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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'll try and keep a long story as short as possible! I'm 33 and have been married 8 years. My best mate is a girl I work with and have known for 4 years. Although I have a pretty big crush on her, the last thing I want to do is wreck our friendship, my marriage and her relationship with her bloke. But she's noticed for the last few months that I've been acting different. I need advice on wether it's best to tell her I have feelings for her and that's why I've been acting a bit distant or would this scare her off and would it be selfish of me to drop this on her?cheersSteve
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Don't tell her. The minute you discuss this with her she will begin to feel uncomfortable around you and you could lose the friendship you have. The crush will pass. Just have fun with it and continue to support your partner and put energey into your own relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): One more thing, it took a not so perfect in fact a mediocre relationship for me to realize what true love is. Fortunately and unfortunately for me I could have had it sooner, everything...absolutely everything,,,,, is meant to happen in the order in which it does....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): First of all what is going on or not going on in your marrige to have a crush on someone else. If all was good in your marriage, you would not have a crush on anyone. Before you consider telling her your feelings, you really need to tell it to yourself and be honest. After you do all of this you may find there is no need to tell your friend anything.
At the same time, if the person is a good friend, you should be able to be open and honest with that person about anything. So as you see I'm not hatin on ya, just make a careful examination on yourself before you proceed with anything you do in life. I wish you the best and please tell me how it turns out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): It is very selfish because you are already with someone. Plain and simple.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (13 February 2007):
I really dont think you should tell her. DONT. If you do you could ruin alot more than your friendship. I think you should put all these feelings towards your wife. Shes the woman you married, theres no way you can start making this woman more important. Just dont tell her, if she keeps asking why your acting funny just tell her youve been having trouble sleeping or whatever. Just tell her some rubbish to keep her off your back. If however, you dont love your wife anymore, its about time you left her. Then you would be free for this other woman if she does have feelings for you. If she doesnt, you could meet someone else. Do you like her more than your wife ?, if you do should leave your wife weather this other woman wants you or not.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 You know why you're acting the way you are. You also want her to notice. It's a game people play when they bait themselves so they can get caught in a trap they pretend they don't want to be in. In fact they do. They convince themselves they are above temptation, just friends, I respect her marriage....etc. The opposite, is in fact, true. We're quite good at fooling ourselves though. People who you feel this attracted to you, are not appropriate candidates for friends. What could she possibly do with the information that you're attracted to her? It's of no use and of no value. Behave like a married man.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 February 2007):
 You need to think first and foremost what you could be throwing away here and I'm not talking about your friendship with her, I'm talking about your marriage! Do you feel your marriage is so bad that you don't want it any more? Is this just some crush and infatuation because things are maybe boring at home? Do you want to be with your friend because you know she is with someone else? You really need to sit down and think this one out.
If she (the friend) agrees that she likes you too and even dumps the boyfriend, can you handle the hassle it will cause if an affair ensues? Could you sneak behind your wife's back and see this friend "on the side?" More importantly... WOULD YOU BE PREPARED TO LEAVE YOUR WIFE FOR YOUR FRIEND?
This is what I would do. I would tell your friend you had such a weird dream the other night. You dreamt you and her were "together", that you were an item, sex and all. Let her know it was so vivid that you actually felt very awkward when you saw her again, as if it had really happened. Now listen to what she says. She might say "oh my god, that would be terrible" or "hey would that be so bad?" or "chance would be a fine thing", "I wish!!!" "I could never sleep with you while you were married" etc etc. Gauge her reaction. If it is positive and you think she would like to be with you then you have a very important decision to make.
Think about it very carefully though and don't go seeing her behind your wife's back, if you do you can guarantee she'll eventually find out about it and you're out on your ass anyway.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): If you tell her that you have feelings for her and it reaches your wife it's going to ruin your marriage plus she's in a relationship so it might also tear her relationship after her boyfriend suspects you two are having an affair if he hears about it. Also it's likely that she doesn't feel the same about you and then the news will wreck your friendship. Instead of letting your friend know that you have feelings for her why don't you instead put in all that time and effort of the crush into working at your own marriage? The crush will eventually fade away.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Stay with you wife, what you are experiencing is a crush, and crushes pass in time. If you take up this thing you have with this girl your marriage will be affected, the friendship with you mate will never be the same again, and also your crushes boyfriend will be affected. So i would say its an all round NO NO. Stay with your wife.
good luck
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 To be honest I think it would be selfish. You're both with other people and you owe it to them to be faithful. Your feelings will pass. It sounds like a crush and the seven year (close enough) itch. Stick at your marriage. Your wife deserves that, as does your best friend and her bloke.
CD
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