A
female
age
51-59,
*anielleLS3Yorks
writes:I got a phone call last night from someone (who didn't want to reveal their name, for some reason) claiming that my husband had been having sex with his boss for the past four years. The individual claimed the affair started in February 2005 and has continued up until now discreetly.My husband was working away from home at the time when I got the call.I thought to myself, this has to be a malicious phone call, after all, I've met his boss at the company picnic a few years ago, he was a nice guy who was married with two kids.We also have children, a 6-year-old son who's in primary school (well, out of it now, seeing as it's summer holidays over here).All the caller said was that he was a long-time friend of his and that he didn't want this to get out to too many people.I feel disgusted by this revelation; I just hope that he was winding me up, because if it is true, it will feel like I've been living with a man who never even wanted me in the first place.A few days after he'd returned from his trip away, I said to him I'd received a phone call about it, and he was evasive in his answers, just wouldn't stay on-topic, tried anything to avoid discussion.I found his behaviour as both odd and possibly having a guilty conscience; he kept making nervous twitches for some reason whilst I tried talking to him about it.My husband's never shown any sexual inclination towards guys, so why would he go off with his boss? - I don't get it.I think counselling is probably the best way for me to deal with this, although I have uncertainty as to whether it really is the best option - I just want to react to this situation calmly and not get angry.I want to get to the bottom of things (excuse the bad pun) - this whole situation is freaking me out.Sorry if this seems so long but I need to get this all out in the open.Only one other individual - my best friend Jane (not her real name) - knows about this, but even she had no advice to give. All she could do was offer compassion and that was great. I was, and still am, really grateful to her.Now I feel like there's no way out of the situation for me.I worry about my future and what to do next - not financially, as fortunately I have money being from a fairly wealthy family (although we're discreet about our wealth, even live on a council estate, despite that), but emotionally - how do I deal with this?.What can I do next?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): you don't say what kind of relationship you and your husband had before this phone call. It does sound as though he maybe having an afair, also i can help but wonder why the 'friend' has decided to tell you after all this time. I'd always be weary of such friends.
I think its time you sat your husband down and discussed the matter with him properly. No evading the issue. Ask him to be honest with you as its important.
Remeber if it is true it does not mean he does not love you and his son, many people struggle with their sexuality and get maried to someone they love as a friend and soul mate but realise there is something missing. I hope the phone call was just a nasty jealous person and there is no truth in it. But if you find its true both you, your son and husband can come out of this ok, as long as you remain open minded and can move on as his friend and not his wife
Good luck darling whatever happens
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): you need to investigate. now.i think you know by his reaction that something is amiss. he may cover his tracks a bit more now. but hire someone to caught him. when you have the evidence then what??maybe he is used to your money and doesn't want to tell you. by ending it with you, it means not having access to your dough. whatever the case please be strong. but get to the bottom of it. then expose him for the adulterer he is. expose him for being a fraud and a cheat and maybe bi/gay. after all he used you all these years and in fact he actually abused you. you trusted him and he repays you with this. if he wanted another man he should have told you ages ago. yet another man stealing a womans life all because he doesn't have the balls to admit his sexual preference openly. he had no mercy for your life so why must you have mercy for him. you gave him a chance to come clean, now it is your chance to prove to him that you will not be humiliated anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I feel for you...this is a very difficult situation to be in. You say that you want to get to the bottom of this. Realize that if you do, there is no way to forget whatever the answer is. I think you should ask yourself some very tough questions as to how you would proceed if the answer turns out to be that he is having a relationship with another man. Ask yourself how this would affect you and your feelings for him. Sometimes people think they want to know but once they do they are sorry they found out. If it is true, once you know it, you will never feel the same way about him again. As for how you can find out the truth well you said you have money so you can probably afford to hire someone to watch him. You obviously now doubt him since you mentioned he was evasive when you mentioned it to him. You can also demand an answer and ask him why he is avoiding the discussion. Explain to him that his response is making you suspicious. If he loves you he will at least discuss it. By the way, being married and having children has nothing to do with whether or not he is gay. Good luck!
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