A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had been together for more than a year. He is a really nice person except for his ego. He thinks he is all better and knows more than me because he is a year older. He also thinks that he has the rights for everything because he is a guy. This really pisses me off. When we're arguing, he would not stop talking or asking. I told him to give me some space to cool down and he'll ask me how much time I need or why do I need the space. He always want to "talk things out" but in actual fact, he is just making our relationship worse. He always comes back to apologise after he cools down, telling me that he will change but he wouldn't. During every arguement, he just wouldn't stop talking! I hate the way he just goes on for nothing, it's not like he'll get something good out of forcing me to talk because he knows that I would not say much when I'm unhappy. It is already more than a year we've been together!Worse thing, he seem to hate it when I go out with my friends! I love my friends and hasn't hang out with them for so so long. I reject them when they ask me to hang out so much that they don't even call me anymore! I don't understand why he can go out with his pals but I can't. He'll just reluctantly say I can but his face will be full of anger.He also hates it when I talk to my male friends, online or offline, even if we're just talking about school work, happen to meet after a long time and stop for a chat or posting a comment in Facebook. I'm not angry (maybe a little jealous but I get over it after a while) if he hangs out with his female friends or talk to them, send them comments etc. but he just doesn't approve iof my male friends. It's almost like he hates every guy out there that I've been friends with or are friends with. I've asked for a break up twice and he beg me not to. Once, he told me to give him a month to change and if he doesn't I could break up with him. For the whole month he was really nice, even though there were some arguements but they were really minor. But after that month, he slowly turned back to being what he started as. He use really bad words when we argue, he even pushes me or grabs me. It just hurts. I can see that he is trying to control his anger but I just don't get why he gets angry at everything! Even when I stayed in class late to copy down notes for my exam!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Hey, sorry, I know this question is from a while back, but I'm in a very similar situation, just nearly three years down the line. My boyfreind's behaviour is just worsening, and getting more violent. Can I ask what happened, like, what you've done about it now? I'm at a loss what to do. Sorry again, thank you.
A
male
reader, Soyosoloco  +, writes (18 June 2009):
I will have to play the role of the black sheep of this conversation. Possibly will be misunderstood by my words but here's the deal. Dude sounds extremely insecure. I am by no means, condoning his actions or behaviour. But one thing I will have to agree with is RIHANNAX comments. Arguing or trying to get him to make sense will NOT work while he is angry. The first question here is DO YOU LOVE HIM? and the 2nd is ARE YOU WILLING TO HELP HIM become a better man? If both answers are yes, I will tell you that if you have a willing to change man, then you can help him through this insecurities and one day he will be so thankful for your support even when he was an asshole that he will have no option but to love you for the rest of HIS life...and the rest of YOURS....
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (2 June 2009):
 This is the classic definition of an abusive relationship!!
Run don't walk, Send him on his way and you get on with your life. When he begs you to not leave him, tell him to talk to the hand, because the ears don't want to hear it!
Even during his so called being nice month he couldn't stop himself from having 'minor' arguments.
Look, you go out and meet a young man that's going to treat you like the princess that you are. you in turn will treat him like your prince.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 June 2009):
 I think you know you have to get out of this relationship, you just need a push...dump the guy, there will be nothing good to come out of staying with him. He is a very unhappy person and there is nothing YOU can do about it.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 Sorry if this sounds harsh but do you even think of yourself in all of this?
You mentioned he is a really great guy?? Where? Has nice teeth? Does not make him great...sorry.
He is controlling, argumentative and violent. Are you out of your mind? Do you deserved to be pushed, controlled and cursed at....girl you crazy!!
You need to get rid of him, a year is enough for what you have had to deal with, you are no one's mat to step and squiggle on. What is up with you?? Respect and value yourself!! This guy is not for you.
Focus on your studies and yourself. Recognize your worth and put this guy on the curb for the garbage truck to collect him. He will eventually poison the good person you are and you will just be reduced to something you won't recognize in years to come
Get rid of the fool!
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A
female
reader, Rihannax  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 So many girls are in the situation you are in at the mo, even me myself.
He has to much power over you, he controls you and this shouldnt be happening.
explain that when you argue you wanna go home to cool down becasue you dont want to argue anymore, you want to sort it out in your head without and you will see him later and you'll b fine.
you cant cool down with someone that your arguing there while your cooling down. explain that you need abit of space once you've argued cos you dont wanna end up breaking up.
when he grabs you or pushes you, explain that hes being too ruff with you and it hurts you, make him understand.
say you wont be with someone that handles you that way and is too possessive.
he seems to want to do everything his own way and you cant do anything.
hang with your frends, dont lose them over someone that treats you that way.
get his friends and your friends together, all hangout together see how that goes.
he wants reassurance from you that all it is.
hope this helps
x
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