as anyone else.
Now, aside from just being happily single, at this point your options come down to either focusing on the guys who would date you as you are, or expanding the pool of guys who are attracted to you. Your question would indicate that the first option hasn't worked out for you yet. That leaves expanding the pool of available guys to choose from, and that means losing weight. If that's what you do, just stay healthy. Best of luck either way.
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