A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This question is long because it's very complicated (even though I've simplified it quite a bit).Three years ago, I fell in love with a European girl and moved to Europe to be with her. I gave up a lot to make the move and it really was a blow to my self-esteem. Added to that was the fact that I was totally dependent on her for everything (I had no money and could only speak English). She did a great job at taking care of me, but it developed into a "parent-child" like relationship. I soon realized I didn't love her anymore, but couldn't leave her because I was determined to make something out of myself and needed her support. Then I met someone else and fell deeply in love. However, she lived far away and we didn't see or communicate with each other for over 1 year. In the mean time I got married. Then the other woman came to a city near me and we met up. The feelings were just the same if not stronger as the year before. I am now in a position to be independent from my wife, but I'm not sure if I should leave her for this other women. I am moving again to the other side of the planet and will not be with either of them for quite some time. One of them will have to follow me for us to have a real relationship. The question is: which one? Try to make it work with my wife or take a chance with the new woman?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 You married a woman that you weren't sure you loved. You are about to move again halfway across the globe. I'd say leave them both, you obviously have no problem finding women. You'll find another one, maybe one you can be loyal to.
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (7 August 2007):
Oh Boy!!!I do not think I have read such a self centred statement in all the time I have been answering in dear cupid here. You go on about making a massive commitment to be with this lady in Europe. When you love somebody genuinely that is no commitment whatsoever. You just go and you do NOT focus on the price you pay for it. The price is nothing when compared to being with the love of your life - that is where your focus should have been. Then you decide you don't love her so decide to use her instead for your own selfish gain. The only reason you could marry someone you didn't love is for what you could get out of it. What happened was she rich or did your work permit run out?If you are leaving to go to the other side of the planet then it seems these two victims are better of rid of you. Only someone as self centred as you could include the words "I","My",and "Me" over twenty times in such a short statement such as this whilst only mentioning the much more collective word "We" a measly twice. People like you do not deserve real true happiness that a loving genuine relationship can bring for there are many people out there who are so completely selfless who never get the chances you have had and you have used.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Wow. So you let someone take total care of you, basically use her to get on your feet, then feel it's really easy to cast her aside, huh? Yeah, she's better off without you. Pick the mistress.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (7 August 2007):
 I know that I will get abuse for saying this but here goes.
I feel you should actually move away from both of these women, and let them have a happy life without you.
You sound totally selfish and are only interested in you.
I dont know why either of these women would want to follow you.
I am sorry for being harsh, but your mail made me so angry. You didnt paint a good picture of yourself did you?.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Your wife deserves to have your total consideration, do what ever is right for her. If you don't love her, she deserves to be free to find someone who will. If think you can get your marriage to work then your wife deserves your effort. Don't give the "other woman" a second thought until you take care of your wife and her needs.
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