A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:5 months ago me and a guy I work with agreed to be f*ck buddies as we both didnt want anything serious, now its confusing, I thought a f*ck buddy was just sex now and again but lately he has been phoning and texting me loads, I have met his friends, go round to his house and just chill out together, been to the pub a few times and he told me he missed me when I went on holiday and when I stay over now he always wants to cuddle me all night after we have had sex he never did this in the beginning, I really like him but I don't want to say anything in case I have got it wrong but do you think he may want more? when we are together lately its like were a couple, im really confused as to what sort of relationship we have now as I think its gone past f*ck buddies. Do i say something?
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Yeah. I know what you're talking about. I had a "friends with benefits" friend in college. I didn't actually want a relationship with him, in my head, but the longer we had "benefits" the more I fell in love with him. Women are like that -- it's hard to separate love and sex sometimes.
The really bad part is that because I was with him, someone I knew was bad for me, I wasn't able to fall for anyone who was GOOD for me. My heart was in the wrong place.
So here's what I recommend: come clean with him. Tell him you're developing feelings for him, and that you want more. If he's developing those feelings too, then bonus.
If he's not, then you need to break it off with him. And you need to know this soon, before you get in any deeper. Put some distance, and give your heart a chance to heal.
You'll be better off either way, so I recommend talking to him soon. Good luck hon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Don't allow 'fear' to rule you, here. Confidence is believing that you do truely deserve to be close to someone, to know that you are loved and accepted for who you are. You need to know that you matter deeply to someone else, and that you are valued by them. I think we all long for that wonderful intimacy and bond we all share with a potential love partner. Intimacy strengthens how you value yourself. It reassures us that we matter, and enables us to face the world with confidence. It's only human to want that and many of us find it. So yes, definitely if you want all that love and cherishment...take the risk and go for it. If he goes for it..then great! If he doesn't, at leat you will know what life path you want to take and it may nno longer being a "sex buddy" to a guy who doesn't value you, in the way you should have. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): thanks so much for the advice, I guess I do need to say something, I would like to take it further but I guess I am scared of getting hurt or getting the answer I don't want. All the signs are there he likes me more than a f*ck buddy and I do keep my distance I never text or phone him even though I want to so its all him in that sense. Lets just hope he feels the same and has been too scared or shy to bring it up with me. If not then men are really confusing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Well, do you 'want' more from this relationship yourself, dear? I am assuming you do, if you are asking about it? One thing, I am always amazed at how two people can share the ultimate intimacy with each other but they fear talking about true feelings. Sounds like you want an exclusive, more commiteed, honorable relationship with him. So just talk to him. Why not just tell him that you want to move the relationship up to the next level because you're not content being just a 'friend with benefits', anymore. Although the signs are there that he wants more from this, be forewarned, you need to be emotionally prepared to hear that he doesn't want a committed relationship. If he's always been content to have you as his 'sex buddy'-there is a real good likelihood that he's either managed to keep his own emotions, out of this. Then again, he might be thinking you have kept your emotions at bay and he's fearing rejection if he does ask you. But ysomeone has to get the ball rolling. You can sit and stagnate like this. You need to ask him because, the dynamics of this 'relationship' have changed. Feeling and emotions are coming into this. If you are caring more deeply for him..then be honest. Continuing in this relationship and feeling the way you do for him, it will only serve to drag you down and you will get possibly very hurt, when he dumps you for the 'girl of his dreams'. If you find out, he doesn't desire you the same way-get out of this, now. You will be sad at the loss but in the long run-you open the door for new love opportunities. So take a chance, talk to him and give that possiblility to yourself.
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