A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is very sensitive about her body. I have managed to raise her confidence and she says during sex she is more open than with exes, but sill i´m missing something during sex. I have a few questions. She doesn´t want me to pleasure her orally because she doesn´t want me to kiss her after, is this normal? She sometimes gives me hand job instead of sex, but I don´t really see it as a substitute, what can I do about this? Orally pleasuring me is also very brief and never to climax. Lastly, she sometimes has sex with me when it seems like she doesn´t want it, I don´t want her force herself for me, I don´t like it she´s not into it, but she insists, what can I do? Do these things have anything to do with eachother? Thanks in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I don't know if its normal or not, to not want to be kissed after oral sex but I cannot name a single girlfriend of mine that likes it. I let my bf do it because it turns him on. Girls in porn do it so he just loves it when I do, haha. You can always pleasure her without kissing her after. You probably have a higher sex drive than her and obviously more experience. You'll have to be patient and work on one issue at a time. She has sex with you, even when you think she doesn't want to, and gives hand jobs,so at least she cares that your needs are being met. I think you are going to have to tap into what turns her on in a subtle way without making it seem like you are self serving.I know that you said you are working on her self esteem and I think that is awesome. I don't know how much help this is but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): No I don't think you should beat yourself up over it, I don't think it's a reflection of you at all. Some girls are a little mroe timid during sexual activity than others. You said sometimes she'll give you a handjob during sex and asked what you can do about it-- and then you said sometimes she has sex when she's not into it and what can you do about that.. well.. if you don't want her to have sex with you when she's not into, then there's nothing you can do about the handjob thing, because she's already trying to do something about it in her own, and you dont like it because she's not as in to you. Does that makes sense? You sort of condradicted yourself, basically.
I can understand her not wanting a kiss afterward but not stopping you completely because she doesn't want a kiss.. if she doesn't want one, then don't give her one. But that may not be the real reason she dosn't want you to.. in fact i'm betting it's not. She may feel nervous or awkward, she may think it's gross for you and that makes her uncomfortable. You need to assure her very well that you LIKE it and you WANT to do it and if it grossed you out, then wouldn't do it. I used to feel awkward and nervous when my hub would go down on me so i would stop him, but then i figured out why. I can't lay there and have him do that unless i KNOW that he's turned on as well, so we turned on oral experiences into 69.. so I would see that he's enjoying himself and now i'm much more lax about it. You could suggest that to her. Or cover her up with a balnket.. she may feel insecure and not want to be seen..
And if she seems like she doesn't really want sex, then try stimulating her while you're having it.. so try doggy style or something so that you can use your hand for her, and then she may be more into it..
ooo i hope i helped.. i typically don't answer these type questions.. maybe i'm branching out!
Ok.. take care.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need  +, writes (6 August 2009):
 I suggest you just talk to her about this. Ask her what she likes, tell her what turns you on.
Sex is not only physical, it requires conversation. If you feel you're missing out on something then talk about it to her or you won't get anywhere with your sex life.
All girls are different and you have to respect their attitudes and feelings towards sex.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Well the whole going down on a lady then trying to kiss her....alot of women dont like that so that sounds normal....maybe her confidence with her body is effecting her sexdrive and what she wants to do with you....talk to her...ask her if theres anything sexually she would like that you could offer....tell her how sexy she is and compliment her when she does things this should help build her confidence up.....best thing u can do is talk with her let her know how your feeling....
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