A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend thinks I'm too quiet when we're talking on the phone. We tend to text message a lot throughout the day and we talk on the phone at least once a day too, so my feelings are that by the time that we talk before bed it's normal to have pauses in a conversation where there isn't anything to talk about but he says it frustrates him and he feels like I'm the quiet one and he's making the most effort to find stuff to talk about in the conversation. I'm naturally quiet and I always have been, but I have never had this be an issue with any other boyfriend in the past. We either had stuff to talk about or they didn't care when some pauses came up...but my current boyfriend acts like he can't stand the silence and then it becomes so awkward because I feel like I'm doing something wrong by him just because I don't have something to contribute. My life isn't really busy right now. I'm between jobs and not extremely social..I've always been the type to just have a small group of close friends, so in comparison to me he is much more outgoing and probably does have more to talk about, at least at this time in our lives, but I'm starting to get self conscious from him bringing up that I'm too quiet on the phone and I told him so but I feel like it didn't do any good..that he still feels like I should be doing something differently. It makes me feel bad though cause I've never felt like my "phone skills" had anything wrong with them until he kept mentioning stuff about my quietness. What do I do and how do I handle this? I really like him and we've only been going out a month, but we've been friends a long time...I just don't want this to become a bigger issue with us than it already is slowly becoming..
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female
reader, missy21 +, writes (9 August 2009):
Im glad to know someone else is going through the same problem. I don't consider myself a quiet person, so i was pretty shocked when my bf said i was too quiet. We are in a long distance relationship, which makes it even harder. We have been dating for a yr and have seen eachother only a couple of times. I saw him this past weekend and i thought we had a great time, but he said otherwise. He told me i still havent let my guard down and did not feel a connection because I didnt express much. I guess I still get nervous when I see him in person and still havent been able to get comfortable enough to be myself and communicate just like I do with my friends. Now im just hurt because of it and overwhelmed!!! It really hurt my ego and now I just feel like dumping him!! what do I do, im i wrong or should try and work on it??
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): I am in the same situation. Except im the outgoing fiance and she is the quiet one, currently i am deployed but like koenig said it is really nice just to have her on the other end of the line...what my fiance and i do is when the pauses do get to where wow nothing has been said today we just end the convo say i hope i can talk to you soon I Love You. I felt like him before its not oh his true colors are showing already its just that he is used to that outgoing side showing always he will get better at understanding you give it time and just explain to him how you feel when he calls you out...you both must find a center point to reach at.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): You only been dating a month and his true colours are coming through. He is putting down your confidence. What a stupid thing to get angry over! Next time he starts on you, stand up for yourself and warn him your relationship will end if he keeps making you feel this way.
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A
male
reader, koenig  +, writes (2 June 2009):
I think he just needs to learn to just be happy that you're on the other end of the line. I know with a lot of people, even though they're not always talking, when it's silent, they're just glad that their partner is there. I really think that the problem lies with him and not you...I don't know what you can say to him to make him not mind the silences... I think you'll just have to give it some time and hope that he stops making an issue of it. I guess you could try making the conversations shorter or less frequent to make him appreciate them more, but that's a bit of a dangerous game to play.
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A
female
reader, Rihannax  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 thats fine, iv had the same problem.
Just explain that your not a "on the phone person",
you enjoy and have more to say through text than on the phone, just say you get quite nervous and him saying wt he says dont help and makes it worse.
see him more or text him more, or email, so you dont have to tlk on the phone as much.
or talk about shows on the tv, or even make something up that happend to you today, be funny, joke around, tell him jokes, itl get better, just tlk abit more bit by bit and he wont do it anyomre.
hope this helps
x
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