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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a boy friend and he loves me a lottt ! he is always there to help me. Spends hours with me daily n i loved being with him until i found another guy (X). X is extremely similar to be in habbits, activities, perspectives towards life. We are exact copies of each other.I can easily call him my soul mate.. But X is too busy to gimme time.. he says he cares about me..says he loves me but it doesnt show ! At the same time the new guy, X is very rich. has status, highly respected and will be really a big man after some time.. but he s always complaining about things..I donno whom to go for.. My boy friend who loves me but we are like chalk and cheese.. who is not very social either.. or X who shares my every liking n disliking but doesnt have time for me or my problems,X will be very famous one day.. PLZ HELP. i am losing interest in my guy, but i love him a lot... what shall i doo ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Tux, makes an excellent point. Do you understand what 'soulmates' truely are, hun? . Soul mates are people who know each other inside out and are very exclusive intimate love partners. Soulmates are couples who are in marriages or deeply connected, long term relationships, already. They can be very different from each other in many ways, but each person respects that diversity about the other, they might even share different values but they blend their worldviews together and make it work. They develop and grow together. A soul mate is not known, until you are with them for quite awhile. So as far as what I am seeing, X is not your soulmate, but rather a guy you simply share some same commonalities, thoughts and perspectives with but does that make him your soulmate..sorry, no it doesn't.
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I believe you need to step back and ask yourself what you want. Be careful not to fall for an allusion of what can be. I think you have a better chance with your boyfriend and that you are just seeing guy X as that new shiny car that you cannot afford. He says that he loves you, but doesnt show it? In my book, actions say more than words. Words are cheap, actions mean someone has to go out of their way and perform. I can easily say I love you. But I will have to jump through hurdles to show it to you. You need to step back from what can be to what is. You have a loving boyfriend, if you don't love him, you need to step away from the relationship.
on a sidenote, as far as soulmates go, I don't necessarily believe having things in common makes a soulmate. It just makes 2 people who share the same interests and beliefs. Soulmates are more 2 people who connect really great and enjoy each others company.They can be as different as night and day but in the end, they just connect. But I wish you the best of luck and hope you make the right choice, whatever it may be.
Tux
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A
male
reader, mortimer +, writes (6 November 2007):
 You at a bare minimum need to be honest with both of them about your feelings. I like to have faith in people that they'll do the right and I hope you do. Trust your heart and don't be confused by grand illusions of what the future might or might not hold. Most celebs now are more messed up that the rest of us. Good luck and be honest about your feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Whom you decide to have a love relationship will be dependant on your value system. You have to decide who will give you the happiest future. You have a bf with whom you said you are like chalk and cheese but he gives you time and his attentions. That accounts for a heck of a lot. Because if you were to build a solid future with him, family, home, etc.--having him there to build that life with you, is crucial and very emotionally supportive to you. Especially if you a couple kids into the fray, at some point. It takes TWO parents to raise happy kids...plain and simple. You are opposites in some ways but a lot of us tend to choose partners who compliment us rather than copy us. It really makes for an interesting balance and brings more diversity into the relationship. But I will say, couples who do have differences need to be respected, accepted and a couple like this may tend to negotiate a lot. How you both learn to handle those differences will over time set the tone for your relationship and your family.
Now, this guy called X shares more in common with you. But he can't 'physically' be with you or offer more emotional support to you should you two build a future. His lifestyle will be more demanding and he may be away from you more. Already you are experiencing this. So think ahead to when you have a family. Can you withstand being away from him? Mind you, if he has the money..you can travel and be with him. You are going to need to negotiate a place of comfort for yourself, right now, with respect to X's career goals and the demands placed on him, so that at anytime in the future, you don't end up alone and miserable. And over the life of a long term relationship, overcoming the hurt and anger engendered by neglect can take some work and can eventually, upend the relationship.
You have a big decision to make and it's not an easy one, dear. Go with the guy that offers you the best emotional joy and happiness and the one that treats you like a queen-the one who respects you and honors you the most. You can't go wrong. Good luck and take care, hun.
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A
male
reader, macmichael  +, writes (6 November 2007):
Its obvious your attracted to the guy who is very sucsessfull thats just natural but the problem with cnfident jerks is they wownt stay with you, he will tell you he will but when he starts gtting famous and then he will ghet LOTS AND LOTS of offers and someone so sucsessful wownt be able to resist all the offers. Sorry but if you think your the only one who fancies the sucsefull guy your very mistaken.
Just remember tho when you do dump boyfriend for him you will ALWAYS be able to get snother nice guy who loves you so dont loose faith when he dumps you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): The fact that X will be very successful one day seems to be giving you disillusions. Don't choose someone because you think their status makes them a better person. Your current boyfriend seems really lovely and he appreciates you. It would probably really hurt him to know you have been feeling like this, you are basically cheating him and being dishonest and I wonder if he would care so much if he knew.
I understand it must be hard for you and you seem confused. If you are having serious second thoughts about your boyfriend then it is not fair to lead him on. Be honest and sort your feelings for both guys out. If X doesn't want to show you he cares then he really doesn't. Its not the end of the world if you and your boyfriend don't really agree on everything sometimes its enough to love eachother for who they are and accept your difference. Actually its a very mature thing to be able to do.
I know its fun when people have things in common it feels great to feel understood, but sometimes this feeling doesn't last and at the end of the day it is the love that remains that keeps a couple together.
If X doesn't love you then you will just feel heart broken when the novelty of having things in common fizzles out.
You need to think about what you want, if you feel this connection with X is way too strong to dismiss then be honest with your boyfriend and dont make a fool of him any longer. If however, and it seems to me that this is the case, that you feel a bit disappointed in the fact that you and your boyfriend aren't so alike you should try and come up with new things and activities together that you both enjoy. Do new things together and maybe you'll realise all the reason you were initially attracted to him are still there and that you dont just need him because he loves you and this makes you feel good about yourself.
Don't use him its not fair on you or him and be prepared for disappointment but don't stop looking for love ultimately you deserve to be happy too.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 November 2007):
 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE GRASS BEING GREENER.
I would put a bet on,(and I am not a gambling person) that X will drop you like a hot potato when he does become famous. He's not showing that he's really keen anyway.
The excitment may not be the same with your B/F because you are looking at him as being boring compared to X. If you do decide to stick with X for the money fame etc.... please remember what a lovely person your current boyfriend is and let him down gently.
Good luck with your decision.
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