A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do.I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't expect much from me. Now I'm rebuilding my life, and I'm sick of people comments like"you don't have money", "You need to rebuild your life" ect.ect. I tell them I'm moving at my pace and I will get where I need to be. But they tell me I'm not getting any younger. I'm 36, and it just feels like I'm so tired of people in general. I feel the world is so full of themselves engrossed in themselves, their egos, measuring success on financial stabilty. If it was up to me, I would shave my head and just join a monestary or travel the world helping third world children. I guess i'm trying to figure out the meaning of life.And I have it pretty figured out, but the problem is the society we live in contradict everything I believe in. Sometimes I just don't know how to cope and just taking one day at a time. How can I make myself feel better and get out of this rut.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Your welcome. Take care :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrcn.. It does help a lot and I will try what you said. thank you so much.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 July 2011):
As I've said, at 40 I know where you're coming from. I'm a single parent. Do you think I planned it to be that way. People do misuse the "love" word to often. Love isn't really an emotion, but it is a state of being. But love begins with you. You've been through trauma and hard times, make those your focus during your meditation. Say, "I'm tired of letting this hurt me and bring me down." then demand it to be taken away.
Sure we all desire our families to be proud of what we do. If your self esteem was up and you were doing what you loved, it'd be hard not to be proud of you. But if you are trying to make them happy, and not following your dream, that "something big" might get missed. After asking for this pain to be taken away, use your meditation as a guide to bring you toward what you should be doing. Trust in it. Meditation is not just for finding peace in the moment. It's a guide. Like a spiritual GPS system. Use it. It's there for you, and at your full disposal. I use it, and sometimes get strange, but cool messages. The latest states,
As long as someone doesn't appreciate or show gratitude toward truth, they will continue searching for the truth, they already had." My thought about that is, ALL our truths come from deep within ourselves, that when we ignore them we keep searching outside ourselves for an answer to the problem, while missing the fact that we possessed the answer the whole time.
I hope this helps. Take care. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for their response. All the answers make sense and has helped. First off, I have dealt with low self-esteem and self worth by being abandoned and abused as a child and later being in a verbally abusive relationship.I am a single mother now and giving my daughter the life I wish I had. I am an avid reader and have learned so much about myself and the world through my experiences. If I told you my life story I don't think you would believe it. I guess you can say that I have been "awaken" and because of that, I can see through people's BS right away. My issue is with the people closest to me. People who say they love you but yet when they open their mouth or look at their actions, it contradicts everything that they say.I meditate often and try everyday to be at peace with myself. Through everything, I am proud that I have not succumb to a life of crime, drugs and alcohol. I have dealt with the pain.I guess I have good days and bad, and when i wrote that post/question, I was very down. I just feel that I'm destine to do something great, but I have no idea how to get there. So I guess I beat myself up about it. I know I am good enough, it's just sometimes the people around me make me feel like shit. Maybe you're right, if I had higher self-esteem, i wouldn't care what they thought or said about me. But don't all of us care what our family thinks? Don't we all want to make our family proud and happy?I will take one day at a time. Which is what I've been doing the last 36 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): "If it was up to me, I would shave my head and just join a monestary or travel the world helping third world children. "
...erhh if your life isn't up to you then who do you reckon is in charge?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): you sound like you have depression. classic symptoms:
- Low self esteem and low feelings of self worth: "I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do"
- Inability to enjoy life; believing you don't deserve anything good: "I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't expect much from me. "
- Being chronically irritable and socially withdrawn: "it just feels like I'm so tired of people in general. I feel the world is so full of themselves"
- Feeling overwhelmed: "Sometimes I just don't know how to cope and just taking one day at a time"
I think you are trying very hard to get out of your depression, hence your search for the meaning of life. That's a very good thing. however I think that you need to work on your self esteem and your feelings of self worth. you need to confront whatever inner shame you feel about yourself and heal from that. maybe your search for the meaning of life, starts within yourself. Learn to love yourself and accept who you are, and maybe then you won't feel so isolated from society and feel as if you don't fit in.
Right now your urge to 'shave your head and join a monastary or travel the world' seems more like a fantasy of running away, in light of your low self esteem. If a person with a healthy self esteem and high confidence said they want to shave their head and join a monastary or travel the world helping poor children, I would think that this really is what they really do wish to do. But if someone with low self esteem says that, then to me it sounds more like an escapism wish, trying to run away from your angst that you think is caused by the society you live in now but maybe is instead caused by your low feelings of self esteem. maybe you're trying to run away from yourself.
you may want to see a therapist. Depression can be biological based, if it is then medication is needed and no amount of "self talk" and personal effort may make you feel much better.
Even if it's not biological based, but is due to difficult life situations that haven't been successfully resolved, there are proven and well-tread methods of therapy for systematically treating depression and helping you, one step at a time, to feel better. Some times you're not able to get yourself out of a depression because the depression is so deep that whatever we instinctively try to do on our own, is not enough and a systematic approach is needed.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2011):
I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical world, truth lies beyond what we see with our eyes. The problem though is that ego, and how people live by it assuming it holds truth, when it's not and believing it is can be very dangerous.
I've been following and studying a process called awakening. This is where the societal systems are crashing and our sense of being is beginning to wake up to the truth that these systems don't serve humanity in a positive manner. A time for change and waking up to what is really true. Keep in mind that awakening is catered to the individual. Therefore, those who have been causing you issues might not understand where you're coming from or why. In other words, they may not be seeing the world through your eyes, and might still be stuck in conforming to societies standards. You can't change them, only continue growing within yourself. In time, I believe, they too will be able to see that truth. The hardest part, at least in my experience, has been accepting that what I thought I knew wasn't what is, and having to relearn and change how I view the world. I know how you feel.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2011):
I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical world, truth lies beyond what we see with our eyes. The problem though is that ego, and how people live by it assuming it holds truth, when it's not and believing it is can be very dangerous.
I've been following and studying a process called awakening. This is where the societal systems are crashing and our sense of being is beginning to wake up to the truth that these systems don't serve humanity in a positive manner. A time for change and waking up to what is really true. Keep in mind that awakening is catered to the individual. Therefore, those who have been causing you issues might not understand where you're coming from or why. In other words, they may not be seeing the world through your eyes, and might still be stuck in conforming to societies standards. You can't change them, only continue growing within yourself. In time, I believe, they too will be able to see that truth. The hardest part, at least in my experience, has been accepting that what I thought I knew wasn't what is, and having to relearn and change how I view the world. I know how you feel.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 You need to go after something that you believe in. Why not shave your head. If you don't like it, it will grow back. Join an international volunteer organisation, they are always after help. Not sure how it works with the monastery. That one might take a bit of research. You could start smaller, and go local. Try volunteering at your local hospital or nursing home, they are always desperate for extra help. And for you, it is a great way to feel better about yourself, to feel that you are contributing to your community. To stop thinking about yourself for a while, and concentrate on others who are in need of your help, is a fantastic way to get out of the negative place that you are in right now.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): i can DEFINITELY relate. first of all, youre not a failure...youre still here, youre still trying, and here you are on this site asking for help! secondly, who are you comparing yourself to? i had similar feelings for yeeeaars: i dont have what they have, i dont have a high paying job, no lasting relationship, on and on and on. no doubt its a struggle, its been for me, BUT over the years, through tears, dire straits, and everything that could go wrong that did,and asking WHY for the millionth time...something changed. once upon a time i thought it useless to even try, how can i even BEGIN to think positive when its like a black cloud surrounding me? its not me whos negative, its the universe! but i DID try, because i took the steps that YOU have, i reached out, i did one small thing, had one tiny positive thought, and it grew......i forced myself to laugh at my misfortunes, i really looked at the flowers (and smelled them), i tried to stay focussed on what i DID have, that others dont.(i thought this would never work, ahh the pessimist me lol) sure they have a married family life, but do they laugh like i do in my single parent life? the neighbor has a nicer car, but is how a vehicle looks the most important thing? is how i look the most important thing? that girl gets any guy she wants, but can she keep him? and how is she doing so? i KNOW im genuine, i KNOW im a good person. i kept reminding myself of my accomplishments, as insignificant as i thought they were.....how many people did what i did? survived what i survived? im 42 years old, and i may not have much "material" but i do have a helluva lot more character integrity and wisdom than people who would dare preach to me about what i lack. move at your own pace, carry out your own dreams, and dont let the universe rule, you own it. i still battle the social media demons myself, as a woman its hard to compare to the glamor and beauty portrayed continuously, but i'll heed your advice and a bit of my own...baby steps xxoo
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): sounds like you're burned out.
"If it was up to me, I would shave my head and just join a monestary or travel the world helping third world children. "
how about joining the Peace Corp? I have friends who did, they really enjoyed it.
search out people who share your views, don't spend time around people who don't.
...............................
A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I would say to tell yourself every morning when you wake up that you are good enough. You don't have to meet everyone elses standards. Sometime some people are engrossed in themselves and think that everyone else should be just like them or work just as quickly as they do and all, but we don't. Take each day as it comes and believe in yourself and your own self worth cause you are good enough, just having a bit of trouble. So good luck and remember you are good enough. :)
...............................
|
